A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm at a really confusing and kinda boring stage in my life and I need some advice. I'm almost 18, and of course any young 18 year old to be should feel young and free and all of that jazz, but the thing is I feel like all of my youth has just floated away, and I know that is like a really crazy thing to say when i'm not even an adult yet. Ever since the age of 15 I kinda spent the next two or so years trying to figure out where I wanted to go in life, and I kinda thought i'd figured it out but I really haven't. My ultimate aim in life was pretty much to just be happy, but i've now got to the point where I don't really have any goals or aims in life and i'm at a cross roads as to where to go. I've always been academically successful, i've managed to pull A's, A*'s and C's, so that was always a massive drive for me. However college was awful, highschool was bad for me too but I still had a passion there which was Health and Social Care, (i'm very passionate when it comes to helping others and mental health), in college however I was discriminated against due to having a mental health problem and low attendance, however I was still achieving high grades but the college just would not make any exceptions for me which was horrible and it made me feel like a failure, so I left. I then kinda tried to focus on maybe having a relationship as it has been over a year now since I was even attracted to someone, but that didn't work either. It seemed when I was a young pretty 16 year old that I was getting male attention from every corner, but now I get none, no one is interested me in anyway shape or form, I know i'm not ugly, I have put on weight since back then but I know that you can be sexy and attractive no matter what you look like or your body shape but I haven't even managed to master that bit :L I did go on a dating site for a while, and I did meet some really lovely guys there but when we started to get close I just could not do it. I'm a very free person and the only 2 relationships i've ever had were terrible, and as soon as somebody wanted to get close to me I felt like I was being suffocated so I couldn't do it. I then realized that a relationship wasn't for me either. Now I think about it the only thing I miss when it comes to being with someone is sex, and I can't even get any of that. It would be nice too if someone could just say every once in a while when I make an effort that they think i'm pretty or beautiful but it just doesn't happen. I then tried to focus on different things, like getting fit, losing a few stone, it went well for about two weeks and then I just thought about it and I didn't really have a major reason as to why I was trying to lose weight. The main reason was to attract someone, but as soon as I learnt I couldn't even handle a relationship I just gave up and thought what was the point :L Not to mention I didn't have enough confidence to go to a gym or go jogging so I just started eating healthy and walking and for me the weight loss wasn't happening quickly enough. I then tried to get a job, but I just met brick wall after brick wall so I gave up on that one, I then tried to just go out and party and be free and even though thats great its not a life time goal, and all the worries about the future would eventually come back. And now i'm here, I have no idea where to go with my life or what to do, I do want to go back to college and I feel ready to go back, but there is no way I am going back to the college I left and its become so late in the year that most colleges probably won't be able to take me on, i've left it to my support worker to try and arrange an appointment with a different college and i've heard nothing back from her, so there is a big chance I am not going to have anything to do for a whole year and I just don't know how to become happy, and what to focus on. And until I do find something to do, and something to focus on, and figure out some way to move forward in my life i'm going to constantly feel like nothing more than a bored, unattractive, college drop out. Can someone please shed some light on this or give me some advice or direction or anything? Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): Clicked too soon -.-
I disagree with the advice to get drunk, but agree with the less reckless, fun suggestions like dancing in the street (not the road :P ) and jumping in the sea.
Don't worry about a relationship; I've seen posts on here from you before, without anonymous on, I think. What would be best for you right now would be to give yourself time and allow yourself a break from trying to push things like relationships and your future goals.
College is difficult on it's own, but add mental health struggles and low attendance, they did what they had to do. They are a mental health course and it must have become clear that yours was causing you trouble and they knew it was not right for you to be there before learning to be in control of your mental health issues. It's not your fault you have them, but they made the right decision; you were putting too much pressure on yourself and couldn't keep up completely (aside from grades). They've given you the time to learn other ways to lessen the impact of your mental health difficulties and get your priorities in order without other major commitments. I went through it and my college didn't look out for me, so you need to look after yourself for a year and let things fall into place on their own! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): Take a year out, get a job (any job) and do voluntary work once a week at a place that interests you. In that time, you'll be able to learn more about yourself without forcing it.
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A
female
reader, millonbitsu +, writes (5 July 2014):
Hi I'm sorry you are stuck in a rut, it is very easy to feel that way no matter what your age is.However, a kind word of advice is I do think this is very much to do with your age. You're just eager to become an adult and become independent etc and it's hard to think of that when you don't know what to do, and this is possibly the first time you've felt this way, I mean when you're a kid you don't need to worry about the future too much! You need to focus your attention on just one thing, take complete ownership and work towards that. Don't be disheartened if things don't happen straight away and give up after a couple of weeks, and don't leave things to your support worker, your family, or expect things to just fall into place. You say you haven't heard back from her about your college app - pick up the phone and talk to her, chase her, politely ask if the college have replied, if not, ring the college, explain your situation, talk to people and sound like you are eager and motivated and they will do more for you.You've done well in your GCSE's, so I think the main thing is focussing on getting a job. This would take up your time, give you some money, and you'd have the experience and option to head back to college and finish your studies if you wished in the next school year.Get your CV up to scratch and apply to jobs with confidence. If you have no luck, keep tweaking your CV and trying again until you do. Write a personal cover letter explaining why you want THAT job (even if its just a job in a cafe or a shop to begin with) Also if you do have any interviews that you don't get the job, don't be afraid to pick up the phone and ask for feedback so you know what to work on for next time.I'm sorry you've not had the greatest time because of your mental health problems, but do not focus on the negatives, you are clearly smart, and if anything doing nothing and getting stuck in a rut will only make any existing mental health problems WORSE because you risk getting severely depressed or anxious.It's time to put that behind you. Once you've nailed the job, other things will fall into place. You'll probably find because you're more active with the job (or going into your local areas job-hunting often!) you'll get fit anyway. Loads of people don't have boyfriends or have sex before they're 18 so you're not missing out there. Sure it's fun to meet people, but it shouldn't be your priority, after all you'll meet the right person when the times right; and believe me so few people stay with their first boyfriends and don't meet Mr Right until they're in their 20s or 30s, me and my friends look back and CRINGE at who we dated and slept with when we were younger, wishing we hadn't wasted our youth on daft boys.The important thing is you have so much ahead of you and right now you are being a crybaby not knowing what you want, but just go for it and everything will happen eventually. Unfortunately unless you are lucky, you will continue to have this crisis again and again, because it's very easy to get stuck in a rut at any time in your life, but it's knowing how to make positive changes to get out of it that matters!I'm over ten years older than you, but even at the beginning of this year I hated my job, I didn't have a car, a relationship, I was a little out of shape. I wanted all of those things, and I decided I wasn't going to just sit back and hope things would change, I'd make them change. I had a few knock backs, but I didn't let it deter me until I landed my dream job. With the new job it was easy to afford a new car and then just perchance (probs because my confidence had improved and I felt really good) I met a lovely guy.Please keep positive and keep trying. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (5 July 2014):
 Hi,
You are only 16-17 and it may be that because you have always been academically successful once doesn't mean it is going to come easy. You may need a break. Take a year out to just not think about your long term career or life.
It's OK not to know what you want to do with your life, heck people take years swapping jobs etc only then to find out they were doing it for the wrong reasons and change career.
Relationships can sometimes be more stressful that anything else in your life, you are basically opening yourself up and letting someone in. It goes wrong sometimes and you will be burned or hurt, with all that pressure it's not surprising you are feeling lost.
Just enjoy being yourself and having free time, take a part time job something that gives you time to think of where you want to be. Go out, live a little, get drunk and do something silly. Dance in the street or jump in the sea.
Everything else will come later.
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