A
female
age
,
*reywise
writes:i have been with my husband 23 years and married for 18 years, in the past ten years he has had three affairs and he has always come back to me, but this last one has really got to me. he has been staying at his mums as she has mental health issues and his dad died a year ago and she cannot cope on her own. basically we were left to get on with life on our own for nearly two years. during this time he had affair no. 3 because he was not working he could visit her when he wanted and i knew nothing. but she got very nasty after 15 months of him promising her the world but not delivering she decided to attack me by either text messages or phone calls telling me all the awful details, all the lies he told me she imformed me every detail of their sex life, all the presents he had bought her, and even his private mobile phone. i have caught him coming out of her house at 6 in the morning. i have been insulted so bad that i could have gone to the police but didnt. i tried to be adult about it, she has a drink problem which led to her trying detox and her child going into care. all i have done over the years is love and support my husband, one minute im his world then the next he hates me. i try not to be clingy and paranoid but it is so hard. what have i done so wrong for him to do this to me and for her to keep attacking me?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 As usual I agree with Satindesire.
What is the whole "Martyr-wife" thing you are putting yourself though? You can walk away, you can start over, you can be happy.. It's about choices and action.
He keeps cheating because you "assume" the doormat position. You are not MAKING him cheat, you are just making it real easy for him.
Come on, Honey.. Don't you deserve better?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): No fight left in you any more? What is this learned helplessness? You can do what ever you think needs to be done. Ask for help from an attorney or family to support you through this.
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A
female
reader, greywise +, writes (4 August 2009):
greywise is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the replies you have all said the same but i wish i was strong enough i have no fight left in me anymore
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A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (31 July 2009):
 You've done everything except take his lying, cheating, lazy, cheap, no count behind to Divorce Court!
I can't tell from your post who assulted you, him or her but whoever it was, you take them to court too. Criminal Court for assult and battery, mental anguish, and whatever else you can think of.
Then you get on with your life without him in it. You'll be a happier woman for it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 July 2009):
I second what Satindesire said:
Time for divorce.. WHY would you want a man that treats you like crap? No matter how good of a person you are, how much you do for him, how much you LOVE him, he will not stop doing what he is doing. WHY? Because he can. He has you as a doormat for when an afar doesn't work out or he stay with his mother.
Divorce him, that way the nasty skank can have him and leave you alone, and YOU... can move on.
You said he isn't working, so I'm guessing he isn't helping you financially either, so really if he doesn't even do that for you why hang on to him?
PS, Honey. This is NOT your fault. He makes the choice to cheat. You however enable him by sticking by him. So don't take the blame for him being an ass. That is ON HIM.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): His cheating is not your fault, he is a cheater, that is who he chooses to be.
I don't understand why you would keep supporting and loving your husband after he repeatedly cheats and lies and covers up and hurts you.
Get a spine and file for divorce and get what is yours and kick him to the curb. He isn't going to change, he doesn't want too. He is being abusive to you turning his feelings on and off like that, he is just using you and manipulating you.
Don't you think you would be happier on your own, not financially supporting his butt and putting up with this BS? You would be, and then in time you might meet a man who actually wants to be with you and treat you like a queen.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): helloIm a guy and way younger.... just get rid of him.. He obviously doesn't want to be in a loving, intimate relationship and just wants sex with new people. I mean most men go through a phase i reckon on this... which decides what type of man they are to become ..... im afraid yours likes it this way...I mean who knows maybe if you get rid of him you'll find a man who wants a nice relationship and will treat you well
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 July 2009):
 You haven't done everything. You haven't dumped him.
Basically you are asking. Why is this guy that keeps braking the law, who keeps being supported by society and never ever has to face the consequences of his action, not changing?
Why shouldn't he? He gets other women to play with and a warm home to return to whenever he is tired of them.
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