A
female
age
30-35,
*ohh
writes:I need help, my boyfriend whom is my husband to be on the 23rd of February this year, is not working @ the moment, he graduated his degree in Motor Mechanics, this means I know that soon he shall be working,I am working already and have a good job, this makes him feel small in this relationship, yet I try to make him feel @ all the time that he is the man in this relationship, he says I don't treat him well cause am the one working, how do I solve this, I love him with all in me, I don't want to lose faith in us. PLEASE HELP!
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 You obviously have some deeply entrenched ideas about gender roles which would be pointless for me to try to fix. I cannot compete with generations of tradition in one post.
So I'll just say this. The more time you spend trying to soothe his insecurities the more you nurish them, the bigger they will get, and the more you encourage him to focus on himself.
Your boyfriend isn't upset that his lack of income is jeopardizing your goals or that you are carrying the load and what effect this might have on you. He is concerned only with himself and how it affects him. And he is angry that he doesn't have the control over you that he wants. He obviously has quite a lot but not enough in his mind.
My advice is to stop pandering and move on. Leave the room the next time he complains, but not in a huff. Just find something more productive to do. Take your car back. If he wants to start a business he can use his own resources. Why should the one person who has a job be stuck taking the bus?
A
female
reader, mohh +, writes (12 September 2012):
mohh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBasically we mostly fight about money, he does all the things I'm suppose to be doing as a woman when I get home, laundry, dishes,ect...but when it comes to deciding on things that should be bought in the house its like I have the top word as I'm the one working(this is what he says) I quote *you are the driver in this relatioship* now truly the only problem is money! He even currently took my car trying to open a driving school, under the pressure of him getting money or bringing some on the table!! AND the driving school is not going so well either, this is bringing more stress in the house!
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (12 September 2012):
Let's look at this from another perspective, shall we?
You're the only one who is working which means you're the one getting up each morning, battling traffic in rain or shine to put a roof over your heads, to feed and clothe you both and provide the entertainment.
Besides moping about feeling sorry for himself what exactly is he doing? Do you come home to a clean home and dinner on the table? Is your laundry done and put away for you? I don't just mean once in a while when he's bored. I mean regularly.
Instead of him doing whatever he can to take some of the burden off you and reassure YOU, you're the one going out of your way, to the point of seeking advice from strangers, to make HIM feel good.
I'm not suggesting you rub his face in it or treat him badly, but you do not treat him like a king either. Stop it, for God's sake. You're about to get married and this is NOT the precedence you ought to set for yourselves.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 What does he mean you don't treat him well?
is it ONLY because you are working?
or when you get home are you short tempered and tired?
I know that the 9 months my Fiance was not working were very stressful on us...
but not because I was working and earning money... because even now with him working I make a lot more than he does...
give me some examples of what's going on....
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