A
female
age
30-35,
*add Girl
writes:Just found out my boyfriend has another baby with his first baby mama, they already have a son I knew about. im also 5 months pregnant with his baby, he said he just found out that her daughter is his, he didn't cheat with her the baby was before me he just didn't know or tell me. he just told me another baby even existed so now im just at a stand still idk how to handle or deal with the situation should I stay? Should I go? Im not sure I can deal with him having so many kids, he wants to be with me and work things out but I feel like im just his well kept secret. very few people know im having his baby they all know her and their kids since they have it all. I dont feel me and my baby even have a place. I love him this is my first baby. I just need advice maybe from someone who's been through this situation. What should I do ?
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (9 May 2013):
 Children do need and do better with both parents in their lives.
How do you think the father is going to cope with "being there" for the children he already has PLUS your baby.
What do you have against adoption?
Why would you not place him with two people who will love him and give him the opportunities in life that you might not be able to provide - unless of course you have a good income and ARE able to do so. As I already found out it would NOT mean you'd lose touch withy your child.
Think about your options some more.
A
female
reader, Badd Girl +, writes (4 May 2013):
Badd Girl is verified as being by the original poster of the question Im finally starting to show its not that family and friends dont know but ive never met much of his family (only his mom recently) and only a few friends we were talking about marriage even picked out rings all of this jus made me put everything on hold adoption isn't going to happen. I dont mind taking care of my baby all by myself but would that be best for my baby when he could have both parents in his life ?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 May 2013):
 You are not a BADD girl. Do not think that. (can’t help it I read names). Why do you feel like a secret. Do you not see his friends and family? At 5 months you should be starting to show some and it’s ok to be telling people IF he does not want to tell the friends and family then you do have a big problem.
I love Denise’s advice on adoption.
I also think since you are not married to the father and he has other children and obligations to them, that getting a DNA paternity test (we know he’s the dad and so do you but you want this totally on the up and up legally) is a great idea.
IF you think it will be too difficult (and remember his Child Support for two kids is way more than what it is for one child and when you two break up (as will probably happen) then his income will be split between you and the baby and his ex and her two kids.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (2 May 2013):
 First off, take a deep breath. You don't have to make a decision today and you are still reeling with the news.
I think part of this process is accepting that your boyfriend is going to be having another child. Unfortunately, it does mean the time he is able to spend with you and your child is going to be further limited. It also impacts how much money he will be able to spend to support you.
While you are thinking of breaking up with your boyfriend (and I can certainly understand your reasonings), I think you need to ask yourself what will it solve? If anything, it would likely make things worse for you as you would now find yourself solo. You'd be punishing yourself and your unborn child for your boyfriend's past transgressions. Like any relationship, a couple's staying power must be able to roll with whatever life throws at them.
Like Denise's advice, I encourage you to reach out to friends and family for support. I think you will need them more than you than you know and with them in your corner, the anxiety of dealing with your boyfriend's past and your future will help more than you can know.
You may also want to talk with your boyfriend and ask him what this news means to you and him. What are his plans for the two of you and how does he propose to be a father-figure to all of his children.
Finally, while you state that he knows it is his, I would still encourage him to seek a paternity test once the child is born to completely verify it is his. Also, please double up on the birth control: something for you and a condom for him.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 May 2013):
Legally, a father (whether not married to the mother, or divorced) MUST provide financial support for his child. You, as the mother have to request it and the court (family court) will set the amount, based on the father's income.
I strongly advise you to do this. If he breaks up with you, then so be it!
There is the option for placing your baby for adoption. You might be reluctant to do so; however there are some things to think about: as the birth mother it does not mean you'll never see your child ever again. His/her "new parents" can keep in touch with you and you can exchange letters, probably talk to the little one on webcam; talk on the phone, and visit sometimes.
The adoptive parents will tell the youngster that YOU are his birth mother and that you placed him for adoption because you love her and want the best possible life and opportunities for him or her.
I do realize that would be a very hard, wrenching step to take. The thing is, that if, having given everything very careful consideration, you believe that even with (or without) financial support from the father, you simply don't have the means to give him or her the kind of life and opportunities you'd want her to have, then, you know, what you're doing is because you love her so much and is very caring and responsible.
I do hope this helps. I wish you all the best!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): Cripe sake, does anyone use protection anymore??? This guy is going to be the father of three children that young? Okay, it's just hard to read this kind of stuff when protection is so readily available. This guy is going to be paying child support out of his behind for the rest of his life and having to deal with lots of parenting issues down the road...this will be his life for the next 18+ years...not likely something he was thinking about or any of you when passion took over...he is not likely going to be a good provider financially for you, unless he lands some six figure job. I hope the two of you can work it out, but you had better be prepared for a very difficult and financially strapped life with this guy. You best protect yourself and do whatever it takes to make it on your own because you likely will be. Try to go to school and earn a degree in something that will offer you a decent salary so you don't end up working at a convenient store at minimum wage. Look, what's done is done, you can't rewind and have a do-over, so if this guy is on board, then figure out how you are going to do this together. He can father children no problem, now he has to grow up really fast and be a responsible father and help provide for his children and the mothers. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 May 2013):
I'm sorry to hear you're in such dire straits.
It's too late now - for this time - but you ought to have insisted he wear a condom when having sex with you, and or gotten on the pill.
He sounds very unreliable and not honest in not telling you he was still having sex with the other woman. You LOVE him? Really? What for?
As to what to do: you have to think first and foremost (never mind him) about your OWN welfare and that of the baby you're carrying. Do you have a job? How will you support and care for both your child and yourself for the next twenty years or so until he/she is grown up and able to earn a living?
What about your parents and other family members? Do they know what's going on?
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