A
male
age
,
*lash33
writes:I am a man that can admit that I have such a hard time trusting women. I am afraid of being lied to, cheated on, and used for my gentlemanly, respectful, and generous ways. I have a woman (fiance)that is very beautiful and she is has a large set of attention getters, if you know what I mean. She works at a facility that houses about 300 veteran men, which by the way is where I met her. She gets so much attention and offers for gifts food, and everything else you can imagine. Before she and I joined in a relationship, I would watch the offers day in and day out. I watched the inappropriate stares and listened to the many disrespectful words. I even watched one gentleman (Not) grab her hands and did not want to let go. When we became a couple I voiced not wanting her to accept gifts or do many favors for the guys because they could and would take things the wrong way. She says she can handle herself and I need to trust that she is doing the right things. But I worry about bad things happening to her and her even finding someone better than me. What do you think and What Can I Do to make things better for both of us? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Flash33 +, writes (26 April 2012):
Flash33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank all of yo that have commented on my issue. It means a lot to be able to talk to someone and share what it is that hurts or bothers you. The comments or feedback are priceless and it comes from people that do not even know you. And that is Great. Thank You All.
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (26 April 2012):
All these things were happening before you were a couple and she chose YOU! Not them. She could have chosen one of them but made you the priority. Don't ruin it with insecurity. Take comfort in the fact that she chose you in the first place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): Heres the thing, its alway been this situation for her before you got together. She coped then and she can cope now. You were wanting to come riding in on your white steed and charger to rescue a maid and found a strong independent woman.
She feel for you because she liked what she saw and got. A confident, un needy independent man. Unlike the others, who hint at wanting her but no courage to ask. You saw beyond her attractions and wanted to get to know the real her. You liked what you got. I personally think love is hard to find and keep if you stop being the person you were , she cant stop her job because your insecure, and you need to trust her judgement and not try to control things. Just accept that she loves you as much as you love her, women dont want to marry on whims.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): She chose to be with you for a reason. Maybe because you were a gentleman and behaved yourself around her and she liked that! Maybe the other guys that gawp and fawn over her because she is good looking and has a set of attention getters...i love that description...really DONT interest her. I can get that.
I can also understand how you might feel a little worried if you have had disappointments in the past. But the thing is. She sounds a really good woman, she must be to do the job she does and be so popular. Of all the guys she met, she found something different and special about YOU. So give yourself a pat on the back!
Dont hash it up because you feel insecure. Talk to her and let her reassure you a few times and LISTEN to what she says. Have some faith in her. She cant help the way she looks or the attention she gets, surrounded as she is by all those men. So take a leap of faith and try to accept she is attractive and gets a lot of attention. She is your woman and you should be proud of that. Let this boost your self confidence and enjoy! If you let the niggling doubts creep in it will only spoil things, so why go down that destructive road? A leap of faith is in order and its no more than she deserves if she has never given you reason to doubt she is a genuine lady. So try to understand this issue is yours and deal with it however you have to, counseling if necessary. But dont end up driving her away with your insecurities because that would be a real shame.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 April 2012):
 If she's had a large chest for a long time, she's had plenty of time to get used to stupid unwanted comments. If she says she can handle the comments, I'm sure she can.
Show her respect by trusting her judgement. If you can't handle her choice of a career, then maybe you need to make a different choice in a girlfriend.
If you've been cheated on, lied to and used because of your ways several times, then you may need to make a change in the way you find your dates. If you are experiencing fear of being cheated on and there's no real basis for that fear, well, then think about why you are allowing suspicion to rule your life.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 Here's the key thing to remember. You asked her to marry you and she said YES!
Unfortunately, you can't control how other men interact with her, or how she reacts in turn to them. I think what you need to do is try to have some trust in your relationship, and in your fiancee. An honest, open discussion is definitely in order here. You need to communicate to her that you're worried about what could potentially happen to her if she accepts these gifts and handouts from random people. Communicate your insecurities about her finding another man.
Most of the problems in a relationship can be solved by communication, by the way. Just be honest with her about how you feel. She may not give you an answer that you want to hear, but she can't respond at all if you don't tell her how you're feeling.
masq
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): There is nothing you can do to hinder her ability to attract others. I too have been down this road before. Being with the girl other people want is never an easy thing. Intact, I was the Guy you would have to worry about when it came to hitting on beautiful girls. And you want to hear the most common mistake guys in your position make? You get too obsessive. And insecure. You're going to have to learn to trust her to make the right decisions when it comes to guys hitting on her. If you let your insecurities take over the relationship then pretty soon you're going to chase her away.and you'll have a Guy like me on your hands. Don't make the mistake of being the paranoid boyfriend who wants to know her every move. She got with you for a reason, don't let your confidence waver.PS. Sorry for spelling or grammar mistakes. I'm using my phone to do this..
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (26 April 2012):
 I agree that it is not harmless to receive gifts from random men because it would take you to give her many more gifts, bigger and better gifts to make your gift special to her. It's like you are not as important because there are many men in her life making her happy. By receiving gifts she is gesturing and welcoming more contact from men.
I would feel disgusted if a man touches my hand and would not let go. This is unwanted attention. I would tell him to stop.
I doubt she thinks veteran men are better than you. It is the mere fact that all the presents sitting at her house is causing you distress, that you are not enough for her. Ask her how she would like it if you have a bunch of women buying you food and gifts and stroking your tie. It is not about whether she will make mistakes, it is about being considerate to a person's feelings. Disagree with her, she is not doing the right things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): What do you think and What Can I Do to make things better for both of us?You can stop being so insecure, if she's with you it's because she likes you better than the others, but there's no such a thing as what I can do to prevent my bf/gf from been attracted to somebody else or cheating on me, you have to trust unfortunately that's why relationships make us vulnerable, if you become too controlling she may dump you for that, you have to take a risk and just trust her. She can find loads of people that are better off, more handsome, more this and that than you but again you have to trust in her love for you, there's always the possibility that our partner will fall out of love with us, that's why love needs to be cultivated, and why you can't take your loved one for granted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): I think you lack self confidence. You should start making things better by trusting her. If you keep up with your insecurity or it gets worse she will not be by your side. And it would help greatly if u stopped watching her. Until she tells u she can't handle it, you should let her be. You can be her white knight just don't control her, who she interacts with, and her friendships.
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