A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:naturally i am not the most trusting person however recently my gf has started doing some things which seem to me to just be plain suspicious. she is never without her phone and will never allow me to see it and a few times i have caught her on the phone and as soon as she sees me enter a room she will hang up. she might be texting someone and if i try look she will simply exit the text. she will often go to do some task in the house and return after i know she has been on the phone for the entire time and make other excuses. i know for a fact that she has lied to me about phone calls because as i became more paranoid i taped some of her conversations. they were innocent enough conversations from what i could gather but its the fact that she lied to me which drives me nuts. i have confronted her and she continues with these behaviours what should i do
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust the clarify for everyone i only taped the conversations about a month after she started acting that way with her phone and when i confronted her i did so in a completely calm manner and she didnt open up at all she just got very angry with me. i talked with her again last night a lot of things came out. she has some issues in regard to an eating disorder and horrible self esteem and tells me that its because she is scared of losing me and honestly believes that she doesnt deserve me. which is completely crazy seeing as she is an amazing person but she cant see that. so she is trying to push me away, not spending as much time with me even though we live together she will find other things to do in the house or just ask for some private time and then there is the stuff with the phone. opinions on the recent development??
A
male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 - If she makes you uncomfortable and you don't trust and believe in her then you're on the wrong track
- She's playing silly games and doesn't seem to trust your judgement either - if it's not something more serious! it also looks like she's on the wrong track
I suggest you two take a break. I'm guessing a break-up is too hard and maybe premature.
Note that I'm somehow pessimist and fatalist here. Maybe for some reason both of you will realize what is happening and get back on the right track? I can't tell for sure.
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A
female
reader, Claraw1 +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Firstly you should not be taping her conversations, it's wrong no matter whether or not your suspicious of her. It is an invasion of privacy and could be a crime. That being said,it does sound extremely suspicious that she is being so secretive. You obviously don't trust her, and that is not good either. You say you confronted her about it, which suggests that you didn't simply talk to her calmly about it, which would have been a good way to deal with the situation. Try talking to her calmly again, asking why she is doing this. There may be an innocent reason behind it, and if so she may open up about it. I had a friend who was going through some things and would ring to confide in me, and I would act that way when she called simply because it was her personal business and not mine to share with my boyfriend, but I explained this to my boyfriend. I do think it is suspicious behaviour though, especially without any form of explanation on her part. If not and you can't trust her it may be time to call it quits on this relationship. I hope it works out for you though.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 IF this is new behavior then yes you have every reason to have your guard up... she's keeping a secret of some sort from you. Of course it could be perfectly innocent.
The fact that you spy on her and "tape her converstaions" is disconcerting to me. If you did this before she started being secretive about her calls and texts her being private makes more sense to me.
IF you can't trust her (and it sounds like you don't trust her) why stay with her?
Trust and honesty are the two most important things in a relationship.... if you don't have that what do you have?
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