A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for a week now and things were going really well for about 4 days. But for some reason I've been really unlike myself for the past couple of days and I'm not sure why. It may have something to do with the fact that we've spent so much time together seeing each other every day. Or it may be because I have been single since October and have spent the past few months slutting around and having fun, and am having trouble settling into a relationship. Either way, things are going from bad to worse. I sent him an e-mail about half an hour ago apologising for my behaviour, saying I need space to work out what I'm doing and I will probably see him in a couple of days.He came online and I spoke to him over an instant messaging program, discussing what i'd said and he's really not communicating very well so I haven't a clue where I stand. I don't want to lose him because this relationship feels right, even though it's only been a week and we have very little in common.Advice please!!!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): You've known him for a week, and spent every day of that week together? That must be overwhelming and sounds like a touch of "burnout."I wonder about your comment that you have been "slutting around and having fun" for the last few months since ending a relationship in October. How do you feel about yourself with that kind of behavior??In any case, you can't POSSIBLY decide to "settle into" a relationship in such a short space of time! There's no way to know if the two of you are compatible - that only emerges over a period of two, three months or more - but the fact that you tell us you're not feeling like yourself; you told him you need some time away from him, is not surprising since you spent so much time with him in the beginning.Why not cut back to seeing him once a week for the next few weeks and see how it goes and how you feel? I would strongly recommend that you NOT have sex with him until you have been going out for a month - or longer - and are clearer about your feelings, as well as what he is looking for, of course. You may feel right this minute that he is "right" for you, but, believe me, such feelings can change in an instant!!What concerns me more is the fact that you say the two of you have very little in common. Are you referring to diffrent social activities that you don't share too much of, or do you mean your values, goals and general outlook on life is something where you don't "mesh"?If you are referring to not enjoying similar activities, well, while you need to have some things you can do together, its fine and healthy to not spend ALL your spare time doing the same things.On the other hand, if your outlook on life, ideas and basic values are very different, then that is much more serious.Think about it, and write again if you want more feedback.
A
female
reader, angelica111 +, writes (20 June 2007):
 Hi hun,Do you remmeber what you wrote in your last sentence? "We have very little in common".Also, you've only just got to know him yet! Give yourself some time and a little thinking, see each other a few times for a drink or an activity you (might) have in common.Don't rush things!! So young, and you already are running before walking!! Take your time!!!Yes, communication IS important, but a lot of men do not know how to speak about their feelings properly, you may have to be quite patient w/ him, then.Believe me, he'll be there for you if he is interested in you.Take care, :-)
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