A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. So I've been going out with my boyfriend for just a little over 10 months now. We have had two major problems throughout our relationship, otherwise everything has been great. In about the third month of our relationship he started to talking to his old high school friend on facebook, a lot. She would flirt with him and write messages showing how bad she wants to see him and she would call him names like "boo" etc and he would comment her back with names such as "sweet pea." They were flirting extremely hardcore until I stepped in. The first time I said something, I asked are you commenting her back too? He said Yes. Then I asked do you call her names? He said No. After I asked to see the comments he opened up and said he calls her sweet pea. So, I said alright stop calling her names back but you can still talk to her [because he said theyve been friends since highschool etc.] So she kept commenting, but not as much. Then about 3 weeks later, I couldnt trust him and I had alot of doubts. I kept thinking that they were messaging eacchother. So one day I asked to see his inbox, and he opened it, and it was completely empty. He erased his whole inbox. Why? After alot of yelling, he finally told me. He said its Because he didnt want me to messages hes been sending her. He told me he asked her for her number more than 3 times and she never messaged him back. Its weird because she always wrote on his wall about how bad she wants to see him, so when he would ask for her number she wouldnt give it to him?? That still doesnt make sense to me, i feel like he may not have gave me all of the details. Anyways, then I broke up with him for a day or two, then got back with him but told him to delete her off his facebook and we can move past this. He did and supposedly they never talked again. She requested him in about a month, but he rejected her. About two weeks ago (now its been almost 11months) i told him that i've been talking to my ex on skype who still likes me (a guy he doesnt really like me talking to.) We talked for almost three hours, and our conversations got really deep. He asked me questions about what I do with him if we were to be alone, etc and I was responding back going along with the conversation. Hes in another state, but we said we would visit eachother this year and we would do sexual things with eachother without telling our girlfriend/boyfriend. Basically, I was wrong for all of that and I only did it because I was trying to get back at my boyfriend for what happened a long time ago with that other girl. So, I told my boyfriend and he yelled about it, and then told me to get rid of all my connections with him. I said no, because I said that hes my really good friend and has always been there for me, and this sexual talk was just a one time thing that will never happen again. So he actually said okay, and said he would still stay with me. Then, two days ago, I was looking at his friends on facebook and I find that same girl from the problem we had earlier in our relationship in his friends list. I call him immediately and ask him about it, he said that he requested her because I wouldnt get rid of the ex. At this point, I am really confused. He said they didnt talk at all, shes just on his friends list. Why would he specifically get back at me with this girl that has caused us so many problems in our relationship? I have so many doubts. I feel like he sent her messages again. She was on his friends list for more than week so they couldve easily been messaging and chatting eachother. I dont know, Im so confused!!! I cussed him out about it and then eventually I got back with him. But he had to delete her, block her and give me his facebook password. I found no messages that he sent to her, but he could have easily deleted them. Im currently with him right now, but I have so many doubts and I just feel like maybe I should just leave him again, for good. I feel like we're just going to keep going in circles. All relationships have issues, but I dont want to feel like if I do something wrong then hes going to go right to her. Should I stay or no?
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broke up, facebook, flirt, my ex, revenge Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): Followup:I never got to see the messages he sent to her because he deleted them, so I was always thinking that some thing may have happened between the two that I wouldnt know about. So I was only trying to make things even with my boyfriend. After I did that, I felt much better and was finally able to stop thinking about what he may have done with the girl early on in our relationship.Yes, I did cut off all contact with my ex. Im completely done now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): I think the most basic thing for a relationship is trust..and apparently you both don't seem to have that. or maybe one or both of you just like the attention fromt the opposite sex? talk to him..this circle of revenge as you put it really isn't healthy. do note that you might have to promise to cut off contact with your ex as well in order to placate your boyfriend..it's only fair.
and in the first place if you're truly in love with your bf, why talk about sexual things with your ex that you would do if your bf wasn't around?
maybe the real issue is whether you love your bf or not..in any case good luck and all the best, hope you guys manage to work things out.
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