A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry that this is quite long, but I'd really appreciate you reading to the end and giving advice, thank you in advance :) Let me just give some background: My boyfriend broke up with me in May earlier this year, after 6months of being together. He said he loved me and i loved him as well. We were both cut up about it but he said it was "for the best", because i guess he couldn't handle the "downs" of the relationship and he thought if we break up we could at least stay friends, whereas if we stayed together we might ended up ending the relationship in a more painful manner and couldn't even stay friends. Or something.Anyway we stayed friends but after a couple of months I felt we were drifting apart, and I was really upset about it and he didn't seem to care so much, like when I texted him, his responses would be half-arsed. Then one day mid-July he was like "stop being so pushy and give me some space." I was like okayy you didn't have to say it like that. Soo i planned to not contact him for a month or so. But then I thought it's better to end things with him completely, like have a clean break. So a week later I sent him one last e-mail just saying some stuff like apologising for being clingy, and I kind of implied that was the last time i'd contact him. Buttt it's like I couldn't leave it at that, like every so often I'd message him again because I kept thinking of other things I wanted to say, as a "last thing". But yeh he never replied to anything I sent [i probably sent about 2 messages a week, either by text or email or Facebook]. Then i texted him asking if we could talk one last time properly so I could gain closure, and then I really could leave him alone lol but yeh he never replied. I think i asked about 3times. I called a couple of times and he never picked up, then when i called another time it kept going straight to the busy tone and I realized he'd blocked my number.Ok well that's the whole story, or as well as I can tell it for now. I was going to ask: should i try another time and ask if me and him could talk, so i could say my piece and stuff and then gain closure. But now I'm thinking, would he really say yes if he hasn't agreed to it all this time? He's never responded to anything, the last thing he ever said was the "stop being so pushy" text.So what I wanted to say was, I feel really stupid for constantly messaging him, to be fair it was only about twice a week, could have been worse (but could have been less lol) but yeh i feel reaallly stupid, and what makes it worse is that he actually blocked my number (i think) and that makes me come across as such a psycho! I'm really not haha, i just really felt I needed that one last talk for peace of mind so I can just move on and get on with my life. Has anyone else ever been in this position? Or the receiving end of someone like me lol. If anyone has any advice on how to move on or any experiences to share it would really help. Please don't judge lol and I know this was really long but I was trying to get all the facts in there if that makes sense. If you need me to clear something up because i haven't explained myself properly or something was confusing then i'll clear it up.Thank you for your help :)
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female
reader, emmss +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Aw hun, well honestly your just going through what every girl goes through. The ex you just can't get over, and you keep saying 'this is the last time I'm gonna call him' but then, it goes on and on like that.First of all, you don't come across as psycho, because if you were, you wouldn't have even asked the question in the first place. But, there's definitely a limit on how much you can contact your ex, and your definitely exceeding that limit. It seems to me, if I'm gonna be brutally honest, that he doesn't want anything more to do with you. And you need to accept that, which I don't think you have. You need to completely cut off all contact with him, delete his number, delete his email. You don't need them, and having them will only tempt you to contact him.Delete all contact with him, then try and move on. Take it slowly at first, your heart isn't going to heal overnight, it takes time. Take it one day at a time, spend a day or so crying your eyes out. Remember the relationship, but don't regret it ending. Accept that it ended. Focus more on friends, family, hobbies.. Anything that will keep your mind off him.It'll be hard, but do you really want to be spending your days wondering if he will ever contact you back?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your responses and advice, all of you have put things in perspective for me and have deterred me from wanting to contact him again, I now know that really isn't the best option and I wish I'd realized this sooner and hadn't made such an idiot out of myself haha.
Anyway you've helped me make the initial steps in letting go of him and hopefully I'll move on soon. Thank youu, and i'll rate all of your answers :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Sure honey, who has not been in a situation like yours, or on the receiving end of it, it happens to everybody at some point. Don't feel bad - live and learn :).
You have to give yourself your own closure, because it's clear by now you won't get him from him, and because , to be honest , 99% of times people do not reallly want "closure", they want just one more chance to be somehow at least marginally involved in their ex's life, they want to elicit some sort of reaction, in other words they want...to cling.
How do you get closure ? First of all, understanding, accepting and digesting that things are not how you want to see them. Your ex bullshitted you since the day of your break, or before. Aw come on, whoever breaks up "so you can stay friends in future ". If you like somebody, you don't break up,-you don't voluntarily give up something you think is good now because perhaps it may be bad in 6 months or 6 years, nobody is so wise . The simple truth is that he got tired, and, having said he loved you, wasted words and created expectations, was simply embarassed to admit he had changed his mind. He preferred to come up with some bullshit reason for the break up. Ergo, the "let's stay friends " thing is not to be taken literally. He meant it as in " let's not become enemies, do not shoot me if we meet on the streets,do not give me a hard time ,please be gracious about being dumped ", not as in "let's be friends and do stuff together and spend time together and talk regularly ". And,indeed, he has quickly
become unresponsive , and frustrated that you were not getting the hint, to the point of blowing up by e-mail and then totally cutting you off.
So, you have to accept : that he lied to you, that he cared much less than he pretended ; that there is nothing worth your time telling him now, because A) he is a self centered coward who does not deserves your regret and B) he does not give a damn anyway about anything you could say.
Chew a bit on these thoughts , and when you'll have metabolized well, you should feel- a tidal wave of sadness inducing a good long cry with big sobs ; a surge of rage leading to destruction of his pics, letters and mementos ; and , eventually, a big sense of sheer relief ."WTF ! I am through with this son of a gun !". At this point, wipe your eyes, powder your nose, wear something nice, and go out for a walk or a coffee or something with a spring in your step, because you know that
life has just started again NOW, and what is done is done, it's in the past and you won't let it happen never ever more .
Good luck !
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Hi no i dont think you should contact him once more, as he told you not to be pushy, i totally understand were you are coming from, but hunni honestly if he did agree to meet you one more time this wouldnt be closure am afraid, am just being honest it would just make you want to talk to him even more believe me, ok so i know that it is really hard to drop contact with him believe me i do but you have to do it, anytime you feel like you want to contact him tell yourself this, 'if i contact him he is just going to get even more angrier with me and he will never talk to me again' just keep telling yourself this over and over again, because he told you he needs space so whatever you say he is not going to respond as you are going against his wishes, yes guys can be cruel i know but you need to get this bloke out of your head, start going out with your friends try and not talk about him and maybe take up a new hobby were you can have a chance to meet new guys you never know you might meet someone that you like. But the best advice for now is no matter what under no circumstances should you contact him. You never know he might come around eventually after not hearing from you for a while and contacting you, if he doesnt you are better off without him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): It seems that he decided it was over and for you it was hard to let go of him, so you kept contacting him even when he had made it clear it was over. You are having trouble facing the fact that it is over, and making yourself feel worse by contacting him and not getting the response you want. You never will.
Try to move on. It is painful, but you need to conserve your energy for getting over this, not pointlessly contacting him. Remove all signs of him from your life so you are not reminded of him. Try to find things to occupy your mind and your time. Think about what you want out of life, and dismiss the thought that it could be him, because it is over.
I know this sounds hard, but you need to cry your tears and then move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): It seems that he decided it was over and for you it was hard to let go of him, so you kept contacting him even when he had made it clear it was over. You are having trouble facing the fact that it is over, and making yourself feel worse by contacting him and not getting the response you want. You never will.
Try to move on. It is painful, but you need to conserve your energy for getting over this, not pointlessly contacting him. Remove all signs of him from your life so you are not reminded of him. Try to find things to occupy your mind and your time. Think about what you want out of life, and dismiss the thought that it could be him, because it is over.
I know this sounds hard, but you need to cry your tears and then move on.
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