A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i been together, on and off, for 2 years and 3 months now. so recently, i had this feeling that something wasn't right. so i went on his facebook and seen that he blocked our relationship from 21 females. not 1 or 2 but 21. i was so devastated and hurt. i broke up with him and he beg me back so i took him back. now i just don't trust him at all and i just feel stupid because before i caught him cheating 4 times and he always want to play games with me and is disrespectful at times but i just can't find the courage to leave him for good. i love him a lot and want this to work but there has been a lot of issues we've been having. i need some advice quick. please
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): Look at it this way: The more times you allow him to get away with this, the more you are telling him it is okay. He knows he can have his cake and eat it too because you have done nothing to discourage him, he knows you will always be there. What incentive does he have to be faithful if he knows that even if you catch him he will get away with it?
At this rate, he will never stop. He is taking advantage of you. He obviously doesn't care enough about you or your feelings because he knows how much he hurts you and yet he keeps on doing it!
You need out of this relationship. If you stay in it, just know that he is going to continue to cheat on you and you are going to continue to be hurt and walked all over.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): Indeed leave, you are young enough to get a good life started! I would ask him to get help from a pyschiatrist who deals with addictive behaviour, if he has a job insist that he does it and finds a way to pay for it.
Tell him you will be his friend and not abandon him and that's all. But only if he goes cold turkey, no cheating no online use of Facebook.
As for you - go and look forward to your own life and start some hobbies to get your mind off all this for a few months.
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (1 June 2011):
 He won't change. Either you stay and continue to feel the way you do or you leave him. Sorry, but that's the truth. I've heard of people cheating once and feeling horrible and the relationship staying intact. But four times? He doesn't plan to stop. You have already expressed that this is ok behavior and he will do it again.
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A
female
reader, jdd +, writes (1 June 2011):
Please run. Please expect better for yourself. If you can't do that then prepare yourself for a life of what you have had and probably more. He does not respect you and he walks all over you because he can. He has had the opportunity to change his ways but instead he only repeats the same bad behavior and you keep "accepting" it. Trust me it does not get easier when you are married to a cheater or when he cheats on you when you are pregnant or after you have kids......and he will.
I know how it is --- he cheats or does whatever it is that is wrong and he feels "guilty" and "sorry" only when he is caught. That is not guilt. That is -- he got caught and now he has to fix it. he will say everything --- he will say all the right things, but what are his actions. Ignore his words and listen to his actions. OR listen to his words and really listen and compare to his actions --- then you will really see what a line of b.s. it is.
He just wants to have you around as a security blanket, while he chases his thrills. You deserve real love, not someone who hurts you over and over again. I am one for second chances, but after he hurts you once and sees how it affects you, he should do everything to make you feel secure and never ever hurt you that way again. --- We hate to see the ones we love hurting - right? Someone who made a mistake and is truly sorry would never put the one they "love" through that pain again. I don't think this guy loves you. I don't think it has anything to do with you and who you are --- he has problems - immature, insecure, narcissistic --- take your pic. You are not stupid. You are probably a loving person who wants to give the benefit of the doubt and believe in what he is saying --- but he has shown you over and over that you can't believe him. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
I know it is hard to believe that the man you love can be so manipulative and insincere --- it is a hard pill to swallow. But better to have 2 years and 3 months of wasted time than 2 years three months and 1 hour.
It will hurt, but soon it wont hurt anymore and you will be so much happier for having done it. And you will expect better for yourself.
Good luck --- please know you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): You know deep down that he's not going to change and he's never going to be the man you want him to be. It's not going to work, no matter how hard you try-because HE isn't trying at all. Plus, the longer you stay with him, the harder it will be for a really amazing guy to come into your life. You don't trust him, he doesn't really love you or treat you right, so why would you stay? Not having a boyfriend is not the end of the world, and you will be so much better off without him. Stop putting yourself through all this and just dump him for good.
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