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female
,
anonymous
writes: i have been dating my boyfriend for 4.5 years. for the last year and a half i've been trying to leave him for various reasons (unfaithfulness,backstabbing,lying,etc). every time i tell him this, he has a better reason why we should try and work it out. he claims i don't have evidence to say he does these things(which is true), but after almost 5 years i should know when he's lying and when not...i always turn to others for help and advise, but we always seem to get back togethre and so others (incl my family) don't support our relationship anymore and are not willing to help me anymore. i really would like to go on with my life and i know i can't change him, so what should i do about all this? i still love him, but don't want love to make me blind! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AgonyAuntsonEBAY +, writes (3 January 2006):
 Hi there. Christmas usually brings relationships to a head. I had a boyfriend who I never quite trusted. There was just something I could not quite put my finger on, but the doubt was there. Anyway I summoned up the courage and dumped him. It was the best thing I had ever done. We have both found someone else - it turned out he was seeing someone from work - the two timing so and so. You sound like a lovely person who might need to build up your self confidence a bit more. So treat yourself - it sounds like he won't bother - have a haircut, go sales shopping, learn something new, whatever. Have fun by yourself - and with your friends and family - don't neglect them.Love is a two way thing and you deserve better. Ignore him as much as you can and let him make all the effort to going on a date. If you fancy going out with him, go for it, if not why not take yourself out? I took myself to the cinema to see a comedy. I felt a bit of a prat but my self-confidence blossomed. It is easier to cope with a split when it is gradual. Things will work out for you. x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2005): I agree with all the other posts, LEAVE HIM as he is not making you happy. As for evidence for your suspicions, you don't need to prove his unfaithfulness,backstabbing,lying, it should be up to HIM to prove his innocence. He sounds like a complete loser don't waste your time on him. It's idiots like him that give the rest of us men a bad name (yes i'm male).
Move on and find yourself a new love.
DO IT NOW
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A
female
reader, *-x-*-beth-*-x-* +, writes (28 December 2005):
its so hard to leave him but i think you gotta. i think you probly hav the same old arguments in your head and he might love you.... but regardless you have put up with a lot and he knows just what to say and when and maybe he does make you feel gud sumtimes but its not worth the pain its just not! if your familly really dont want to help but you can do this on your own and then show them that you realise he was a bad peice of work
dont let him get under your skin anymore sweetheart
good luck
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A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Go with your intuition and gut feeling. You dont need proof, you know in your heart this guy is not good enough for you, you say it in your letter. Your friends and family wont support you in this relationship because they see what you may not want to see and they dont like seeing you hurt. When you love someone, and invest time and memories, it is difficult to imagine your life without them. But you need to ask yourself if you want to spend your life with someone who makes you unhappy, that you dont trust and doubt their love for you. You are correct, you will not be able to change him. He wants to keep you around because he knows you are a good caring person, but he is an uncaring insecure individual who needs someone in his life to manipulate in order to feel like a man, and does not deserve you. If you leave him, he will eventually find someone else who will tolerate his behavior. You will be grateful you made this choice and will wonder why you didnt do it sooner. Dont settle for someone who makes you feel less than who you are.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Dearie, all i can say is that u have so many doubts about this guy. You obviously dont trust him and have ur suspicions, listen to your heart.
Well, all i can point to u here is that either your are crazy which i dont think u are or this guy is heavily manipulating your feelings. I believe it is the latter becos if u have been with him for five years then u should be able to tell alot about your guy. You obviously dont get this guy, so i believe you are wasting your time here. You need to go out with a guy that you can at least trust even if not completely but u should have some faith in him.
My own advise is that u move on with u life and if he says to u, no proof then tell him that he must be doing something wrong if u cant trust him.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (28 December 2005):
 The trouble is,your relationship with this fella has become a habit.At the time you have the best intentions on leaving him but when your boyfriend turns up and persuades you to make a go of things you get easily drawn in to his charms and you are back to where you started,thats why your family have given up because its the same old pattern.If you really do want to finish with this guy then im afraid you will have to be strong and avoid seeing him.Dont answer his calls,dont respond to his emails or txts.Maybe you like the fact that he chases after you and you have got used to him pursuing you? Whatever it is,you will have to break the cycle otherwise you will be doing this until your 100 yrs old! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Love has made you blind already.
If you know in your heart that he is cheating then you most likely right. You mentioned you have been going out for almost 5 years, you should know him inside out by now and his attitude.
Let him go, there are so many men out there that won't give you half the problems he is giving you.
Just tell him straight out it's over and if he tries to persuade you, as hard as it may be stand your ground and let him know that it is over! I'm not saying that you have to stop loving him, but think about yourself for a change.
If you not happy, then what are you still in the relationship for?
Girl it's not worth the heartache and confusion.
You better of without him.
TRUST ME!
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