A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have a guy friend I care about and close to. Sometimes I feel he may be interested in me as more than a friend even though I stress our friendship so it may frustrate him I noticed sometimes in our conversations he will end it stop being as responsive if I mention other guys especially So we also work together and he quit responding to my texts except for ones dealing with work. I asked if he was okay and after no response and seeing him at an event where he ignored me i was like okay why ignore me. He said he had things going on with his family after work and said sorry-but that doesn’t explain his behavior at work. Then he went into his mode talking about work stuff which is weird and he uses as some sort of defense mechanism So part of my problem is he will not show or express his feelings. I just told him i care for him and our friendship and that I hope we’re close enough he would say is I did or said something to upset him. I told him he has my support and I would help him in anyway I can. I feel the family excuse is a lie or at least not the full story because I can think of several times this week he ignored me. I wonder if it is because he likes me. Either way I don’t want to force or push him. He seems for whatever reasons want some distance and space from me I guess!?….besides asking him to open up which he didn’t and my saying I’m there for him etc I don’t know what else I can do. If he likes me as more than a friend it may be hard for him but I don’t want to lose that so need advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2023): You remind me of some women I've met over the years. If I suggest we go out for a social evening - maybe a meal and theatre, they shy away from it because they don't want to commit to seeing me on a certain date and time and set that time aside, nor spend money on socialising with me. But as soon as they want to go on and on about some guy or moan about something or get free advice they expect to ring me or turn up on the doorstep and get instant tea, sympathy and help, all at the drop of a hat on their terms.
What do you expect then? A guy to hang around praising you and making you feel important, listening to whatever you want to ramble on about, but not good enough to date? I am glad he has enough respect for himself to see that this is you using him as a convenience and not bother.
You cannot see you are using him a a convenience so you are not that bright.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2023): Stop acting like a narcissist and using people for your own needs.
He's not here to admire and listen to you.
You know what he wants. You don't want it? Great! Don't string him along.
You will NEVER be really friends. You want to manipulate him into staying in your orbit and he wants you to be his girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2023): Good thing that you don't want to force him or push him ! Imagine if you had wanted it..
For whatever reasons , the guy signelscthat he needs space and distance from you , and that he just wants to deal with you as a colleague: well, respect that . Or do you want to pour your "friendship " down his throat ?!
Yes, it's quite possible that he likes you more than as a friend, and that ,rather than being friendzoned and having to listen to you enthusing about other men, he prefers (wisely IMO ) to take a few steps back. But that's beyond the point . The point is that he want to be left alone.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 October 2023):
 You don't seem to understand that HE made friends with YOU in order to get to know you and for YOU to see HIM as a potential BF at some point.
He doesn't want to hear you gush about other men, do that with your GF's.
You "think" he is your friend, he is not. He is your coworker, and you need to dial it back and TREAT him as you would any other coworker.
You say you care about him, but you don't. You just want a dude to listen to you and admire you. Why do I say that?
" If he likes me as more than a friend it may be hard for him but I don’t want to lose that.
His feelings are not important. Yours are.
Accept that he is NOT really wanting to be your friend. Even if he hasn't said it. You (in his eyes) friend zoned him and he is annoyed that you were so oblivious.
While I think the term friend zoning is BS, it's also BS to pretend to not see when a person is developing feelings for you so YOU can keep a "friendship".
Just be professional at work. Make friends you don't work with.
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