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female
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*brokenheart
writes: I have a question and I hope I do not bother with this, but I can't really talk to my friends about it. I have been dating a guy for almost 2 years, the first year he was in L.A. we were seeing each other on and off, then he moved to oceanside. Almost 2hours. He invited me of course the first time, I went, since he was new with job etc. He is been there for more 1year now and i have visited him almost 6 times. The problem is I dont go to often because each time I invite him to L.A. he says he is tired, no place in my studio, is small,has to much too drive, etc. but he doesnt understand that it's difficult for me too. He expects me to be more agressive and tells me in U.S. American women call often and kind of pursue the guy? (I'm originally from europe) And besides this I have a better place where you can stay. Last time we had an discussion about this.I offered to meet halfway, he said he has to pack, to drive, and when I sad I have to go the same he told me kind of joking that I should be used to it meanwhile. It hurt me, but for him maybe was a joke? He's trying to avoid discussion on the phone and asked me last time: So you wanna come or think about it? I was shocked but replied: well, i would like to see you. I attempt the trip,I was angry but wanted to talk again about this, then I realized that I forgot my credit card and couldn't purchase my ticket. So I came back home the same day from the train station. Was this a sign? I told him, that I forgot belongings and couldnt make the trip, he said can you take the next train, or next day? I told him we can get together another time. So, I didnt hear from him, and he probably wants that I call, or maybe he didn't buy the story, but it made me think and I feel that I'm making more effort and it is not balanced 50/50. Am I wrong? am I not agressive enough, do I think wrong? I really need your advice before I make a decision to maybe break this up.I need some advice also from mens point of view!Does he have feelings for me or not?Please, I really need to have your thoughts for this. Thanks a lot. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abrokenheart +, writes (17 July 2006):
Abrokenheart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello to all who replied to my question. I was thinking the same but unfortunatley when you like someone a lot and this person gives you hope when you're together, you think maybe he needs more time, maybe this, maybe that....The logic and mind says soemthing else and when you listen to your heart it says somthing else, there constantly fighting. I wanted to be sure and have other opinions, and I guess forgetting my belonging was maybe a sign that he didn't deserve me after all what he had to say.I'm patient and try to compromise but I'm a women and I have my proud and dignity. I wanted to THANK ALL OF YOU that you have taken the time and read and answered me, it helped be to be sure, what I'm thinking is the reality.I will be unhappy for the long run if he will never be able to compromise anything for me, how it can work?I really like this webportal and I will recommend it to my friends as well. Thanks again!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2006): Hun, I am in agreement with the good advice given to you. I'd like to add, that in relationships it is important to be 'equally' giving, for both people in that situation. I have said this before, when a man wants to be with a woman, he will move mountains to get to her. He's not doing that. It really does sound like he's not caring for you like you deserve, So..it is silly to be giving when the givingness you offer is constantly being unappreciated and not reciprocated. Don't tolerate such laziness and foolishness from him. Your feelings do not matter to him. When he's comfortable disregarding you and your feelings for his own needs and wants...what does that tell you about him? So if someone is constantly doing this to you, you have to save your dignity and simply sever the ties.
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female
reader, Granny +, writes (16 July 2006):
 Sorry, lovely girl, but I believe you are being used. It must hurt a lot. Tell him you cannot make the journey and ask if he can come to you. I think you know the answer already, and I feel for you. Make up a reason. If he cannot make the effort to come to you, at least once, then he is taking advantage of you. Send him a challenge to come to you. Then you will know how much he really cares for you.
I speak from experience. My bf lives in another country and we share the travelling. It can work if both want it. Make sure he wants it as much as you. If not, however much it hurts, say goodbye, because he does not care enough and you deserve more.
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male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (16 July 2006):
 He sounds pretty lazy. Either lazy or not too bothered. Try telling him that maybe american are more aggressive but then you're not american! He's expecting too much and isn't really putting in enough effort.
How much longer can you take this? If he stays in wherever he is for another year or 2, are you willing to go through all the trouble each and every time?
Being able to spend time with you should make up for his inconvenience.
In my opinion, I dont think he cares for you enough. Why should you be pursuing him so much? Sounds like a little ego trip for him or something. Go with your instincts, if he's that stubborn on something like this, who knows what else he'll refuse to compromise on.
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