A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hii have a problem. i'm a masculine guy and i have always known that i liked guys but would always aviod actually meeting any as i enjoyed the thought of being with a man but knew if it actually came to the real thing i would run for the hills, so i just always fought my feelings and went with women, which although was good left me feeling empty and not completly happy. so when i turned 19, i decided to give it a go to see how i would actually feel in a gay relationship and sleep with a man. I have been going out with my boyfriend now for 8 months, and everything is ok, but it doesn't feel right either. Even though he has shared me with his friends, i just can't bring myself to tell anyone close to me about him, as i feel people will lose self respect for me-although this probably won't be the case. and when he visit's me i tell people he's my buddy, i also only ever show true emotions behind closed doors and its annoying me, as all i wanted was a normal(as it could be) be relationship. To be honest, when we have sex it's good, but after i feel sick and disgusted with myself. I'm completly at a loss and i don't want to hurt anyone, and honestly do not know what to do. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): Hey, its funny... I think I am in the EXACT same situation as you.. it sounded like you were explaining my life. -I'm masculine-I've always liked guys-feel the same way about having a relationship with a guy-started a relationship with a guy about a year ago-he's come out to his friends/family, but I haven't and don't feel comfortable about it..-dont know what i'm going to do...add me on msn if you wanna chat sometime [Modnote: email blocked]
A
male
reader, aim  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 I kind of get where you're coming from. And it's just that you (and i as well) are afraid of how the world would judge you when you come out of the closet. It's because the world suggests and that of 'normality' states that Adam should go with Eve and not Steve. So, its a way of covering up or maybe trying to live what you're 'supposed' to be or do. But there will really come a point when you know that Steve is the perfect match and you cant fool yourself anymore that you like Eve better and you have to accept it and come out!I have my guesses but.. why do you feel sick and disgusted with yourself after sex with your bf? why? I mean... i guess, it kind of shows that you are still trapped in a world of generalizatons. Coz i think you shouldnt feel disgusted with yourself since you DO (i sure hope so) love your bf and sex with him is kinda sacred and just one way of expressing your affection to him. I must say that coming out really is tough and very daunting. But i guess not coming out and keeping your true self will be harder on your part. I believe other advices below me are magnificent and you should consider all of em. Gluck. ;)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 February 2008):
 If your conscience troubles you and give you no peace, stop being a closet gay and go back to being straight.
Your spiritual or cultural upbringing may have caused you to have conflicts inside of you.
You are not ready to live a gay life yet.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 February 2008):
 I'm a 40-something married woman, so you may not care much about what I have to say, but here it is!
Don't feel ashamed or disgusted for your feelings; they are normal, you are normal, and it sounds to me that you're gay. Have you told your friends and family that you're gay yet?
I have quite a few friends who are gay, and who 'came out' at one point or another; there's not really a good time, as I've been told, and if your family is conservative, it's even more difficult.
The thing is, my gay friends who are honest with everyone seem to be happiest. When they were closeted they were ill-tempered and unhappy. Even when it was obvious to all of us that someone was gay, it was sad to watch someone try to be someone they were not.... when they finally came out to us and could just sit back and relax, that's when they seemed to be completely at ease with themselves and were so much fun to be with!
You may not be with the right guy yet....but embrace your sexuality and your desires. You'll find what works for you when you let yourself acknowledge your deepest self.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, lilmisse2424 +, writes (24 February 2008):
 Hello there,
Coming out and telling people that you are gay is tough. What you're going through is what many people who had problems opening up about gay went through, and I actually have friends that are gay and know what you went through, with one still scared to tell his parents that he is gay. You will have to eventually open up to people and tell them, and that will take time. I would try to sit down with someone and talk to them and just tell them, and see how they react and would still accept you because people have different views of being gay. I would do that first, and I hope this helps you.
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A
male
reader, will +, writes (24 February 2008):
 hey i kinda no were ur comin from my uncle was in relationships with women includin a couple of serious ones he was a popular masculin guy and all his friends were not homophobic but dint really lyk talkin bout it till one day he meet his online boyfriend and eventually he came out and to be fare he did lose some of his friends but he figured he was beta off without them and his real friends stood by him and he is soooo happy with his bf he has a new job when he was recently signing on and hes jst a beta guy to be around anyway all im sayin is u will feel great about the whole thing and dnt worry about anyone else.
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