A
female
age
36-40,
*isa newton
writes:dear cupidi dont know what is wrong with me.i have such low confidence and find it so hard to get a boyfriend. i lost my mother a year ago and my best friend last august and i have not motivation anymore.not having a boyfriend never used to bother me but lately people have started to make comments. it seems that everyone around me is settling down and now my family have started to make comments. they say things such like 'i can never see you settling down' or 'havent you got a boyfriend yet' and it seems embarrasing when invitations, etc are addresses to only me when everyone is getting themselves and their partner written on theirs.i just feel as though any effort i make to get a boyfriend is a waste of time. they usually misinterpret my signals and think i just wanna be friends...or they dont want to know me. i just dont understand where i am going wrong.please helplisa
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best friend, confidence, never had a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kad +, writes (17 January 2007):
keep smilin girl..you'l find that special some1 1 day!
A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Lisa
Perhaps you come across needy. If you feel sensitive and vulnerable, it is natural you may be giving out negative vibes that pushes people away.
Act strong, guys like confident and happy girls.
Allow yourself time to grieve and build up your self esteem, that is the issue not the not having the boyfriend bit.
Once you are stronger, the rest will follow
Good luck
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A
female
reader, x.Helpful.Cupid.x +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Hiya.
I am soo glad someone wrote this kind of question. I too had this problem. I think maybe your bereavments recently (so sorry about your loss) may have flattened your self esteem a little, so try and be confident if possible around guys, for example do a nice hairstyle, nice makeup, nice clothes etc. The trick is, dont look for mr right, look for mr right now, and eventually, if hes worth it, the now part is just going to drop away. So for now, work on your self esteem and confidence (im sure your very pretty!) and dont care what other people think. I wish you very good luck xx
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (17 January 2007):
 "I don't know what's wrong with me. I have such low self confidence" There's your answer. Guys run a mile from girls with low self confidence. Trust me, I have no confidence whatsoever and find it really hard to attract guys. You mention you recently lost your mum and best friend which must make this all doubly hard. I recommend you get some bereavement counselling to help you cope with your loss. You can also talk to your counsellor about when your self confidence issues started and hopefully solve this. I think sorting out these two problems need to be a priority above having a boyfriend at the mo. Give it time, it will happen for you, and in the meantime enjoy all the pleasures single life has to offer.
CD
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): lisa, ive been single for over two years since my ex and i split up and im having a great time being single and doing the things i want to do in life. you dont have to have a partner to be happy in life. i think your problem is being emotionally lonely, you say your mother and best friend are no longer with you. which no doubt has left an emotional void in your life and your desperate for someone to fill it. thing is not just anyone can fill that kind of gap and i fear youll think the first guy that comes along is the right one with taht kind of thinking. friends and family always make comments about relationships but to be honest its your life and you live it how you want it. theyre just wanting you to be happy and if theyre doing more than that thats their problem. just get out and live life, be yourself and have fun. the more you socialise and be yourself the more you have of meeting mr right.english gent x
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (17 January 2007):
 I think the first thing you need to do is work on your self-confidence to be honest. Self-confidence is very sexy and very attractive to men and women alike. People pick up on it too. Obviously the people around you are not helping that either but if they wont change then its best to ignore their comments.
Working on your self and gaining more self-confidence should mean that more people will see you as more than a friend and things should flow. Dont depend on others for your sense of self-worth. Hope that helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Hi Lisa,
I'm very sorry that you lost your mother and your best friend. That must be very hard on you, and it's probably why you're feeling blue and have low confidence right now.
When people are sad, comments like "haven't you got a boyfriend yet" can make one hurt inside, but usually the person who made the remark isn't aware of how you will take it (however, the comment on "not being able to see you ever settling down" was rather rude, I think).
Next time someone asks you about boyfriends you can ask them if they're jealous of your freedom. That should end the nagging rather quickly.
At this point in time, maybe you have too much on your mind to get into a new relationship, anyway? Working through sorrow requires a lot of emotional resources.
Lastly, I would just like to say that at your age you don't need to worry about "never finding a boyfriend". Love will find you too, usually when you're not looking =)
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
/dragonette
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A
male
reader, cam  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 hey i think u mite need 2 jus b more obvious its hard but tha best way 2 get sum1 2 know how u feel is 2 tell them... jus find a guy u lyk spend time wif him an if u lyk him then tell him.. i know sounds simple and it really is... u jus gotta take a leap of faith with this stuff. i hope this was tha ansa u were lookin 4 if it wasnt u can rite 2 me directly if ya wan anyfin good luck with it.
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