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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm an incredibly frustrated 24-year-old virgin who's never even had a girlfriend (the farthest I've gotten dating wise was going out with this one girl for a couple of weeks at the start of this year ... I've made out with a lot of girls, and got as far as sucking on one girl's breasts, in terms of physical umm "accomplishments" for lack of a better word.) I'm pretty good-looking, I can make witty, quick-minded conversation, and I'm generally likeable. I'm also shy and lack self-esteem... I have been said to send out a non-sexual vibe, which is the bane of my existence because *I really want to have sex*. It would be one thing if I were holding out for true love, but I'm really just anxious to explore sex and/or romance with the first decent partner I can find. I just don't know where to start. Most of my interests/hobies don't lead me to meet a lot of people, and I'm just not very outgoing with people I don't know well, and by the time I know someone well I'm always in the "friend zone" If you were me, what steps would you take to get some momentum going with women?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2006): I was a virgin until just after i turned 22 and used to be shy and desperate to lose my virginity. Eventually i built up the confidence to ask a girl who was an acquaintance out. Because i was shy i used phrases like "have you seen that movie...we could see it" and when it was valentine's day i sent flowers so that she knew i was interested. We are still together almost 5 years later. As for prostitutes one of my friends has been to many, i wouldnt be too reluctant to go down that path just to boost confidence.
A
female
reader, Sophie1980 +, writes (23 December 2005):
I would suggest going online to meet girls. It's a great way to see who's out there and it's a lot easier to be open with someone through a computer than it is face to face. You can see who lives near you, send some e-mails back and forth to girls you like and then meet up for a coffee. I've done this and it's a great way to meet people with no strings attached. You meet for coffee or lunch, chat, and if you get along great. If you don't, you've lost nothing. I think the important thing for you is to get in the game, so to speak. Boost your confidence and get out on some dates. They don't have to lead to sex. But eventually you will meet someone you like and it will lead to sex. And sex with someone you like and are dating is a lot more pleasurable than one night stands.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2005): Dude, same boat. turning 25 on thursday too. I get a fair bit of attention from attractive women, and just split up with a girl after 5 weeks but she firmly rebuffed any attempts to go further. Was single for 6 years before that, just don't understand how this happened. I can't even tell people anymore, no one I've got to know since I left school has been told. I just avoid the topic. Can't really offer any advice eh!
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A
male
reader, Qui-Gon-Jim +, writes (16 December 2005):
 Ok, forget what the person before me said. Holding out for that "someone special" aint an easy thing, and whores aren't exactly the ideal solution. My advice - go out with your mates, try and pull (if you don't get one, who's to say you won't get another?), and if you do, just try and make a relationship. To keep a healty sex drive about it, do NON-sexual stuff on dates. It keeps them waiting...
But anyway, I'm not here for dating tips! Just try your best to start a realtionship and see it through - no whores!
Qui-Gon xxx
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (16 December 2005):
 You need to screw a whore and get this whole "virgin" chip off your shoulders. Seriously. Quick in-and-out, no-one gets hurt, and you'll wonder what you've been beating yourself up about. Then you can go about getting a proper bird.
HBF
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2005): You've already hit the nail on the head: you describe yourself as shy, lacking self-esteem, and sending out a 'non-sexual vibe'. I think if you accept as a fact that, sooner or later, you WILL have sex, and lots of it, your demeanor will change, and girls will start to notice that you exude positive, sexual vibes. This may take some effort on your part to convince yourself, but honestly, if you truly are as witty and likeable as you say, the odds are on your side that you will be having sex soon. Make it a silent mantra for yourself if you want, but if you remain assured that you will have sex sooner or later, all those subtle insecurities and frustrations that add up to a "non-sexual vibe" will iron themselves out.
As for the friend zone, that's not a dead-end zone necessarily. If you prefer to warm up to someone to that extent before getting to know them sexually, that's fine, too. You are always free to try and move things to the 'next level', as it were. For my advice on how to do that, see my above remarks.
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