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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: hi everyone I could really use some opinions I was just wondering what you think this means I have been in a fwb for a while now he comes to mine I go to his for a coffee or a movie or something he somtimes just wants to cuddle me and kiss me I have totally fallen in love with him but I am not sure whether to tell him as I am scared how he would react he has been very badly hurt in the past he has also said to me that he never wants another relationship what do you think I should do about this situation any answers greatly appreciated thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (26 April 2012):
Perhaps Not has hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately, fwb style relationships tend to end up with someone getting hurt and you can bet that 99 out of 100 times, it will be the female.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): Every guy is different and having been in your position befor I can tell you it sounds like he's just afraid of commiting even though he seems to have commited. Saying those words to him could run him off. My best advice is continue the relationship as is until he decides to commit he just isn't ready yet to verbalize what's happening. Everything seems more real when you say it out loud and love and commitment tends to scare a lot of people. You don't have to have a title to be happy. If your family doesn't know him then have a family fun bbq and when he gets introduced say something like this is ________ he's my ______ and let him fill in the second blank. That will give you an idea on where he believes your guys relationship is. Sometimes they don't like to commit because they like "playing the field" but sounds to me like he is just afraid of commitment.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 "I am not sure whether to tell him as I am scared how he would react he has been very badly hurt in the past"First off, let me preface this by saying that the whole "hurt before" is a cop out. Who hasn't been hurt in their past relationships? Do you know of anyone that has never experienced rejection or has been deceived in some way? The fact is that people move on. People move on from abusive relationships, from very dysfunctional lives and from divorce. They especially move on when they fall in love. This guy isn't in love with you. This is why he is telling you that "he never wants another relationship". He's telling you this, so that you know where you stand, just in case you think this may lead to a real relationship. He has been very upfront with you and your future together. He is not interested in making you his girlfriend, or being in an exclusive, committed relationship.Now it's your turn to honest. What do you have to lose really? Casual sex, some cuddle nights and his non-committed company? You love him and if you don't tell him soon, nothing will change. You may grow more miserable, more anxious and unhappier in general. You're experiencing first hand why FWB relationships are better left untouched. Tell him and let the cards fall as they may. He just may feel the same way (though I doubt it), he may cease to continue your FWB deal, or he may continue with things as they are, pretending the talk never happened. You never know. In either case, you have nothing to lose as you don't have anything real and substantial with him now anyway.
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A
female
reader, LenaP +, writes (26 April 2012):
Well usually with fwb all u do is have sex. If he wants to cuddle with u and watch a movie, I think he cares more about u than just using u. And maybe he means that he doesnt want to be in another relationship with anyone else.....except u! Guys can change their minds and maybe u opened up a new window for him. Hearts are often broken with words left unspoken. The best thing u cn do is have a conversation with him. He cant read minds and neither can u. Maybe hes just worried about scaring u away bc he doesnt no if u feel the same or not. It mIght take him longer to realize his feelings for u if he has any
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): FWB was really bad to me. the guy did the same things your guy did , but the loser did it with other girls too and I didn't know it. By the time I told him I loved him he was officialy dating a girl for some time now that I didn't know. So, I ended up being the idiot who fell for the guy. He felt guilty alright but he is with this girl and I was just his FWB to play. If you want to take the risk go ahead and do it quickly before you get too involved. you don't want what happened to me. Good luck!
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