A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi just thought of finding solution to my problem here .i am 25 years old girl and my husband is 31. I am confused. That my husband is gay or impotent because we are married for 8 months now and till today we have not had sex. He doesn'ttouch me even not kiss or hug me.he says.Ican have sex with any one if I want.because his organ does not hard .he says you can divorce me .should I tell all the situation to my parents but Iam afraid because I have 2 younger sister if I divorce him then who will marry with my sisters.but I can't live with my husband .he doesn'tlove me.Ineed your advice what Ido shoud Itell my parents.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 There's another problem too, I am not quite sure that you can file for divorce on the grounds of your husband's impotence . The Hindu marriage act , 1955, only accepts five specific reasons for filing for divorce ,and non-consummation of marriage is not expressely indicated among them. I guess perhaps it could go under " physical and mental abuse " , but go figure, it would be up to the judge anyway to accept or reject your petition. Impotence would be legal grounds for you to ask the ANNULLMENT of the wedding, - but I've got the feeling that would be even more complicated and socially scandalous.
Luckily, the marriage Act amendments of the 70's allow you and your husband to file JOINTLY if you both agree that you don't want to stay married. He would have to agree too, and since for him it may mean spending money ( the costs of divorce, some alimony for you , restitution of your dowry or of any property that you brought to the marriage but it's still in your name ...) he may not be in a terrible rush.
Anyway, even if you agree on filing for divorce, you can't do it before one year from your wedding day.Plus, not sure but I think you'd have to have been living apart for a certain period of time .
Moral- it's not a fast thing, and you and husband should have to be on the same page. That, regardless of your sisters's problem.
( If anybody wonders why the sisters would not get married if the OP divorces : India is not USA and the divorce rate is under 1%,- divorce there is still quite a big unsavoury deal ).
So yes, talk to your parents, and maybe have THEM talk to your husband to find out what he plans to do and if he is OK with giving each other your freedom back . And perhaps yes, it's better if your sisters get married before, if they are having arranged marriages.. well, your parents know they 'd better hurry up. I think they'll do all they can to help you, surely they don't want to see you forever miserable... and childless . If you get a divorce or annullment, you can remarry and have your own family, and I am sure your parents want that for you.
If you are Muslim... then I have written my post for nothing :) , because they don't go by the Hindu Marriage Act and can use a different law procedure. In this case, I can only give you my sympathy because I am sure that your path to freedom from this marriage will be even MORE uphill, even with the support of your parents.
Don't give up but- be patient. I wish you the best of luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): Yes, you should discuss this with your parents. Tell them your marriage has not been consummated and he has no interest in doing so. Don't suggest divorce to them, if they're traditional Indian parents then they're unlikely to like that option if you say it. But remind them that this isn't just a matter of sexual satisfaction or love but that they will have no grandchildren by this man because he doesn't want to give you any.
Tell them you'd stay even if it made you unhappy if it meant protecting your family and sisters but that not being able to raise a family with him and not having it consummated means staying is mad for the family.
Look it's not ideal but if it's important you stay married for your sisters, then maybe you can wait a while until they get married.
Talk to your parents and see what they say, be open minded here OP, hopefully they'll find a way of getting you out of this sooner rather than later, if it's best for the family that you stay in this marriage a bit longer then maybe that's best. I know plenty of women who may say you should what you want and to leave now etc. but if it's a matter of doing what's best for your family, your sisters, then as long as he's not abusive to you then it's something you can probably endure a little while longer.
If your parents you have to stay married with him forever, I doubt they will, but if they did then you could just put it to the side for a while and wait until your sisters have settled down and then approach them again.
OP do not look for another man while you're married, do not sleep with another guy and do not look for romance with another guy. The kind of guy who will sleep with a married woman is not one worthy of your love and really getting a reputation as a woman who cheated in her marriage would be a disaster for you. Do this the right way by you and your family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): From the information on your post, it seems you're in India, so I'm making the very general assumption that you might be in an arranged marriage? My apologies if I'm wrong.
If this is the case though, there's a strong possibility that he just doesn't feel anything for you. He may be gay, he may be impotent, but in the end, these things aren't your problem, but his.
You don't mention in your post how you feel about him - do you love him? Are you attracted to him? Do you want to have sex with him, or are you just bothered by the fact he doesn't seem to want to have sex with you?
Remember that no matter what anyone might say or think, you deserve to be happy, and you deserve fulfilment. If you're not happy then you shouldn't be in a loveless relationship - you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): May be has a dysfunction in that area? But anyway if he tells you to go have sex with someone else, that's not a very good sign. Why did he marry you anyway? Inthink you deffinitely should tell your parents. They want grandkids, they are not going to have any with this situation.
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