A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ever since being in university I feel like i've lost my self respected, dignity and it makes me feel sick. I'm disappointed in myself for it...Basically, I keep kissing guys I meet on nights out! I've probably kissed just over 50 guys since being here, which is pretty bad. I've brought guys back and made out with them, but haven't slept with any of them. That is where I draw the line, in fact I haven't even had foreplay with any of them... just us feeling each other up at most. At the time it's just harmless fun and I don't think i'm doing anything wrong, but rather experiencing and being young. But then I always think if my parents knew, they would be very disappointed probably to the point where they would be disgusted and not want to talk to me! My friends say that i'm really tame for a university student and that what i've done really isn't that bad. That I shouldn't worry about what my parents may say, as it will stop me from experiencing this stuff.... But I can't shake it, or feel that what i'm doing isn't that bad! What do you guys think? And how can I stop thinking about my parents opinion? I mean I could really do with advice from people who don't know me...
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (28 May 2012):
Your friends are right in that other students have done far more than you, but that’s not important. What’s important is how you feel about what you’re doing, and if you do feel shame about it, you should stop. But how? Well, don’t initiate kissing a random guy and tell a guy that’s interested in kissing you that you’re not interested thanks. Secondly, why do you go against your better judgement? Is alcohol involved, perhaps? Thirdly, what do you do for a night out? Certain social activities like clubbing encourage people to “let their hair down,” drink a lot and yes, they’re very sexualised environments. Could you do something different? ?You’re at uni: is there a society for an activity you’re interested in that you could get involved with so that you could spend your time with others who share your interest rather than environments that revolve around getting trashed?I’ve tried to give you a broad answer, take from it what’s applicable to your situation, but this is something you should stop doing so do put some time in to thinking about the answers you’ll get on this great site.I wish you all the very best.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): When it comes to romance or partying, doing anything 50+ times in just a few years is probably a lot more than "harmless fun" or "experimenting." I think you've got a bit of a compulsive behavior going here.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 May 2012):
 I've lost count of the number of men I've kissed, you really are just a normal girl who isnt doing anything different to thousands of other girls who enjoy having a night out and a cheeky kiss with a guy.
If you were having sex with all of these men it would be a different matter, but a kiss is pretty harmless and nothing to be ashamed of.
Your parents never need to know that you kiss guys on nights out, its not likely to come up in conversation so they will never know. And in this case, what they dont know cant hurt them. In fact I'm sure they probably expect you to go out and kiss a few guys, even my mum (who is 52) used to kiss guys on nights out when she was younger, so I'm sure your parents will not be so naieve to think you dont ever go near men.
What you are doing is perfectly normal and you have nothing to worry about. Your parents will probably expect you to be meeting guys on nights out, and I'm sure they actually would be very proud that you are not sleeping with these men! Many girls your age sleep with 50+ men, so in reality your parents are lucky to have such a well behaved daughter!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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