A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I met my boyfriend online he lives in another country we're ina LDR and we're very in love, we talk to each other for hours everyday via skype etc... and we're planing to meet next october. We totally trust each other and do our best to make things work. But sometimes, I feel like he is testing me. Each one of us had bad experiences before and we have been hurt: I have been taken for granted and been cheated on, and he has been lied to several times about really important things and has been really hurt... Now he analyses everything I say or do because he doesnt want to live again those bad experiences. But me, I'm risking everything, I could be taken for granted again.. Anyway, yesterday he said that this is really hard, because we're stuck we love each other too much and we could be hurt...and that there are some things some behaviours we should know about each other but skype cant do that for us, those things we only see them and feel them when we're close to each other... like for example if we're together and I buy a bottle of water or something he'd want to know if I'll offer him first... things like that. And also, he said that he mostly see me in my chill and sleeping cloths, and he doesnt feel like he's involved in my life... but all this things he didnt want to say them because he wanted to see if I'm gonna do them without him telling me ... but then it's hard to know those things by myself because at least I need to sense them to feel them and to see them in his eyes when he is near me... but he is far away. We will never give up on each other thats for sure, but I guess I dont make him feel like he is involved enough in my daily life, he always sees me in my room before I sleep and usually I'm in my chill cloths... I guess the question is: What should I do to make him feel involved in my life more, make him feel closer and see me in different situations... ?? ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, viel  +, writes (25 June 2012):
 This is not an answer to your question BECAUSE I think what you're really asking is, would he feel "involved" if you'd show off some skin to your ldr bf. I can't help raising an eyebrow. He doesn't feel involved in your life because he only sees you on your chill clothes? In my opinion, he may be a pervert - in some discreet way. I know you love him like what you said but that's how i see it. I also have an online bf right now (who is soon to be an ex, I guess) but he never hinted or even tried to hint that he wants to see me on cam in another get up aside from what he usually sees - casual t-shirts or tanks. He would often compliment on what i wear and that's it.
Don't be offended because we are in the very same situation right now. I also think I love my ldr bf, and he says he loves me too. But upon reading most of the agony aunts/uncles answers about online relationships, i realized they are right. I shouldn't be overwhelmed with words I only hear but never feel. I am breaking up with him tonight. If he still want to meet me and comes for me, we will start right. From there, we'll know each other fully. Like crazy, I am hoping he would still come for me and meet me. But if he would not, then it would be my proof that i made the right decision about breaking up.
Pay attention to what BondGirl72 wrote. She is so right. She's my favorite agony aunt. :)
Anyway, what we're saying are all opinions. You would always be the one to know, maybe not now, but later, because you are the one in that situation. Good luck.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Is this your first time to post on this site? It must be because if you had been reading the posts you would know that many of us find online relationships dangerous and risky. I know you think you love him, but you have never met him. How do you know that anything about him is true? How could you be in love with someone you have never met? If you want an honest opinion, this guy sounds like a prevert to me. He wants more video and pictures of you doing various things so he can get off on them. He doesn't feel involved in your life because YOU'VE NEVER MET EACH OTHER. How could you feel a part of anyone's life having a cyber relationship? I don't know that anyone who really cared about you would ask you to do this. You must realize that having a friend or a "relationship" online is very wishful thinking. It is hard enough to have a relationship in real life seeing someone everyday and observing his habits and behaviors but you can only read what he tells you. You have no indication that anything he tells you is factual. In fact, he could be twice your age and baiting you just to get pics of you. Please be careful and start living your life OFF-line in the real world. I think online relationships can be a fun diversion, but they should never be serious...unless you already know the person well and they have simply moved away from you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 If he agrees to be in an LDR, he's willing to take the risk of not seeing each other a lot and not knowing what the other person could be hiding. Still, you are not a product that he can test, return and get a refund if he is not satisfied with it. So just go on with your life and tell him night time is the only time you can talk. You also have to see if one of you are going to relocate to the other country for good. Are either of you ready to leave your family behind? Is the other country good for career prospects? Will there be language barriers? You have to consider these factors before you upgrade him into "The One" status.
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