A
male
age
30-35,
*ozmo
writes:I am 22 and never been with a girl. It makes me sad and unhappy and I crave someone to be close to, cuddle and other intimacy. Yet I can't seem to find the drive to do anything.Each year I think to myself: this year I want to get a girl. It hasn't happened so far.In contrast this year I also thought to myself "I will save up and get a new motorbike buy this time next year" Lo and behold I have already saved up enough money for the new bike about 8 months later.What I don't get is that I am not unhappy with my current motorbike, I love it. But I would also not mind and quite like the idea of getting a new one, So I saved up. But how come I have no drive to fix something that is actively making me UNHAPPY? Its like I am comfortable in my misery and I dunno why I have no desire to make an effort to try and talk to girls or get a gf.
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get a girlfriend, money, no desire Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): Hey buddy get this straight you just don't go out and get a girlfriend. It is not something you buy and order. But if you are talking about the ladies of the evening then that is another story. Why should I as a woman even want to go out with you? Your not even happy with yourself. Why don't you stop beating yourself up and start being a little pro active and have a positive outlook on life. What is with that motor cycle. Okay you like it. Sorry you really love it. That's okay. What else could you bring to a relationship or friendship with a woman? If you love bikes that much I am sure there are women out there that love the same. But right now you don't have enough self esteem to even get up the courage to ask a woman for a date. Listen man up and get the help you need to be a self confident man that accepts who he is but is willing to put himself out there to get a woman as a friend first with romantic possibilities later. You don't have the drive to take action because you are afraid. You better think quickly how to get help to correct this issue. I know what it feels like to be alone at night. And it does suck and makes you feel like you describe. But I know one thing when I come home after a long day at work my sweetheart has made dinner and always has a little surprise for me. God it feels good to be in love and wanted and cared for. And I know you want the same thing. Good-luck....xoxo
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (2 May 2013):
I think therapy would help you find out why. I mean, you are not consciously stopping you. Something inside you subconscious is preventing you from getting into a relationship. It could be fear as anonymous female suggested. But it could be another unresolved matter. And you wont be able to advance unless you find out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): Bike is one thing, to be with another human being is different. Bike can't reject you, it will love you no matter what. A girl might reject you, actually before you find someone you will be rejected quite a bit like everyone else.
I think you lack of motivation to "get" a girl is based on your fear of rejection. Unfortunately for men they have to do the first move most of the time. Now times changed and women sometimes ask a guy out on a date, but mostly it is considered to be guy's work. I was actually surprised to see how many guys are shy to make a move. They hint and kind of wait till we say something reassuring for them to move forward.
I personally prefer when a guy is straightforward. It's easier. Most of the time I appreciate the effort and say yes to the first date, unless it's a 100% not my type. I happened to change my opinion about guy and how much I m attracted to him during the course of the night so many times that now I would rather give him a chance than say, no.
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