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female
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*mm
writes: I am in a relationship with someone for almost a year. He never really did anything to make me believe he has cheated on me although i can act paranoid about it and believe he is.I have gotten nosy and looked through his cell to see who he is calling and i think he even knows this now.I have also given him a hard time about him speaking to an ex who he told me i have nothing to worry about.Also, i have guy friends calling me so in a way I feel like i am being a hypocrite.I asked him at one point are you sure there is nothing to worry about by you talking to her.Soon after I checked his phone and her name was gone and a mike was there.One time, we were in his car and he received a call and from the way he was speaking,I can tell he was talking to a girl and not a guy. He said to the person i am with my g/f so i thought that was a good sign.He told me it was his friend Mike. Eventually,curiosity got the best of me and i copied down mikes number. I called it and its a girl's voice mail. The next few days i was questioning him about would you ever do something like that and dont you think if someone did, it means they are cheating. He said no it means he may not want to be fighting everyime his cell rings.The next time i checked-the number is back under her name..his ex..i think he knew i figured out what he did and altered it back. In a way i feel he just didn't want me getting jealous over them talking and not wanting the same argument.I believe he isnt cheating but he still lied to me and i dont know what to do. I dont want to be naive but i hoping its because of him not wanting me to be jealous and not because they are talking too often or seeing one another. Need advice ASAP
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): Get over it hes not cheating. If you don't believe me, simply borrow a friends car and follow him around.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): I think deep down you know he is not cheating on you. You just need someone to help you confirm it to yourself. You sound like you have some insecurities and some trust issues. I can say that because I am insecure and have possibly destroyed a relationship over it. Don't let it happen to you. Give the guy a break. He loves you
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A
female
reader, engaged +, writes (11 January 2006):
I have almost the same problem but my fiance is not entering the numbers in his phone that he doesn't want me to see, he memorizes them. But b/c I have begun to snoop in his phone I know who they are by now. He sends text messages to who I think are girls, but their names are abbreviated so you can't tell. He constantly erases his call log and text messages now b/c I think he knows that I look. I think some guys need to feel wanted and that is what our guys are doing, and not necessarily cheating, but they are still wrong for lying and doing this behind our back. I can't tell you though if your boyfriend is cheating b/c my situation is very simialr and I don't know.
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A
female
reader, vivi +, writes (6 January 2006):
hun i think you should talk to her. adk her whats going on. and tell her you're not comfortable with her talking to him. and let her know where you stand she might not even know that it bothers you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): Hi hun,
Firstly, I'm the same with anything I do in a relationship, I'm HOPELESSLY PARANOID!!! It's a good thing. I would personally sit him down and TALK PROPERLY TO HIM about it, if he was anything like me, and a lot of guys are, he wouldn't take hints too well, don't beat about the bush, ask him outright what's going on and await his reaction and reply, failing that, one thing you could do is...
If you know he is activly seeing his ex in a "friends" kind of way, and he knows you know, ask if the three of you would like to go for a drink, or maybe even go out as a larger group to avoid his suspision on you. WATCH HOW HE ACTS TOWARDS HER, I'm sure i've no need to tell you what to look out for! If you see anything untoward, point it out, give a nudge or something just so he knows "I saw that" then you have amunition for some question time later.
Having said that...DON'T JUMP YOUR GUNS!!
If you're normally paranoid, it might just be paranoia!! When you're paranoid about a certain subject, you tend to notice that subject, in this case "his ex" much much more than anything else, especially if you're thinking about it all the time. In this case, chill out a bit, but keep your eye on him, don't let him know what YOU'RE up to or he'll obviously cover himself, he's more likely to "drop a clanger" to quote a good old phrase, if he feels safe, give him a false sense of security in so far as he doesn't know you're watching him.
Good luck hunny, I hope it all works out for the better!!
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