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male
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*ynobiker
writes: My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year and a half. We live together in a beautiful apartment, I have a great job, I don't hit her or mess with her head in any way. I always tell her how beautiful I think she is. She doesn't believe that she is at all. It is pretty typical female insecurity thanks to the models and celebrities. Here's the deal though, she is hot. I'm not just saying that because I love her but she actually used to be a high fashion model in new york when she was 18. She is blonde haired, blued eyed, and 6 foot 1 and a half. My problem is that she found out that I had opened up a couple of spam porn emails. She takes it as I was trying to look at porn, and in turn, not happy with the way she looks resulting in only reaffirming her insecurity that I lie to her when I tell her she is beautiful. She has been in numerous dangerous relationships where the guy made her feel like crap about herself and also raped her and forced her to perfom oral sex on his friends. (I know its a lot of baggage! But I love her and she knows I love her and she treats me great.) We cant afford couseling which I know that's what we should be doing. What in the world do I do?
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female
reader, a_l_e_x +, writes (19 September 2005):
hi, i know exactly what your girlfriend is going through, i came out of a relationship a yr ago, which he treated me real real bad, forcing me to do things, hitting me and raping me. once someone does that to you, your self esteem has gone, it wont come back entirely but will in some aspects. just hang in there, dont give up on her, as thats the least thing she wil want, i wrote down everything that i though was wrong with me and decided to fix one at a time putting the most important things first. i feel for her, but feel for u to, porn is very heartbreaking from a womans point of view. and probably makes her feel very insecure! if you dont look at it, or lust for it, i think your girlfriend will be alot happier.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (15 September 2005):
 This poor girl has obviously had every piece of self esteem taken away from her by this loser and it's hard get that back when it's gone. All you can do it be a good boyfriend, which you sound like you are, carry on telling her she's amazing and beautiful and no one will ever hurt her again.
Over time, things will get better. She will never prance around and love herself; once it's gone, you never get it totally back. But she can become happy with herself and accept who she is, forgetting about the people who didn't respect her.
And as for the porn thing, find me a guy that wouldn't look at porn when it flicks up on his screen, no matter how beautiful his girlfriend is! Good luck and stick with her. :)
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A
female
reader, jaime +, writes (15 September 2005):
The truth is all girls are like that, even me! if a guy tells me i'm beautiful i tell them the shut up! I no its hard for you to understand, but she knows that you love her and she loves you! there no need for counceling at all!
When a girl looks in mirror not many think were good enough. But you know shes beautiful and thats all that counts! Tell her that she is the most beautiful girl you have ever met and that you are the luckiest man in the world! but the truth is theres not much you can do about this situation. Hope for the best!
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A
female
reader, siren +, writes (15 September 2005):
it really doesnt matter what you say though it will in the long run she needs alot of attention
it is insecurities that have done this to her but its not her fault either same as it isnt yours
it may seem like alot of baggage but you love her so im sure its worth it
make her feel special really carry on what your doing at some point it will sink in as for the porn she shouldnt feel threatend by it as all men watch it
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A
reader, pops +, writes (15 September 2005):
Burn the computer, and let her be. Ask her to repeat with you, I am beautiful, over and over, at least ten times each morning, and 20 times before she goes to bed. If this doesn't help, and you can't get part time work to pay for a counselor, sneak out on her some night and run like hell. This gal is High Maintenance, and she is never going to be happy. It is not your fault, and you can't cure her. She needs serious and lenthy help from a psychiatrist, and she is only get worse as time begins to age her looks. It doesn't sound like she has worked on her pesonality or her character, or her intelligence and education, so that she find other reasons to like herself after her looks no longer qualify her for model status. ( some 30 year+ hence.) I feel very sorry for her, but without professional help, she is going to be very hard to live around, much less with.
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