A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've got a problem involving one of my best friends and my flatmate who is also one of my good friends and need help :(I started at uni about 3 mothns ago and was lucky to find myself in a flat with some lovely people. We all get on really well and theres a real bond between all of us. We go out clubbing together, we know eachothers friends and we are all there for eachother. 3 boys and 2 girls. Anyways the other girl and I, have another really good friend, who we shall call Caroline. Because everyone in the flat knows eachothers friends - obviously all being at the same uni, she comes over a fair bit and ended up developing a bit of a crush on one of our male flatmates - Anthony. At first it seemed like she liked him a lot more than he liked her but none of us thought it would become anything else as Caroline, and I dont mean in this a bad way, never tends to settle down. She just has flings then goes on to something else. But I dont mean that in a bad way, shes one of my best friends and I like her just how she is. I care about her and thats the reason I'm asking for help here. Anyways, out of all the people in the flat, I've probably bonded with Anthony the best. Purely platonic. We stay up and have a chat over a glass of wine and when one of my relatives died he was the one who really made sure I was ok. During one of our late night chats he told me really wasn't that in to Caroline and that he found her clingy and then he showed me how many txts she was sending a day. Around 15, all within the space of about 3 hours. I was going to maybe mention something to Caroline the next day because I didn't want her to get hurt but the next day she said in conversation that she wasn't really interested in him anymore so I thought I'd leave it because it was over anywaysHowever the other night she came around and I heard them having sex in the next room. The next day she was being all lovey dovey about him to me (we were out shopping), saying she might actually want to go out with him and that she loved his body and he was really sweet etc etc etc. But then that evening, Anthony and I had another heart to heart and he told me he just wanted it to be sex and nothing more. I don't know what to do :(I dont want Caroline to get hurt but I think shes going to - she thinks its getting serious, and he says he's in it just for the sex. If I tell Caroline 1) I think she'll be hurt and 2) she'll tell Anthony that I said it to her and then it will make things awkward in the flat between Anthony and I. If I don't tell anyone anything, she'll probably get really hurt and angry at Anthony (who to be fair, I think has beeb lead in to this thinking it was casual sex) and then Caroline won't be able to come around our flat anymore incase it's awkward with Anthony. Help! What do I do? I confided in one of our mutual friends what Anthony had said about Caroline, and she thinks I should try and talk to Caroline and pretend its another friend who is in this mess and ask what she would do in that situation and see what she says. I'm right in the middle of it though and need advice!!
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best friend, clubbing, crush, flatmate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ez4u2say  +, writes (10 November 2008):
Maybe just keep yourself out of it is the best way not to get blamed for anything. If you try to discuss this with either the story will get changed later and you will be the bad guy or girl. Let them make their own mistakes and when it is brought up change the subject.
A
female
reader, Miss Potter +, writes (10 November 2008):
 Hey!
Well I wouldnt say anything to Caroline as maybe she will take it as an offence and none of your business kinda thing? I would talk to Anthony and just state my concern about Caroline getting hurt and maybe suggesting that he would tell Caroline that its just sex?
Anyhow I dont think anyone should get involved between two people whatever you do one side will be happy and the other wont. Besides, maybe in the end it will work out for those two? Maybe they will get together in the end, and in this case you trying to talk them out of this casual thing wouldnt do you any favours. So yeh, Id tell Anthony that youre concerned that Caroline is taking it too seriously, but by the end of the day its up to them to deal with it.
And if doesnt work out who said u always have to meet at your flat, there are lots of other places where you can hang out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): I would just tell her, how mad can anthony be? you screwed up his lay? she may be fine with it just being sex as long as she knows, better to tell her now then let it get even more complicated.
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