A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been through alot in my life. I was born with a leg deformity, which i've fully corrected through several surgeries. Because of it, especially in my childhood I was teased, bullied and also starred at alot because of the problem I had. I was also fairly overweight back then. It affected my self-esteem alot. I'm viewed as "normal" now because of the surgeries and I'm at a healthy weight. I'm not social at all. Well, I have close friends, but I could never be comfortable with being around people. I hate it when people look at me because I think they're looking at me as if I have a fault/flaw as before. It's all in my mind, I just can't get over it. I was sexually abused in my childhood by my babysitter's husband for several years. Because of this experience I don't have a positive view of men. And it makes me even more uncomfortable of my body because it's quite feminine. I'm in my first year of University. There's a guy that I've been talking too for the past year that's in a couple of my classes. I tried to avoid him in the beginning whenever he talked to me, but I eventually gave in because he was really nice. The last time we went on a date, he told me that he loved me. Deep down inside, I love him too. I'm just terrified of saying that I do because I'm scared of getting hurt. Since the abuse I've never been close to anyone. I don't know how to let my walls come down after I built them so high. I've spent my whole life protecting myself from potential danger. Now I have someone that wants to love me but I won't let them. I'm torn.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 If anyone at all tried to compress their emotions it will only become more and more difficult. Someone who tries to suppress anger will eventually hurt someone in an explosive rage that they have no chance of controlling. Someone who tries to suppress love will often experience a heartache that will gnaw at them. It is not good to suppress emotion, especially when you can feel it as it pulls you towards expressing it. Everyone is afraid of getting hurt. Regardless of their past, everyone is more or less vulnerable to emotion but that doesn't mean you should be afraid.
In some cases, this sort of caution is good until you are absolutely sure you know him. If you do know him well, you know that it is high time you let him know how you feel about it. The first step is uttering those words and it will be difficult, no doubt you will hesitate no matter how much you tell yourself that you need to do this but once you find a way to let go and let your lips speak truth about how you feel, it is not so hard. You can ease yourself into whatever these feelings lead you to. If he truly loves you, he will not try to rush anything.
I hope that helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Cerbus_Raphael: I know it happened in the past. I tell myself that everyday. I guess it's fear of the unknown. I've never felt compelled to love someone until now. It scares me because I feel like I have no control over my emotions, which I've tried so hard to compress. And I am looking into speaking with a therapist, just looking for one that specializes in sensitive matters such as my own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): You do need to talk to a professional about your past issues. But anyway, everyone takes a chance on being hurt when they go into a relationship. Some people are able to deal with that, others, who have been hurt in the past, find it more difficult. I urge you to take a chance. Don't lock love out of your life for fear of being hurt. We all take that chance, it is part of the human condition.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (13 January 2011):
Might I also suggest seeking professional help to help you deal with your past? It will help to make things easier for you.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (13 January 2011):
It is understandable that you would feel this way but realize that whatever happened in the past is staying in the past. You are not the same girl everyone made fun of, you are not the same girl that everyone stared at. Years ago everyone else was at an age where they were all immature and unknowing of the real world around them. You grew before them, you saw the world and you are strong now. You do not need to fear their stares any longer, nor should you worry about having any flaws. Flaws are what make people perfect. This boy obviously thinks you are perfect.
Everyone is afraid of getting hurt and you have been through a lot that has wrongly taught you to fear men. I do not know what I can say to sway your mind. Reading or hearing about things like this often makes me feel ashamed to be a man. Then I realize that such shame is uncalled for because I am not like those men, neither is this boy who loves you. Everyone is different, no matter what their gender, in appearance perhaps men and women are different but we all fear the same things, we all worry about the same things so, aside from the flesh we wear, what truly makes men and women as a whole different? try not to generalize. At least try to give this boy a chance to prove himself.
I hope that helps.
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