A
female
age
36-40,
*olalollypop
writes:Hi i have a big problem i have been with my commen law husband for 8 years in january im going on 23 he's going on 26 we have two children a girl age 6 and a boy age 5 we have had a rocky relationship but i know he has been faithfull for about 5 years that i know of and last week i had been checking the history on my computer and had seen he was on a sex dating site i had logged on and cracked the password well when i did get in i seen he was talking to woman and commenting on there pics aswell as having 10 to 20 woman frinds with naked pics on his profile he also had listed that he was looking for a new experiance as well as dirty talk and cyber sex and i dont get it i give him everything a man would want in a sex life i have givin him all i can that is posible anyway i know we are young but have had to grow up fast maybe to fast i usually take pride in thinking we have a solid relationship but i guess im wronge am i blowing this out of proportion i feel so hurt and heart broken do you think i have a big problem besides that? we had talked about it and he has said he dosent know why he was doing this and he will never do it again like i havent herd that before! and it sorta got swept under the carpet and i feel as if i cant bring it up and when i do he starts to cry and say i cant handle this anymore shouldnt i be the one doing that? im so confused i dont want to turn my whole life upside down for something i had no control over please help me im lost and feel as if i have no one as i dont no friends no family just me my kids and who i thought was my best frind (my husband of almost 8 years) i really hope to hear from you also when is the right time to let this go? because i feel as if i never will also i have so much resentment for the hurt he has caused me for the first 3 and a half years we where togeter i feel as if everything came back in to contec's when i found out what he was doing will i ever be able to let it all go? or am i wasting my life and time if i keep forgiving him? its amazing how something such as this can hurt so bad especially when i have no clue what to do please help i have so much to say and no one to tell it to hope you can listen and give me some advice thanks so much !!!!!
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female
reader, lolalollypop +, writes (16 September 2008):
lolalollypop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i thank you all for your advice but as i can see all that you can tell me is to leave him i know i asked for the advice its probly what i didnt want to hear because who wants to hear that but you may not be reading my ? to the fullest im 23 have been with him for 8 years since i was 15 years old most people could not say that about there relationship whatever he has done to me and the feelings he has brought apon me i would never give up on what you all dont have not saying i dont appreciate your comments but maybe giving up or kicking him out is not the smartest idea that would be giving up and thats not me working on things going to consuling is the asnwer not driving him away what will that get me but him in the arms of someone else thanks to you all but i think i will take doctor phills advice and work on what can be worked on...
A
female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (16 September 2008):
 I am going through a similar situation with my bf. We were together for about five months and then he moved to Texas. We were apart for six months and then I moved to Texas to be with him. I found that he had pictures of women in lingerie as well as nude photos of his exes on his computer and email. It hurts very much. It makes you question yourself as well as your relationship. If my boyfriend ever cheated when we were apart, I'm willing to let it go. However, I know that if he cheats now, I will not.
Sometimes, no matter how much you do to show him your love, cooking, cleaning, words, touching, it is not enough for him. He is actively seeking sex. You know that its not right even if you still love him. So, in my opinion, even though its almost impossible, give him the boot. You've tried but it takes two to make a relationship work. He's not doing what you need him to do.
I'm sorry for your pain.
X
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A
female
reader, blackROSE1916 +, writes (16 September 2008):
Oh no way! He is playing you big time & imagine what he might bring home to you in bed! If he has gotten away with it before, why not again but on a site~ I can't say end your marriage, but would you want your son to treat his wife like that! Common law marriage or not you have children, a life, a thought a very special, trusting relationship! No babe you should be crying, and sweeping him out the door, he is manipulating you b/c I think he knows your a softy! He obviously has a sex addiction problem. My husband did the same to me, and reality is thats not appropriate not respectful to you or your children. It hurts horribly believe me I know, you have kids involved, but you have to take care of yourself too. Right now you hurt so bad you probably just want to run and scream! You will and can be just of a strong women without a man like that! Can you really look@ him in the same manner again? YOU DESERVE BETTER & he does not respect you! It takes time to get your strength, but I think it's time right now!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): Honey, get rid of him! If he's going on these cyber sites 10 to 1 he's also had extra marital affairs with other woman as well. Don't blame yourself because when a man or woman cheats it's all about them not you. This is coming from a person that has had it happen to her. You can do everything for him sexually but it's never enough. Tell him to pack his crap and get out!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): Hi..Your story is quiet interesting. I understand your feelings. The life that some men-folk find themselves in is so troubling and confusing. Some men try a lot of crazy things and most time regretable......from rebellion,war,adventures and new things. But when they come to their senses they become a new man. Because he is your husband,you have do something that is helpfull to you both. Try to let him understand that what he has been doing is wrong and is not good neigther for him ni for the family. Let him understand that has been doing crazy and foolish things that appear like fun. Most young men and boys can not separate foolish things from fun. They are made to be like that since they are men and that is why they are placed on earth.
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