A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I really need help, I'm so stressed and I have no idea what I'm going to do!I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years we have no children and we both still live with our parents (we are 27, sad I know!)At the first 2 maybe 3 years our sex life was really good and we were both very attracted to each other.Now sex just feels like a chore to me, we rarely kiss and when we do its usually him who initiates it. We do have sex but It's mostly to keep him happy.He's been really depressed over this and is calling me horrible because I don't care about his sexual needs. But its not that I don't care because I really do, I'm just finding it hard to be intimate if I don't feel that attraction there. We also just come back from a holiday and I think we both thought it might bring us closer but it was just like two best friends on holiday together. I just didn't have the urge to kiss him or touch him. One night we went out for cocktails and it kills me to say I found myself bored and we were both trying too hard to make conversation, maybe I was just tired though I don't know. I also find myself jealous of loving couples and wishing I had what they had.I don't think it's my boyfriend's fault I actually think its mine. I haven't told him I don't feel the attraction because the last thing I want is too hurt him.I really don't want us to finish he is my best friend and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else or being so comfortable with anyone else. I just want to the attraction back.I'm so frustrated and angry at myself. I don't understand why i feel like this he's handsome, loving and I enjoy being around him but that 'spark' has gone and we haven't even had children or moved in together yet. All my friends have had babies and moved in together and he's desperate for children but i think the reason I can't is because I'm worried we won't be together in the future.I don't think it's anything to do with my libido because I am attracted to other men. I know it can't go on because he is going to walk away as he has a high sex drive so he won't put up with it for much longer!This is my first boyfriend so I don't have much experience in relationships.Please help any advice would be very much appreciated!Thanks.
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best friend, depressed, jealous, libido, moved in, on holiday, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LAcreme  +, writes (17 July 2013):
 Trust me the problem here isn't that you don't love him, but something is draining that fuel of love and that is, He is your first boyfriend and you think there's much more out there you're missing out. The enthusiasm to explore is zapping d energy out of ur relationship. This is typical in first relationships in ladies.
It'd make both of you happy if u take a break from eachother or better still, breakup and see if u'll still have reasons to make up with him. This problem will keep resurfacing until you feel the world with someone else and decide if its better or worse.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (16 July 2013):
I don't agree that things are just over. Maybe, but it's also likely that the two of you have taken your relationship for granted and not nourished your love and/or passion.
Go on more dates, do special things for each other and try to rekindle the fire. It may not happen, but it sounds like he's a good guy, so why just give up?
It also may be a case of you wanting to know what else is out there, which can happen when you've only been with one person.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 July 2013):
This sounds like a case that your relationship has gone as far as it can go. Apart from anything else, it's only your first real relationship, and most 'firsts' don't really work out (only a few really make it).
The lack of any real attraction shows that he is more of a friend than lover, you seem to be bored, and you both haven't moved in together or made any real concrete plans. And you know that it's not your libido, as you are attracted to other men.
I wonder if you've got stuck in the 'safe' zone with him - he's a good friend, probably reliable, and you feel safe. Unfortunately, relationships based upon that are destined to fail.
I think the best thing you can do is move on from him, and get back out there and see the world.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): My dear, why is it so hard to come to terms with the fact that you love him, but you are not in-love with him? You settle for him, just to say you have a boyfriend.
Relations that start out with real love, maintain that element throughout their existence. Once the chemistry is lost, that is an indication you have outgrown your relationship; and may be a time to move on. It would be different if this man was your husband. He's not and most likely never will be. He doesn't seem motivated in that direction anyway.
In the back of your mind, you are ready for a family and marriage. Your subconscious mind is telling you, this is not the one. You don't love him in a romantic way. You love him as a friend. You have to tell him.
Don't force yourself to submit to any man, just to make him happy. You're not doing him, or yourself, any favors by being a fake. Leading people on is a LIE!!!
If you lost that loving feeling, tell him. He deserves to get on with his life; and find someone who does really feel something.
You need to boost your self-esteem,and gain some self-confidence. It's time to leave the nest, Missy!
If you need more education, get it. You should be on your own and supporting yourself. You don't gain a lot of worldly knowledge living at home with your parents.
You need survival skills, that takes navigating your way through life on your own. I understand if you moved back in for financial reasons, but keep it short. You can't depend on mum and dad to take care of you for the rest of your life.
Time to grow up and be out on your own, creating a good life for yourself, and making yourself available for someone you can share it with. Someone you have real romantic feelings for, and receiving the same in return.
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