A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm having some trouble dealing with something that happened with a work friend. We went out with the rest of work for our Christmas do and I ended up kissing a boy from work called 'Ryan'. We were really drunk but when we were at the table talking, we were all chatting about me being bisexual and then after when we were alone, he asked me and told me that he too has had thoughts, and I was really shocked because you would never imagine him being anything other than straight. Anyway we casually talked about it here and there during the night out. And I sort of started getting attracted to him even though he isn't really nice looking and then he asked me to come to the toilet in this pub and we talked some more; he told me that his mum is a lesbian and that he thinks his thoughts are because of that. I said I don't think so but then we ended up kissing a few times and he was smiling but then he pushed me away and said he couldn't do it. He kept saying that he was confused and that his head was messed up and he said he is too much of a man's man to be bi or anything. Then he told me about the thoughts some more and said he has masturbated over men and said he has had thoughts since being like 9/10 (Even I was like 12/13) and even after he said he can't do it, he kissed me again after. Anyway he got upset and spoke to his friend who is a girl, and he told others because he was in shock so he says, and then all night in different pubs n clubs he sort of avoided me and then everytime we spoke he brought it up and said nah, im straight then I kept saying really? And he was like well my head is messed up so he didnt really have a clue.Now in work everything is awkward and he won't speak to me because of it. I messaged him the day after and he said that he is straight and wants to forget it all. He wrote a status saying how awkward work is and he wont even look at me despite him seeming okay on messsage now he hardly replies and they are crap replies if anything and in work we just avoid each other. Oh btw he told his friend that he thinks he is bi because he fancies me. So yeah work we just have awkward glances at each other and pretend each other doesn't exist. Everyone at work thinks it's all my fault because I'm bi and he is so called straight but I do understand if he has told them a one sided story cos I probably would as it's quite embarrasing, especially with his boy mates. So yeah we haven't spoken but yesterday he said cya when I was going which suprised me.So, He told me that he has had thoughts about it. We kissed. He blames his mum so I think he is having trouble accepting it. And he told his friend he likes me. He is being awkward in work instead of just laughing it off as a drunk straight kiss, although he did say it was probs cos we were both drunk on the message.Do you reckon it was just curiosity and that kiss reaffirmed that he is straight or do you reckon he is bi and can't accept it yet? Personally I think he is bi but maybe that is just me hoping. Sorry for the essay! I just can't stop thinking about it.
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at work, christmas, drunk, kissing, lesbian Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelalb  +, writes (16 December 2011):
If this guy was bi or gay or whatever would you really want to be with someone as messed up as he sounds maybee for a one night stand but not a serious relationship. He can't even tell the truth to his friends let alone you.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (16 December 2011):
 Hi,
I have to agree with "ciar". He's confused... He's having all these feelings that he never felt before, he's using his moms as an excuse, blaming the alcohol, he clearly doesn't know.... Imagine, all his life he knows he's a straight man, suddenly his behaving certain ways, having certain feelings. He's confused and shocked. The reason he may mistreat you at work and ignore you is because he's a little embarassed at you and his co-workers. It's a big deal. (ps: embarassed by his behavior not sexuality-absolutely nothing wrong being gay or bi)
For now, don't pressure him with questions. Just act normal and let him be comfortable around work. He needs time to figure this out and understand. Eventually he will come along... And sooner or later you will know for sure....
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 December 2011):
 Obviously none of us can say for certain if he is bisexual or just curious. If your reason for asking is to determine whether or not to press the issue in hopes of having a relationship, then I strongly suggest you leave it alone.
If he is bisexual, he may need considerable time to accept it before acting on it. He's got to do that at his own pace.
My suggestion is to act relaxed and normal around him and eventually he will be the same with you. If he wants to say it meant nothing or that nothing happened, let him.
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