A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and a Co worker. Apart from him kissing me on the cheek at a party, a long lasting hug and teaseful poking and podging or hitting thats our physical interaction.A year and a half, he became my friend and i trusted him alot. we fell out as i told him i did not fancy him(this was to protect him from gossips) we did not talk really for nearly 6months. We only started talking as he became nice again.Reality is i have fallen for him. The way he makes me feel.He is different to me-our office is full of women and honestly he does only flirt with me. He only opens doors for me.He will tell my friend he is now separated but then at times this changes.When his mood is fine he talks, when not will ignore. He can be romantic as wait for me ,so we walk to our car together.Recently we was working together. Intially he said he needed my help so i had to go out on visits with him.We saw a friend and he told her he was looking for a new job.Told me in a few years. It came out that i am going on a date this friday.He changed, got jealous, shouted at me saying people will say i'm skiving off work as i want to take leave for the day.I said i dont want him to go(job) he replied you will get over it!and i need to keep my otions clear.In the office he changed,didn;t want to work with me and was angry.In front of him i cancelled my date for friday then after he wanted to spend time wth me, was protective, funny and opened up saying how "i don't want to mix pleasure with business it will be dangerous". I have fallen for him.When we are together he is a different kind loving guy.Reality is he hasn;t made a move per say and i am lonely.But every day i see him i get butterflies .I did re-arrange that date with this guy and it went ok but my heart wants the co worker-He's 48 im 24.please help me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2014): Just go with the flow.
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (15 June 2014):
 Hello,
You need to learn that its never a good idea to get involved with married men who you work with. Never. Especially if they are a lot older than you. You also need to appreciate that in most work places there is at least one guy of middle age who has a reputation for chasing any young bit of skirt he can get.
He is either still with his wife and claiming not to be to get you into bed or he is separating at on the rebound. Even if he committed to you his wife, or ex wife, isn't going to vanish into thin air is she? Neither will he realistically leave his wife for you, despite many men his age claiming they will to a younger woman.
You loneliness has clouded your judgment. He is probably a middle aged man going though a classic mid life crisis - flirting with a younger woman to boost his ego and show the world he has "still got it". If he was separated from his wife then why would he act so defensive and moody when others questioned your visits with him? He wants you to be his eye candy and respond to his flirts, but doesn't want his wife to know.
He is 48 and getting jealous and throwing a tantrum? Maybe he is latching on to you as he is so immature that women his own age don't have time for his antics?
You are being manipulated and used by this guy, and possibly earning a reputation for yourself as someone who chased married older men. Find someone else is my advice.
Mark
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (15 June 2014):
 YouWish has given excellent advice. When I first read this, I immediately thought that this would not make for a good relationship.
For a moment, pretend there is no wife. You do not want someone as jealous or immature as him. You were going on a date and he changed into an angry, jealous person? You think, in a relationship, that would get any better?
Seems there is a good reason he is separated from his wife (if that really is the case)
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 June 2014):
 This 48 year old guy is really really bad news, and you will mess up your life if you keep pursuing him. I read everything in your post twice, and this is the sentence that matters above all others:
"He will tell my friend he is now separated but then at times this changes"
Separated from his WIFE? And this changes? Put the age aside, his immature jealousy, his moodiness, and he's a MARRIED MAN. You do not date married men. Dating him is cheating. Do not touch him with a 10 foot pole unless his divorce is finalized. Otherwise, you will be a mistress, a paramour, an "other woman", or less kindly, "some hot young strange on the side".
Let's say he *is* separated, which I don't for a minute believe, but if he is, know that the point of a separation is to either work at a marriage reconciliation, or to take steps to negotiate the end of a marriage. A separation ISN'T to start seeing other people, because all too often, the baggage fragments things and the mistress is the one who suffers.
Stop everything with this guy or you will get hurt. And not just a little hurt, REALLY hurt. You are an accessory like a purse or a shiny watch for his ego, because a 48 year old married man cavorting around with a 24 year old "newer model" is for ego and a trophy. A married or separated man can make no promises, hence no real relationship, especially if he has kids.
Run away from this now while you still can.
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