A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I went out with a man on four dates. I knew him vaguely through a mutual friend and had bumped into him in our village a few times and chatted with him before he invited me out. I had a great time each time we went out. He initiated the dates, paid for dinner, cooked for me and we went for a romantic walk. There seemed to be a connection as we laughed a lot and the conversation flowed freely. On date number five he text me and cancelled due to sickness then over the next few days I hardly heard from him at all. I sent him a text and we chatted on IM a couple of times after that but I noticed that he seemed to be closing me down by not directly answering any questions about himself. After about 2 weeks of this I decided to ring him. I rang him and he answered. I explained that I understood from his behaviour that he did not want to continue seeing me and that that was fine. He replied that he is not in a place to begin a relationship at the moment as he is not very happy with himself and that he has just come out of a 9 year relationship and isn't ready for another.I told him that I understood that I had enjoyed his company and the time we had spent together and that I hoped there would be no awkwardness between us if we saw each other out (which we inevitably will do in such a small town).Although I was disappointed with his response I ended the call with a positive attitude and willingness to be friendly when we see each other out. He seemed relieved that everything had been resolved.Since then he has totally avoided me! I think I have behaved very maturely by accepting his reasons and being prepared to move on. I don't understand why he would avoid me - I should be the one doing the avoiding afterall he initiated all the dates and all the contact in the first place knowing full well he didn't want a relationship. Why do guys behave this way????
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): I agree with dirtball. He is avoiding conflict, and is avoiding because he (I'm assuming here) feels ashamed of himself. I don't get why people do that either. Maybe something about you makes him uncomfortable. Who knows?
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 He's confused, got in over his head, and didn't know how to handle it. You have nothing to be ashamed of as you did behave maturely. I do believe that this outcome wasn't his intent when he started dating you. He likely thought he was ready and then realized that he wasn't. At least he realized it after only a few dates and before things got too serious.
He's likely avoiding you because he is ashamed that he didn't have the courage to do what you did. While it shouldn't matter, it may to him. He'll come around. Just give him the space he needs right now.
In a more general observation. Based on the little evidence here I'd suggest that he probably typically hides from conflict. This likely effects him in other areas of his life too.
Remember, it's not all guys who do this, just some. Try not to generalize us all.
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