A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi..i need help...i left my husband 5 months ago, i am now in a new relationship with another man, who happens to be a work college of my ex husband,i was with my husband for 7 yrs and have 2 children with him. My ex is saying that the man am with now will not show any commitment and i shud go back to him as he loves me. I have told my ex husband that i don't love him and i am happy in my new relationship, He still won't leave me alone constant phone calls and text messages i feel like am being stalked...how do i get throught to him without hurting him to much?many thanks for all your answers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): Did you ever really love your husband? Why did you break up? and Why date his work collegue. He must know more about his work collegue than you and it sounds like he may be trying to protect you. You were together for 7 years and you want him to forget about you in 5 months.Have you given your husband closure, told him why the relationship didnt work and why you dint want to be with him. If not then help him to move on by letting him know exactly how you are feeling and by spending the time to talk. You could even try counselling, not to make the relationship work but to finally help end it for him. If after this or some other alternative measure then I would do what red 1982 says but asking if he is calling about the kids and if not hang up.For now though sort out all this baggage otherwise it will move into your new relationship and effect it one way or another
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 The only way to get out of this problem is to go far far away from him for a few months and change your mobile number.
If you can uproot yourself from your place.
If you cannot uproot from there ,just change your mobile number , be more assertive, set your boundaries, don't chat with him , be businesslike and civil with him.
He is already hurt badly and it does not matter what you are going to say to him anyway. How bad can it get?
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (27 February 2008):
You can't do this without hurting his feelings.
It will hurt him to know that there is no chance, and that's what he seems to be clinging to at the moment, that this new man will dump you and you'll come running back.
The best thing you can do is not respond to his text messages, at all and when he rings you ask if it concerns the children. When he says no then hang up. Don't enter conversation with him, no matter how much he tries.
You are going to have to be the bad guy I'm afraid. Hopefully he will get the message quite quickly.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 Firstly, there is no way to NOT hurt his feelings in this.
Next, it sounds as if he believes the ONLY reason you left was because of this new relationship. If this is true, he is right. Your new man WILL not be something long term. If this started out as an affair, I think you were played.
If you would have left REGARDLESS of this new relationship, THAT is what he needs to know. But it will be hard to prove.
BTW, why of all the other men in the world did you go after a work college of your husband? Don't you think this was poor judgement on your part? Are you using the work college as a form of revenge on your ex?
This happened to me in the past where an ex went for my best friend. He manipulated me and her beautifully, by gathering information from each of us, and turning us against each other. I suspect that may have happened to you (but wanted to be honest and show you my bias). Turns out he was on drugs for a mental disorder, never told anyone, and left her completely in emotional ruin. Beware people that would destroy someone's happiness.
You have an obligation to your children to make better choices than a man that is so closely linked to your ex, causing more drama and heartache.
-Frank B Kermit
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