A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:I've been very good to my boyfriend from day one. I have the ability to anticipate his needs or actions to a fault. He told me to ask him for what I want in the relationship. I don't need much, but the few times I have asked, he hasn't followed through. It's not like he's busy either. He's often at home. Alone. Watching Netflix (that I'm also paying for). I visit him any chance I get. I often take him lunch. And today, I brought a meal to his home and we had a nice couple of hours before he had to work. But he never kissed me (he never kisses me hello in general anymore) or said thank you. As we left his house he asked me to take him in to work (then I would be sacrificing my sleep tonight which I have already done on many occassions). I said no this time. We got into our cars and he waved and said "bye" but still didn't kiss me. What is with him? At the least, I shouldn't have to ask for a kiss hello or goodbye! He's not a "typical" guy, but I know he knows what to do with a girl. And don't get me wrong, I like to do things for him. But the lack of appreciation or investement on his end is getting old. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): he's lazy, selfish, taking you for granted. maybe all. but you're helping him to take you for granted. it's great to treat your loved ones well. but they should reciprocate at least a bit. An ongoing relationship between two people is different from a 'good samaritan' situation where you do something good for someone and expect nothing in return. That's a one time good deed thing. That's not a long term relationship. if someone doesn't reciprocate when you're treating them well, you shouldn't keep doing it. this doesn't mean you have to start treating them badly or anything. You should simply mirror what they are doing that's all. no more, no less.
I realize this is not a recipe for increasing the closeness in your relationship if now both people are not putting in effort. but I think that increasing closeness is already out of the question because he's so non-invested even when you are doing all these things for him. you're doing all you can that's in your power to bring you two closer and it's not working. so now you have to change your goal and instead minimize your feelings of hurt, and to do this you should stop this situation where you give and give and get nothing in return, by not giving so much from now on. it's like if you invested $1000 and lost it all, you feel a lot worse than if you had only invested $1. So it's time to stop investing $1000 and only give $1 because that's all he's putting in.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 October 2011):
 Honey he's using you for food, sex if you are having sex, netflix and transportation. He's not invested in you nor is he clearly willing to give back to you what you give him.
STOP rowing this relationship boat (i.e. stop doing for him) and see what happens... I'm betting NOTHING happens.
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A
female
reader, Rawrsie +, writes (19 October 2011):
 This guy sounds like he's just using you. In your information you often stated things YOU did for him. Never once did you mention on what this guy does for you. He watches your Netflix (that you paid for), you Take him out to lunch (I'm guessing you also pay),and you visit him frequently (he apparently doesn't often?). He's not thankful for the things you do for him. Dump him and find a better man that returns your kisses and hugs. Unless your boyfriend does something out of the ordinary (valentines,christmas,etc.) WITHOUT you reminding him, he might still have a chance with you. He doesn't deserve you though.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (19 October 2011):
well unfortunately if someone isn't invested in a relationship you can't really make them be more invested.
does he know how disappointed and resentful you are? If not, I think you should let him know how you feel, not by acting out or behaving in a resentful way (that doesn't lead to anything productive because that is not communication), but by telling him honestly and in as neutral a way as possible. Start by asking him how he sees the relationship and what his take is on those specific issues that disappointed you (which you mentioned in this post). It could be that he is invested as well, just that to him that translates to different behaviors from what you're expecting. Then tell him your perspective, and be as specific as you can with examples rather than making general statements. The point is to communicate information to him, not to invoke guilt or negative feelings.
And if he's not on the same page with you about his level of involvement in this relationship, you can only know by talking with him about how he sees the general situation.
You also should probably cut back on all the things you're doing for him , at least for the time being, not to punish him but simply because the lack of reciprocation is making you feel hurt and resentful so it could be detrimental to the relationship if you keep doing these things for him by emphasizing the imbalance.
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