A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm still in love with my childhood sweetheart and she said she is still in love with me and we have a child togeather but she is married to another man. I've been waiting for her to leave her husband to be with me for 15 years. What should I do. Should I confront her znd ask her to leave him or should I let go. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (2 May 2012):
15 years is too much time wasted on waiting for a person. If she really loved you she'd leave him. But she doesn't. Look at actions, OP. Not words. Her actions show she is not ready to leave him and despite what she may say about him, she never will. You're just handy to be around because you're a doormat and let people take advantage of you.
So cut her loose. Cut all contact, get some counseling and put yourself out there for worthy women who aren straight forward and honest. If you're struggling letting go, ask yourself if you're ready to put up with more years of this shit. Do you want to be 40 and still be stuck in the same place?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): Oh wow... you have listened to her sob stories, her problems, her supposed love of you for 15 years? I am sorry to say that this is not love. This is her choosing her own needs over anyone elses. If she truely loved her husband, she would not cheat. If she truely loved you, she would have left her husband. She has both of you for different reasons, but love does not do this. Love is committed, totally, emotionally and physically. None of this wishy washy stuff can be considered love. She loves herself more than you, more than her hubby, more than her children. Because if she loved any one of them more than herself, she would not play both sides of the coin for her own benefit. And that is precisely what she is doing.I think people who do that really are insecure with who they are and what they want. And they are afraid to decide because they don't want the responsibility if the decision turns out wrong. So, they just try to ride the fence instead. No committments, no responsibility to another human soul, no having to face yourself in the mirror each day. They rationalize things away to prove themselves right. But really, they are fools who set traps for people like you who were too trusting, too naive, or too afraid to confront her on her behavior.It will be very hard, but tell her she has to decide. Give her the deadline. Like in two weeks. And see what she does. I bet she will stay with hubby. Because it is easier than having to face the truth of herself, and the sham of a marraige she created. Personally, I think you would not want a wife or woman like that as a life partner. A distraction yes, but you would never be able to trust her because you have seen she is capable of doing this to TWO men.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): Thank you all for your advice it has helped me and given me perspective. And you are all right about me needing counciling. Cause frankly it has mad me bitter and angry at the world. I waited 15 years and havnt been with any body since her. I really feel life has left me behind. But I can't blame the world. Just my self for being so stupid. I will seek a councilor and I will try to forget and move on. I want to reclaim my life and live I'm 36 and not getting any younger. And don't want to waist another 15 years on a dream that won't come true. I truly thank you all. I hope you all have a wonderfully life filled with joy happiness and love. I will try and take your advice. I want to live life a happy man
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): She needs to make a final decision - you or him. But she wont choose if she doesn't have to and can keep delaying. And you sticking around is allowing her not to have to choose. So you should give her an ultimatum but realize that if push comes to shove she may choose her husband (and beg you to wait longer) so you need to be ready to leave her permanently as well if push comes to shove.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): Hi. Words are cheap its actions that count and for 15 years her choice of action has been to be live with and love someone else.
I think she is keeping you as a back up plan, she probably enjoys the attention from you AND has very successfully secured you against the `hindrance` of a marriage and children with another woman. While you wait....and wait!
In the meantime, she gets the warm fuzzy feeling that you are still available if the marriage doesnt work which must be nice for her ego! AND more importantly, shes making sure you remain unfettered and dedicated ONLY to your/her child. I think you are being played because she is getting a lot out of this, while your life must feel pretty empty.
I would also suggest some therapy to help you move on. Not because you are crazy but because someone has had you on a string for many years and that`s a long time, you might need some help to recover from that. I would definitely try to move on now, she probably wont like it and become jealous but them`s the breaks! She has had her cake and eaten it for way too long.
To be frank, I feel very sorry for her husband. I think she would have a major back pedal and reveal her true colors about you PDQ if her husband knew shes been whispering sweet nothings in your ear for years just to block you from moving on. Not nice of her.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 May 2012):
 You've wasted 15 years, and if you don't move on with your life, you'll waste 15 more. Then you've blown 30 years of a life that you only have one chance to live. Go and live your life, for crying out loud!! And don't even consider being with her unless the divorce papers are filled and filed - not a second before or you'll be her backup for the rest of your life.
Professional help is a great idea. It doesn't mean you're crazy or anything, it is just an excellent method to get some clarity on your situation and strength to change it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Hi
So there she is, married, getting on with her life with her husband - daily routine,holidays together, family do's together, having sex doing the weekly shop, choosing furniture blah blah Thats not her in love with you its her in love with her husband.
15 years you have just waited around for her while she LIVED her life. 15 years you will never get back
Do not waste another minute waiting, start living. But seek some sort of help to get you over this obsession with her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): I was in your situation for 10 years (though without a child). I bitterly regret waiting for a man who never left his wife despite telling me how much he loved me, wanted me etc etc. If she wanted YOU she would have left. Fact is she likes the attention you give her. My advice is to stop all contact - this will make her make her mind up. You have to be strong to do this but what on earth are the alternatives? You really can't go on like this?! At the moment she is taking you for granted and controlling your life. Get your life back.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Fifteen years of your life down the gurgler, glug, glug, glug.
Its time you faced facts, if this woman was in love with you she would not still be married to another man.
I would recommend strongly that you get some professional counselling before you even consider looking for another relationship, waiting around for all that time has probably screwed with your thought processes and you may need to develop some strategies to get out and about in the REAL world and PROGRESS with your life instead of stagnating waiting for something that may never happen.
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