A
female
age
36-40,
*pple-s
writes:few months ago ive been seeing a guy who i have strong feelings for but he's been using me for sex, and i told him i want more than this. its very hard to get a smile from him he wont have a normal convo, he's very disrespectful, why does he hate me so much?? he told me he doesnt do emotional stuff,he used to call and txt me everyday now he stopped an now im the one to do all the calling, when i do get through to him he trys to pick a fight which doesnt make sence he comes out with oh my fone battery is low or he would say fuck off leave me alone. he only calls me when he wants sex sex or bj.he told me he knows people before me,he so i wanna know if you think he treats these other girls differently. I FEEL DESTROYED AND USED AND I CANT EVEN MOVE ON HE WONT EVEN GIVE ME A PROPER CLOSURE. PLZ HELP
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): I am feeling you. I was seeing this guy for about six months. He was only for physical relation. I was always asking him where this was going, and why can't he have a normal relationship with me.. He always had excuses, and always made up some shit. He even told me stuff like : ' I love you, I would do anything for you' .. But when something came up, he wasn't there for me, of course. My advice to you is- move on. I can see you deserve much more. You can see clearly that he is not ready for commitment and according to your words, he never will be, at least not with you. Maybe you should try ignoring him for a couple of weeks, and than call him, and ask him did you forget your lipstick at his place, you can't seem to find it. Nothing personal. You should really try and see how it works. ignore him. he might come around.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): You need to move on. Obviously you subconsciously already know that or you wouldn't be posting this. I know that's not what you want to hear. You're probably waiting for an answer to make you feel better and one that will explain why he does this and maybe something about his secret love for you, but there is none. Men can be complicated and hard to read at times, but in some cases its very clear. He's using you. You know it. Move on. Stop calling him and find someone else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): I think you're missing the point apple-s. It's not about what you've given him BJ or not he still has absolutely nothing to offer you but pain and heartbreak. You need to move on and stay away from this guy or he will just keep using you.
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female
reader, apple-s +, writes (10 August 2010):
apple-s is verified as being by the original poster of the question no, your getting it wrong i never gave him a bj but one day he called me asking if i can give him a bj and he knows im not that type to be doing that. but for himto even ask me is fucking rude
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (10 August 2010):
He is using you for sex only because you are letting him.
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (10 August 2010):
 And by the way it is the man with a conscience and some compassion and empathy for others who will let the little wet, cold, unkempt, starving dog in the house.
This man is cruel and posesses none of those qualities or he wouldn't be using you like that in the first place on an ongoing basis.
Behavior on your part needs to stop and stop today.
Choose to have more respect for yourself and your body,
you're worth more than that.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (10 August 2010):
The thing about closure is it really never helps. What you are feeling is emotional pain, and what you are asking for is a logical explanation of why why why. Well logic does not solve an emotional issue, it can't, the pain is still there. You have to come to your own mental closure by making some decisions.Here are the decisions you need to make:This man is using you and treating you like a doormat.You are the cold wet starving stray dog that no one will let in the house.Funny how if you were well fed and didn't need anything, clean dog, you would be let in the house pronto.Being used for sex or servicing a man is a good deal for the MAN, not for the Woman. No self respecting woman would give out BJ's like they were bubblegum. You are not being powerful over men by using your sexuality.Women are biologically hard-wired to bond to the person they are having sex with. Sex releases some feel good hormones in the brain, such as oxycontin, which is the same feel good hormone released when a woman has given birth to a child, it is a bonding chemical.Men are not hard wired to bond during sex, so giving a man sex will not make him love you or bond with you. He doesn't owe you anything because you have freely given away your sex to him.Man get's mad when girl with benefits starts to cling and claw and fight for more, she becomes that needy, unfed, unkempt little dog that he won't let in.A girl who is self posessed, well fed (spiritually) confident and well groomed will get an opportunity to come inside to see if there is more to her.In short stop acting like an f'ing stray dog and get some self respect. Go home cry, eat some icecream and tell yourself you have been stupid for even caring about this total scumbag. Change your number and never see him again, period.Closure is not required. You decisions to do better, to be smarter and to move on is your closure....it's in your hands and your capacity to do this for yourself.
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female
reader, jadedblue +, writes (10 August 2010):
Two words for you, GET OUT. Seriously, your relationship does not sound healthy and it seems like he might have another relationship going on because he is obviously not having one with you.
There is no closure because there never was an opening. You need to STOP seeing, texting, calling, and having sex with this guy. Just stay away from him and work on yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): Why would he give you closure when he can just get a BJ instead?
This guy has it made, he has a girl that will give him sex anytime he wants and all he has to do is put up with a few emotional texts and phone calls. Why would he want to give that up?
I say be quiet, be a good girl and just keep giving him what he wants. It would be nice if you'd stop texting him all this emotional stuff too, just wait for his call and open your legs when he asks. If you want to be used then do it properly, only open your mouth when he has something to put in it.
What I just said is exceptionally harsh, extreme and not something I'd normally say to someone in your situation but the fact is you know he's using you, you're letting him use you and personally I don't think you're going to stop him, especially since you're the one who is now making all the contact.
You know he doesn't have feelings for you, you know he's never going to have a relationship with you and you're the one who won't let go and move on.
You want closure? He doesn't want you but you give him sex whenever he asks, you can either continue to live this way or you regain some dignity and tell him to 'f*ck off'
This guy is treating you like crap and you still don't get the hint, you let him use you, disrespect you and make a fool out of you. What you want from him he can't give you so stop giving him what he wants and move on. There's your closure.
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A
female
reader, MURPHYSLAW +, writes (10 August 2010):
I do understand because I am in a similar situation, but he isn't using me for sex at all. He just want talk on the phone or communicate with me. He just want compromise, he told me that he was going to move out of town because his contract with his job here in our current state. He recently told me he may stay and wanted to get an apartment together, but I haven't heard from him at all. I just think he really don't know what he really wants so, I just want closure from him before he moves away at the end of August. I left him messages and I wrote him a letter and emailed to him and he hasn't responded yet. I asked him to contact me before he moves so I can get closure.
I said that to say this to you that you need to talk to someone you trust about this situation or get consider counseling or something and just remember there is A I D S out here; so you shouldn't be putting your mouth on any man, because a lot of them don't believe in using protection at all. So don't beat yourself up about it just learn from your mistakes and don't call him anymore, because no man is worth your self respect. Remember you have to Love and Respect yourself first before anyone else will. Hold your head up and remember you want a man who can treat you how you treat him and if he doesn't then you walk away right away and erase his phone number. Finally never go backwards in a relationship if it didn't work the first time it probably won't work at all. Keep it moving forward...................
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female
reader, natmarie +, writes (10 August 2010):
 I think you need to delete his number right now, and go through the pain barrier. he is not a nice guy, and I am really sorry you are having to go through this.Do you love him or something? He is so rude to you -!! if you contiune letting him verbally abuse you like this it will destroy all our self confidence. please change your number too if you can. Find someone else.. and fast. let us know how you get on.
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female
reader, lockwood11 +, writes (10 August 2010):
Sorry to hear about your situation, iv just been used myself, its happened to me twice now. You need to just forget about him and find someone who deserves you, no one deserves to be treated like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): I had almost the same thing with a guy who pretended to be in love with me and single, i realized later that he's been seeing other people including a girlfriend. So, listen to me dear and swallow my words , closure is an illusion, trust me, when a guy tells u to f...off , isn't this enough to close the deal , worse , seal it forever. it's your mistake giving him the chance of using you, it's pretty obvious what he's looking for and you're giving it to him out of love. please turn your back on this abuser, cause you're the only one who provides you with a closure, better be with dignity then without one. sorry for being harsh but i've been there and hate seeing this happening with others. be strong and love yourself .
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male
reader, Scott french  +, writes (10 August 2010):
How much do u think that you love him? Can you live without him? Think about the way he treats u! In my point of view, he doesnt treat u like a human. For him, u r nothing, u cant even compare with the whores (cause At Least whores get paid after they get f***.). Sorry for being so rude to say that. Maybe he thinks you r just his sex toy! He can use it to play whenever he wants. When he doesnt need it , he throws it away, when he needs it again. He picks it up and play it. Who does he think he is? The only man on the whole world huh? The only man has a cock huh?Do u want to stay the rest of ur life with this kind of person? If NOT what the point to keep that relationship? Run away like u see a devil in front of u. Before u run away, tell me " go and suck and fuck urself, ur motherf***er! " . Im not trying to separate ur guys. But i am really angry at this freakin man! I am sorry!
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