A
female
age
41-50,
*ary55
writes:4 years ago I lost a baby girl at 5 and a half months, a couple of years later my mother died of cancer and a year later my daddy died suddenly after a 6 week illness. I had a beautiful son before my mother died. I've recently become homeless and had to move in with a sibling. I have a boyfriend who is lovely. I realise that I am lucky to have a healthy child and am blessed in other ways. But I can't help getting stressed over the slightest thing and have a fear of lurking doom constantly, will I ever feel normal again? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): You are not alone. I feel like that lately too. Like you, I have been through a lot of painful losses similar to yours. Sometimes I'm scared I'm broken and won't ever heal. When you are in a bad place, trying to think about your blessings feels like SO much work, you just can't do it. And then you feel guilty because you know you should be grateful for them, which makes it worse. You've been deeply wounded emotionally and you have to acknowledge that and not get down on yourself. With these wounds there are going to be dark days. Accept them. Sometimes, for me, the fastest way out is to stop fighting it and go fully into it. I say to my emotions, okay fine. If we're going to do this then let's do it up all the way. I could have been fighting the feelings for weeks... but the funny thing is when i give myself permission to just be in that place, after a day or so of "allowing it" it lifts away. Recognize that life moves in cycles. Think of your life as a journey. Sometimes you are traveling though a desert and nothing good is happening and it seems to go on forever. But just keep going. Do whatever you can that helps you keep going. Any little thing you can do is a victory. For me, I force myself not to withdraw from the people who love me. I talk to my confidantes and let them know how I am feeling. I make plans with friends who make me smile. I write down all the fearful things in my head, to get them out of my head. Sometimes I just take a ride in the car and let myself cry. What you said... will I ever feel normal again. That's the worst part, thinking it's never going to end. But it will. A day will come when you will feel happy. I promise. It's important to grab hold of that when it comes and realize that you got out of the darkness. That way when the "desert" comes again, you will know you got out once, you will again. Then you have proof that you can trust hope. Just need to be patient. Big hug. One day at a time.
A
female
reader, Aylarsh  +, writes (23 February 2008):
 I feel bad for you and you have my sympathy!!Concentrate on what you have now and the positvies. What good things are in your life, not the bad ones. Bad things have come your way and you have gone through much heart ache. Have faith and you will get through this time, remember the loved ones that you lost during the good times. Improve yourself and reach for higher goals.This fear will go away when you want it to. Have a mantra that you say whenever you feel this sadness will overcome you. You still have other loved ones that love you just as much! Imbrace them and their love for you and your child. You ahve a child and you need to be their for him aswell. See he gets through school and use your mistakes to help him learn You will come to inner peace but only when you are ready. Set aside time for your self each day to find your self and be connected with who and what you are.I hope I helped you and if you need anymore help from me then feel free to contact me! I hope all is well Love!3
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (23 February 2008):
 You have my deepest sympathy and my prayers go out to you for the pain you have endured. You truly do have to look at the positive and count your blessings. I have had personal tragedies like this in my life too....and all I can tell you is to have faith and endure. Pain of this sort doesnt just go away...what you do is learn to live with it, and remember those that you loved in the best of times. Cherish their memories and keep their spirit with you.
That fear that you have...who can blame you for having that feeling of impending doom. After all you have been through. Insead of trying to shut down the pain, embrace it. It is a part of you now. But you can still live your life happy and fulfilling from this day forward. You still have poeple that love you and care so much for you. You have a son that needs you and you have to be a good mother to him. If nothing else HE is your reason for being.
Eventually you will be in a place you can call normal...but this will take some time. Happiness in life is not something that just comes to you..it is something you have to work hard for and earn. It doesn't come easy. Yes there is sometimes luck involved....but for the most part you have to put on that smile, and then you feel that smile.
Some day you will feel that smile. Please feel free to email me. My heart is with you.
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reader, maddox08 +, writes (23 February 2008):
 Yes you will feel normal again, take it from me in one year I had 7 members in my family die. My grandma, cousins, uncles it was crazy. When things like this happen you feel crazy like the world is closing in on you and you just can't help but feel like am I gonna be next. In the back of your mind the fear of impending doom is always there and it will always be there until you tell yourself that its out of your hands, and live life to the fullest everyday and thank god you still have the joy of your life your son. Trust me just live everyday to the fullest and eventually the fear will melt away
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