A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've decided to divorce my husband. It's definately not an easy decision to come to, but I know that it will never work between him and me. I was just wondering if anyone who has gone through a divorce has any advice to give about the whole thing. Are there any tricks to make it any easier? What are the first priorities I should address? I know my question is a bit vague, but I was just looking for advice and support from people who have been through a divorce knowing it was the better thing to do. Thank you for reading!
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): I suggest reading up from books and the internet about all the practicalities because emotions can run high and you should know all the facts. As for the emotional side I think you've done the hardest bit in making a decision. However ensure you have a strong support network from family and friends.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 October 2007):
 That is the problem with a vague question, it leaves out important details making it difficult to give specific answers. What is the reason for the divorce and the history of the marriage. I'm assuming by your age you were not married long.
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (24 October 2007):
 You didn't mention children. I'd say if you have them that is your first priority. Next is finances. Next is property division.
I just went through a divorce after 22 years of marriage. I had been down the path after 10 years and after 15. Both times my spouse begged me to stay and since we had a child, I agreed. I'd say you should be prepared for this kind of manipulation.
This time I looked on line for divorce handbooks and planned everything out before I told my ex what I wanted. I needed the time to be solid in my stance so that I would not back down. I wont lie to you, there were times when I knew he was trying to make me feel guilty. The hardest time was the time between when I told him and when he moved out, about 45 days. He would be angry or crying, etc and it was emotionally hard on me. If you don't have a house you want to hang onto, I'd have an exit plan so you don't have to go through that time.
You are young so I am assuming your marriage wasn't that long. The equitable split of finances should be relatively easy. In the US, you get to hang onto anything you came into the marriage with, any inheritances, individual gifts, etc. Any income earned during the marriage is split 50/50 for most US states. I did NOT have a lawyer for my divorce but we both agreed on the property, finance and child arrangement. We had a para-legal type the documentation up and filed with the courts. Went to court hearing and it was over!
The last thing I will say to you is that if you are certain this marriage is over, go forward in confidence and know you will be pulled in many directions including, "am I doing the right thing". You can not 2nd guess your feelings and believe me if your spouse doesn't want the divorce, I can assure you he will guilt you, anger you and try to manipulate your feelings. You have to be somewhat robotic and maintain your course. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): I don't know how the law works on this issue in the US, but I've gone through two of them The first was acrimonious, the second less so.
In divorce #1 because of all the arguing about finances etc, the only real beneficiaries were the lawyers.
In divorce #2 we agreed everything before going to court or involving lawyers and we kept most of our cash and other assets, which were divided in an amicable way.
It's never easy, but you can make it easier by doing things in a civilised fashion and keeping stress levels to a minimum.
Phil
...............................
|
