A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, i met a guy on holiday in May and we have been in contact since. I am Irish and he is from the uk. I went to visit him and we got along good. I like him and he likes me. My problem is, because this is a long distance thing that's goin on..i am not sure if i am wasting my time. He has said that he's not interested in meeting any other girls since he met me. I haven't met anybody else either. You never really know someone unless you have spent some real proper time with them. The thing is, I'm 31 now and I would really like a relationship and to settle down. What if i am wasting my time on him when i could be looking for mister right. Wat if he is mister right and i just dont know it yet. Its a big risk to be putting my life on hold for him when we may never work out. I feel like I'm running out if time if i want to have kids. I don't know how i should proceed. Please help??
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male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (15 June 2014):
 If you want to settled down and start a family in the near future, don't waste time on someone who lives in another country. It would take a lot of time going back and forth to Ireland, and him coming to you, to get to know each enough to decide if you have a long term future together, let alone starting a family, far longer than it would take with someone local. Then, if you were to want to start a family with this guy and settle down with him, then one of you has to face moving away from friends and family to be with the other first. That's a big upheaval and a big commitment to make. Its one thing saying you can do it, another living the reality of it. Finding yourself with a husband or wife, a baby and all that that entails when you are away from the life you know and people you are close to is very difficult. Visiting another country when you are new to it, excited to see someone and so on is one thing, when that becomes routine it can quickly drain your will, your finances and, in the kindest possible sense, your patience.
Holiday romances rarely last. You met him on holiday in May and have been in touch since then, but that's not the same as real life. Seeing someone on a trip or visit after the holiday is not the same as being in their company for any length of time when they are down, stressed, got a lot on their plate or fitting you around everything else. There is also a big difference in culture between the English and Irish, it can be fun to be in that different environment temporarily, when its new and exciting, but very different for one of you to actually live with that.
He says he is not interested in other girls, but how do you know that's true? Have you met his friend and family? If so what were they like? Did you get on with them? Is he of similar age to you?
I think you need to be realistic about finding "Mr Right" or "The One". As Youwish says, in real life they don't exist.
Many people like the idea of falling for that one special person they are meant to be with and going through thick and thin to be with them, like in a fairy-tale or movie...but that's not how it works in reality. Our personalities are fluid, our situation constantly changing and our fears, needs, expectations and ambitions alter so much, especially in the first few years of adulthood. A person who is absolutely right for us now, may be less so in the future, likewise, a person who we wouldn't have dated a few years back, may now be more compatible. Don't get too hung up on finding "Mr Right" as any relationship is a compromise, we never meet someone who doesn't have faults and most of us fall in love many times throughout our lives.
I would move on and find someone local. Your 31 and want to start a family, its too much of a risk to try and make it work with this Irish guy when the chances are it wont work out.
Mark
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 June 2014):
 In my opinion, there's no such person as Mister Right. There's no such person as The One either, because all of that implies that there's only one person ever in the world you'll fall in love with.
If you want a family and kids and you connect emotionally with this guy, in the "Get to know you" process of dating and relationships, it's best to ask those questions early about his goals. But keep in mind, if he gives you the wrong answers such as he's not serious, he never wants kids, or something like that, then it's best to cut your losses early.
Love is always a risk, but the real risk is to not ask those kinds of questions, and it's an even bigger risk to ignore the answers hoping he'll change his mind.
Just go into it with your eyes open and don't be afraid to change direction if he's not the one. You have time. Don't get desperate, because desperation makes someone make very bad decisions.
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