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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: ok girls, I need some advice on a delicate subject ...Me and my bf started sleeping together a few weeks ago - first time for both of us. the problem is that i'm worried about whether there might be something wrong with me, and since he's my first, i don't have any way to know if there is. sometimes it's really hard for him to come when we're having sex - there are only a few positions that work. he says i'm too loose, and he can't really feel any sensation at all in most positions. it hurts and i feel pressure when he first enters, but i guess he says i open up or something after a little while. is this normal? do other girls have this? what do i do?the sex is good for me, and i want it to be good for him, too. is it possible that i'm just too stretched out inside to be a good lover? i know people say to do kegel exercises, but i've tried, and i can't figure them out.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): I think Dr. Pete is right.
He might have masturbated with a stronger grip.
I am actually experiencing this at the moment. Yes, there is no feeling during sex, but ejaculation is possible. But during masturbation, the feeling is very intense, due to harder grip.
I am now reducing my masturbation frequency and also the intensity of my grip, hopefully over the long term, I can overcome this problem.
Anyway, I also gain excitement from seeing my partner orgasming, so fortunately this motivates me for an enjoyable sex.
Perhaps you can have a frank talk with your bf, and when he has the urge of masturbation, perhaps both of you can have some way to please each other with the more "natural" method.
Who knows one day he tells you that you can stimulate him many times better than his past experience? ;)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): There is natural variation in the size of women as in the size of men. You might be looser than some (not that he would know, right?), but that's normal. Nothing that you should feel bad for. He didn't choose to be the size and shape that he is, and so why isn't the question why he isn't sensitive enough for you? Same question, no choice either way and both normal.
You probably have a tighter opening, but be roomy on the inside. Again, normal, but this explains why it can be tight for you and loose for him. Since the top is much more sensitive than the base on a guy, he might not feel as much. I'd have him cut down on his masturbation, and especially the strength and force of it. Give him a tube of lube for when he has to so that he's as slippery as you are and so more used to it. Try different positions, although you on top actually opened up my looser ex- and so was the opposite of what you might want. Get both of you warmed up before with some foreplay so that the sex itself is a smaller % of the whole thing. Try condoms (you do use birth control, right?) maybe with lube inside as well as out, maybe with none at all.
Or, if this is just one way of many in which he blames you for things that aren't your fault, ditch him.
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A
female
reader, lola manola  +, writes (4 February 2007):
 christ, ure probably tighter than anything, i agree with these guys, he sounds like a dick (no offence). and probably has a small penis... xxxx
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A
female
reader, DeeDoc  +, writes (6 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Oh dear, stop worrying. There is obsolutely nothing wrong with you. If you feel the sensation of him penetrating you, and it hurts a bit, then how can it be loose? Hummm....maybe his own grip is a bit tighter when he maturbates. Which would explain the feeling that he is receiving or not receiving. Don't let him get you down dear so early in your sexual experience. It's a bit of a touchy subject for male and female. Give it time.
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A
female
reader, Lilly223 +, writes (5 January 2007):
 Okay, now that I have had time to feel insulted FOR you, I'll try to answer this question with a little more sensitivity.
Dr. Pete does have a point, your boyfriend IS being less than sensitive in this situation. And Yes, his lack of sensitivity could be because he is used to the firmer sensation of masterbation rather than the lighter sensation of you. It would seriously help him if he would stop masterbating so much, or lighten his own hand. He will become accustomed to this and things will work fine.
Often it takes a specific position for a guy to stimulate the correct area for orgasm. Every guy has a different "spot". So try different positions, Doggie style seems to be a favorite of most guys I've known. Try that.
In addition, I seriously doubt that you are loose. You are far too young, and have not have any children, you are about as snug as you are ever going to be in your life at this point. So, don't let him lay this problem all on your shoulders okay?
Yes, when a woman is sexually excited, she does open up and expand a bit during intercourse, especially if you are about to orgasm, but only internally and higher up closer to the cervix. This is normal, and there is nothing that you can do about it, and you shouldn't even try. This should have absolutely NO impact on the sensations he is feeling. He recieves stimulation on his penis from the outer 1/3 of your vaginal opening, and this portion of your body doesn't change in this 'expansion.' So he can't blame expansion for his lack of stimulation.
Kegal excercises will not harm you, but I honestly don't see how they will help you. You have not stretched the muscles that Kegal excercises improve... but you can do them if you wish. Kegal exercises improve the condition of muscles stretched by child birth. To identify the muscles you need to work on you need to concentrate and practice. To identify them (seriously) while you are urinating, stop your flow of urine, pay attention to the muscles you use in order to accomplish this. Those are the muscles that Kegal exercises help. Start and stop your flow of urine as many times as possible until you feel you can contract these muscle when NOT urinating. After you locate them, you can do these exercises anywhere. A series of 10 contractions several times a day should be all you need.... but seriously, I don't think you really need to bother with these... you shouldn't have to at this point in your life.
I am sorry that your boyfriend has attempted to lay the blame on you... it is not condusive to maintaining a good sexual relationship when your partner is critical of you. Tell him that maybe he ought to look at his own issues before he determines that this is all your fault. If he is continually critical, tell him you are going to take your tight little vagina somewhere else and challenge him to find one that doesn't feel loose to him. He won't find it until he looses the callouses on his penis. Don't tolerate this from him Okay?
Best Wishes, and stand up to this guy!
Lilly
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 January 2007):
 You tell him while you work on the Kegels he can use a penis stretcher to fix his teeny peeny, heh heh
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A
female
reader, Lilly223 +, writes (5 January 2007):
I completely 100% agree with Dr. Pete... (excellent)...this guy is a thoughtless dink. Maybe HE is just too small?!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): What a insensitive guy to say such a nasty thing to you!
How would he know? He's hardly qualified to say such a thing, is he?
I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with you and it is probably more likely that he has been masturbating far too much and so is desensitised to having sex with a real women.
Stop blaming yourself and certainly don't allow this guy to put the blame on to you!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): I'd say he's saying that to make himself feel better.
he obviously has a small winkie.
regards,
nick :D
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A
female
reader, kelpel +, writes (5 January 2007):
first of all dont worry; the pain when he first enters may be if you are tense, or nervous, or not quite ready for penetration. then as things progress you start to loosen up - thats pretty much the same as many young women, especially in a new relationship when youre still trying to get to know eachother. You say the sex is good for you..its possible that if you are getting very aroused it can become very slippery down there and this may cause him to get the sensation of not bein able to feel anything. I dont think you have anything to worry about, however if you really are worried see a nurse at a family planning clinic or your doctor they'll check you over.
Regarding positions, have you tried you on top? this way might help. Good luck, have fun and practise safe sex xx
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