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female
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anonymous
writes: I am in need of some advice as soon a possible. This is going to be long but please take the time to read my story. Let's see where do I start? I met my husband when I was 20 years old. I am currently 31. I didn't find him attractive but he was sweet and kind. He treated me well. I had just got out of a really bad relationship and was afraid of being hurt. A year and a half later we married. I knew it was a mistake but I went through with it. We went on and had three beautiful children. I have never been atracted to him but I do love him. Like you love your best friend.Back in June he told me he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. This was devestating to me. I thought our marriage was over and was prepared to leave. He did a complete turn around and begged me to forgive him. Of course I did for the sake of my children. However it caused me to examine my life and our marriage and I realised I have never loved him like I should.Then in July I went out one night with my best friend. She is like a sister to me and I love her dearly. During the course of our conversation that night, she told me my husband tried to have sex with her. She babysat my children while I was at work and one night before he left for work he tried to kiss her and told her he wanted her. I was crushed when I found out and was prepared to leave again. He begged again and I took him back once again for my children.I have remained friends with my best friend because I can't imagine life without her. It's so hard because now she can't come to my house and can't be around my husband. We have children the same ages and they are very close. They miss each other and are suffering because we don't get together as often. My husband has realised this is his fault and has supported me in my decision to remain friends with her. I am so angry though, I feel he took something away from me that I will never get back. Part of me wants to end my marriage so I can have her back in my life the way she should be. That is only the beginning of my problem.You see after my husbands betrayal I felt very vunerable. My boss has always flirted with me and told me I am beautiful. One night after work he emailed me and somehow the conversation turned to sex. Before I knew it we agreed to meet after work. We had sex and it was wonderful exciting and new. Now I know two wrongs don't make a right and I know I was wrong but yet I went to his house and we had sex again a few weeks later. I should mention he is married also. I am prepared to go to his house again tomorrow. I am in love with him and don't know what to do. I am not kidding myself, I know he isn't going to leave his wife. I also know that even if he did I could never trust him. I am so lost and confused.The problem is I want to end my marriage. I want it to be over but I don't have the guts to do it. You see my husband has been wonderful the last few months. He is really trying to change, but nothing he does matters to me. I can't force myself to be attracted to him and I just can't be in love with him. I don't want to hurt him. I care for him, but I can't even stand to look at him let alone have him touch me. What do I do. I have young children involved and they are my priority. Is it better to stay for there sake or would they be better off with a happy Mommy? Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, StaceyB31 +, writes (13 November 2005):
For one thing eyeswideopen I am not whoring around. My husband has cheated on me for years and I have remained faithful for 10 years. I know what I am doing is wrong but don't judge me unless you have been in my situation. I am a good person and a good Mother. I am confused and lost and thought maybe I could get some solid advice from some people on here and I have. You on the other hand should not be giving advice because you obviously don't know what your talking about. Respect my husband? How can I, when he doesn't respect me. He did after all try to have sex with my best friend and he would have if she had let him. As for the situation with my boss I will deal with that the way I choose and if I get hurt well then that's my fault and I will deal with the concequences. Only God has the right to judge me.
A
female
reader, Zrockstress +, writes (13 November 2005):
Personally I would sit down and make a list. The list would start off with Why do I *think* that this married man I am cheating with will treat me any better than he is treating his wife. I.E. Sleeping with another woman. What kind of respect is he showing her? OR for that matter YOU. Sure it "feels" good right now but throw in some responsibility of a family, paying bills, personal issues and WHAM the honeymoon is over. Start working on YOU and don't rely on other people to make you feel good. Then and in my opinion ONLY then will you have a GREAT relationship.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 November 2005):
 Yes they will be better off with a "happy Mommy" but also if that happy mommy isn't whoring around with other men. Knock it off with the boss NOW. Divorce your husband since you obiviously don't respect him then you can pursue your love life with UNMARRIED men. Get you head together woman!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2005): Forget whether you're right or wrong. The question is, is what you're doing working or not working? If your marriage is over then you may have to leave your husband and make a new life for you and your children but remember, you have small children, so you do need to realize that your relationship with your husband will never end. You will always at least be co-parents of your children. Build a new relationship as their allies. To me it makes sense that kids who grow up in an environment, where Mom and Dad aren't communicating or loving/respecting each other-don't do as well as kids who grow up with one well-adjusted, happy single parent.
Before you do anything, I think it's crucial that if you both decide to divorce, you should get some professional support and advice on helping your children with the transition. Good luck-I wish you and your children well.
Take Care
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (9 November 2005):
your children will suffer if you split with your husband but will be better off in the long term. i split with my sons dad when he was only 2 but i was so unhappy that it was affecting him. i chose my own happiness because i knew he would be happier in the end. you made a mistake by persuing a rebound relationship that you didn't want from the start. you need to tell your husband everything. do not continue the relationship with your boss. think about yourself and your children. the best thing for them is that you are happy and know you can make them happy
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