A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have never been the heart breaker but the heart breakee. I don't know how to iniate a break up. I am sure this is what I want but somewhat feel guilt because I feel all of my reasons are selfish ones. We have been together for so long have a child together, built a life. To start one of my reasons is that I am still young and have a lot of potential, I feel held back a lot because im the one planning and sacrificing everything and he is content with our current situation not even trying to make any moves, I try to motivate him by asking what he wants to do in life, supporting his ideas, even getting information trying to help him with signing up for school. I strive to have better things in life because thats what I want my daughter to have. I walk on eggshells, I have to be conscious of what i think, what i say and how i feel because if i mention something and he doesnt like it then it leads to me being lectured like I am a child. I really have no life, no identity for myself, when I try to explain this, all i get is im a mom now and I shouldn't think that way. When thats great! I love my role but I am still "T" sometimes I want to go out and have fun. I hardly ever have a chance to think or do for myself, I dont take care of myself anymore. Am I really selfish? or I am doing the right thing? I have talked many times to him, and still we get absouletly nowhere and all the time and effort that goes into my energy tying to make our relationship work. I could easily be single and working towards a goal.
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (12 September 2012):
 I think if you stay with him you would be setting a bad example to your daughter, so I dont think you are being selfish at all and your reasons are more than adequate for wanting to leave.
Just because a woman has a child and a partner doesnt mean that she loses her identity, you are still a person with dreams and ambitions and you should not give up on them just because you are a mum now. If your daughter grows up seeing you like this, then she will believe that women are only around to serve men and children, and cannot have both a happy family life and a good career/interests in life.
Ambition is something that should be encouraged, and your daughter needs to be around people that want a better life and wont just settle for scraping by, and it sounds like currently your partner is a very bad example for your daughter and slowly you are losing your own identity too.
It sounds like you have done all you can to try and make this relationship work and he hasnt listened. You sound fairly certain that you are ready for this break up, so be brave and go ahead with it. He is holding you back so this is your first step to doing something for yourself, to make yourself happy.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): You need to get out of the relationship. Don`t automatically expect the grass to be greener because it might not be. In the long run in may turn out that its you who`s doing HIM the good turn and he may improve and do better. As it is, you need to leave.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 September 2012):
 Hi
If you feel your sacrifising everything to be with this man then it is time to let him go or you will just resent him more and more.
If you've lost your identity and have no life then you must be feeling pretty miserable,thats not how relationships or motherhood should be. So follow your dreams and fulfil your potential.
If it all goes pearshaped at least you can't blame him and at least you tried.Hopefully you will go from strength to strength.Just tell him its over and try to work out access etc amicably, make sure your daughter is priority to you especially at first, am sure she would much rather see you happy but remember she'll always love you both.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (11 September 2012):
 I think if you are not happy, your daughter will sense this and wonder what is wrong with "mom". You don't want to live in a prison the rest of your life, so I would leave. Tell him that things are not going to work out between the two of you and go. He will likely want to spend time with his daughter, and if he does, you will need to work this out. However, if he has a temper/is abusive, you have every right to keep your daughter away from him.
...............................
|
