A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been togeather for 4 months now and we both have daughters. Mine 8 and his 5. I love him sooo much but i am jelious of his daughter and his relationship with her.We dont fight about anything but his daughter or his ex. I know that his ex and him are never going to get back togeather and that they have been broke up for 5 years but i still worry. I try to do things as a family but it seems like his daughter is always doing little things to make me mad like hanging all over him and if we go out to eat she makes shure she is sitting next to him and im sitting across from him. I want to like her but i hate when she comes over to spend the night at my house cause i know that there will be a argument because of her. I want this to work and i want to be a family but ive never had to share my boyfriend before. Also his ex is always late picking her up or asking him to take her when he is not supposed to and if he dosent he is afraid she will take him back to court for more child support. What do i do?
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female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (13 February 2009):
it's simple. if you are going to be with a guy who is a father then you have to except that his child will always be number 1. there's nothing you can do to change that.
maybe you should spend sometime with the kid, take her to the park, shopping,whatever she wants to do. if you love him then you should learn to love his daughter. after all she is apart of him.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 February 2009):
 You've gotten great advice. You need to get a grip. There should be no competition going on here. Competing with a 5 year old baby is just whacked. Your self-esteem must really be in the toilet if you need to have 100% of his attention 24/7. There are tons of websites and books on building self-esteem, look into them, or I don't think you have much of a future with this guy or any other for that matter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): You should grow up and deal with it. When a man has a child and he is taking care of her you should be thrilled. There are many men out there that skip out on there child support, and other parenting obligations. I understand that kids are annoying at times but if she loves her daddy and he loves her don't get pissed she is 5 years old. In my opinion you're a bitch for being that way. You have no right to be jealous of a small child his little girl just wants to be with her daddy.
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A
female
reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (13 February 2009):
 You should look at it this way g/f will come and go but your kids will always be your kids so i suggest to you that you grow up and get mature about the matter she is a baby whom needs her father and you are a grown up .You have to remember when it comes to most people and their babies the partner will always come 2nd .If you knew about his little girl to begin with and wasnt willing to share your man then you shouldnt have started the relationship.... So grow up and like it or break up and move on Just do yourself a favor make sure the next one doesnt have kids .........
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Hold on, what about your daughter? What do you do with her, stick her in the corner while you fight for attention over man, with a five year old child. Your a mother, your daughter was once five, how did you behave with her, didn't you ever have to share your attention between her and a man. Your post is very strange. What type of mother are you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): I agree fully with the answer of honeypie.The child should feel herself confortable and accepted. Nobody can force you to love her, but you should accept her because she is the daughter of your bf, (if you want to continue this relation)It's terrible, if one of the partner is making arguments al the time. Try to be more flexible, if his ex is coming later ok, so what, she stays a bit longer and if you plan to go somewhere where you MUST be in time like theatre with tickets, let you bf call his ex to aks to be in time.For every situation there is a solution. You can easy lay with 3 of even 4 on the sofa. If you go for dinner, find a round table, or a table where your bf can sit near both of you.I would like to advise you, don't argue, try to think in solutions.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2009):
 I am sorry if it is not what you want to hear, but his child should come first. I can't see why him getting more time with his daughter is a bad thing. She is his child. It is not HER fault her mom and dad aren't together.
She is 5 years old. It is pretty natural for her to be possessive of her dad. She knows she is upsetting you and you keep taking the bait. I'm guess she doesn't feel sure about you yet and therefor her behavior is the way it is.
Was she alone with her dad for a long time? (without any girlfriends?) If so, it's again is pretty natural behavior.
HOWEVER, if she is being rude or doing stuff she shouldn't HE should be giving the orders/correction not you.
Let her sit next to her daddy when the two of you have her. When you go out and she is at her mom you can sit there.
If you plan to stay with this guy you are going to have to realize she is his child and will always be part of him, part of his life.
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