A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My problem is that my 25 year old boyfriend acts like a teenager at times. He is still very influenced by what his friends think, and because of that he often does things to fit in with them. He is often the drunkest guy on a night out because he thinks the 'far too drunk' stories are still impressive, and he has started getting stoned with them although he told me he was anti drug when we first met. He would never do things like go to the theatre with me because it's 'dorky' and he is too 'cool' for it. He genuinely thinks we will get laughed at for going! I get that it might not be his thing which would be fine, but the fact is its some sort of peer pressure that drives him a lot of the time. At the moment it's not too much of a problem because we are still quite casual, but I am concerned that he will never grow out of this. He is a lovely guy and treats me well, so should I leave him to get on with it and hope he's just taking a bit longer to grow up, or do I accept he is all the man he will ever be and cut my losses now? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): Hi it's the OP again :) Thanks again for all your responses, they have helped a lot. I think Cerberus is probably most accurate when he says it's just different lifestyle choices, although I do actually go out partying every Saturday night myself so it's not the partying I'm against it's the frequency of it. I just don't want to be out drunk/drinking from Thursday night to Sunday night every week. It's just a bit much for me, not to mention the fact I could never afford it. Maybe has to do with the fact I am a year older too. I'll have a serious think about what I want to do and take it from there. Thanks again all.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 December 2012):
 probably not... it may be that he doesn't like the theater so he uses his friends as an excuse... but that's not cool either.
maybe you two are just in different places in your lives or maybe he's as mature as he's going to get.
I know I've not changed all that much since my early 20s and I'm in my 50s now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): I have a friend who is 32 and still hasn't grown out of the need to party every weekend, he's been doing it since he was a teenager too. Just his way of unwinding, it's weekends only really and when the weekend comes he likes to go nuts.
OP it seems you're at different stages in your life, I didn't stop my 'every weekend getting wasted' stage until I was 28, you seem to have done it sooner or maybe just never really ha a weekend warrior stage.
It actually sounds like your guy takes care of his business, works, is living independently and is pretty responsible. I think the real issue here is not a case of growing up or maturing and more a case of his way of having fun conflicts with the ways you like to have fun. I mean you're not a wasted every weekend type of person and he's not a theatre type person.
If you can't meet somewhere in the middle then getting serious with him may not be doable.
OP by far the biggest thing here though is that it's just never a good idea to get into a serious relationship with someone you think needs to change, especially when it's a lifestyle choice. Not only is it unfair for you to expect someone to change for you (I know you don't) but if they already live in a way that clashes with how you live then it's going unlikely to change and even if it did there may just be that little bit of guilt or feeling of restriction.
Now I'm not saying end this now, perhaps you can reach a bit of compromise and he'll be willing to do things you enjoy too. Just understand this isn't about immaturity, anymore than you going to the theatre is dorky, it's just a lifestyle choice, immaturity means irresponsibility and he's not irresponsible in life he just likes to get trashed and blow off steam.
see how it goes and see if you can get him to do new things you both like, but be prepared for this to just be a case of incompatible lifestyles.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (11 December 2012):
 Hi
Sounds like he hasn't left his college/uni days behind him yet, just full on enjoys his space. If he's responsible enough to manage his work and home expenses all is not lost.
I would worry alot more if he was out clubbing every weekend and being arrested for being drunk or worse.
Maybe its just a mismatch of personalities with you two.Though he has chosen to date you for a reason.........
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): I am the OP and I'd like to thank you for your replies so far. To answer some of your questions, he has lived on his own for about 2 years now (he is a freelance tutor so he works from there too) and he is responsible enough when it comes to money and things like that. It's more of a teenage mindset he has. He acts as if by living on his own he has a year round 'empty house' and is forever having loud crazy parties. I like a good party every now and then too I will admit, but not every weekend and not where people pass out and are sick on my livingroom floor. Those days are long gone for me, but he thinks that sort of thing is 'legendary' and a half trashed house is a sign of a good party. As for his friends, they range between 22 and 32 so it's hard to blame their influence on their age. Most of his newer friends are younger though. Like I say though, we are not extremely serious yet and it is his life and home so I have not said anything to him. All I know is I don't want to one day be getting serious with someone who still acts like I did when I was 18.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (10 December 2012):
 Also I have to add that it is more than just a maturity issue... He always feels like he needs to 'fit in' and do what makes everyone like him. This will not ever change no matter what his age. He needs to feel popular and liked because of a low self esteem issue. He will always do what others want him to do and what he thinks others want him to do to be liked. Made apparent by the fact that he is anti drug and did it only because his friends wanted him to, he was afraid of saying no and being shunned, he's afraid of having his own opinion and being himself.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (10 December 2012):
Cut your losses now I'd say. He is very childish and immature indeed, and being that he is age 25 is worrisome. He likely won't grow up until his mid to late 30's if that. So in all that time you will be dealing with a man boy and trying to get him to mature and do things he will show no interest in. It's an uphill battle that you will likely give up on in the future so it's best to leave it now. Dating someone so immature is highly unattractive and you end up feeling like a mother more than a girlfriend, I speak from experience. A woman doesn't want to date a boy.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 December 2012):
Hi
Its hard to say. Life experience and responsibility make you grow up.If you have a job or a home even children your more likely to mature as you should. If someones for example,always lived with parents is long term unemployed, they don't have the same incentive to grow up.
If your boyfriends mates are like him, are they the same age or younger? He really shouldn't care what they think at his age, nor should they bother if he goes to the theatre or whatever.
I would give him time to see if he changes as you get to know him better,if he doesn't its up to you what you do.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 December 2012):
 From your descriptions, it's easy to conclude that HE is stuck in childhood, whilest YOU have gone along to adulthood.....
The decision is your's.... live with a child; or look for - and spend time with - an adult....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 December 2012):
 I don't think he will grow out of it any time soon. He LIVES for his peers and the peer pressure - I mean come on... he can't go to the theater because his friend might laugh?
What reason does he have to grow up? Obviously YOU are still there. He treats you just nice enough for you to want to stay, but still does his "teen" thing with his friends.
The fact that at 25 he is STILL letting his friends make the rules, kind of show that he won't grow up anytime soon. And he's picked up getting stoned too - doesn't sounds like he has great career choices ahead of him... And then he his 30 or you want to have kids.. he he still acts like a teen.
I'm sorry, I'm sure he can be a lovely guy, I just couldn't date a man-child like that.
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A
male
reader, learnNlive +, writes (10 December 2012):
Hard to tell. Does he have any responsibilities? Financial or otherwise?
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