A
female
age
41-50,
*upidlover89
writes:I have been in a casual friends relationship with this guy for 5 years. I would like to date other men seriously, but cannot bring myself to do it. My question is how long should a casual "romance" really last. What makes him really want to continue seeing me for so long? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Yes, I think you should.
Rejection ?... Nothing ventured, nothing gained :)
And ,worst case,maybe is better being rejected than being strung along.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): You had better bring yourself to do it soon or you are going to end up spending your life in whatever this relationship is which doesn't seem to be much or anything that is good for you. Take care.
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A
female
reader, cupidlover89 +, writes (11 March 2011):
cupidlover89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree, he is not the type to make moves unless he knows how I feel, as for me I cannot decide if I want to be more. I still fear the rejection. I should try to express the feelings see where he is at?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (11 March 2011):
Sorry,cupidlover89, but, in lack of further informations, ...yes, I guess I do.
I strongly believe that talk is cheap . Saying things is nice and easy- but then you've got to put your money where your mouth is.
5 years is a longish time, and if this guy in 5 years has not done anything to change your situation from casual friends to something more, it means that he likes things the way they are . If ain't broke , don't fix it.
As for him being jealous, yes , it's quite possible , it does not surprise me at all . Plenty of men are territorial and possessive about what they consider theirs. And plenty of men are also very reluctant in lending out their books or power tools , in case the objects may not be returned.
Then again , OP, what's the point in you and I trying to read his thoughts ? Does it really matter ? I'd say what matters is what YOU want , what you think.
Are you OK with this FWB arrangement ? Does it make you happy ? Cool. Not everybody is born for being engaged or married, there are different relationships for different needs.
Are you getting impatient instead, do you want to date other men ? Then, date other men, regardless of what he has to say. He has NOTHING to say, because he has not promised you exclusivity on turn , and until he does that , date whom you want !
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A
female
reader, cupidlover89 +, writes (11 March 2011):
cupidlover89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has expressed interests and feelings for me. I'm not sure if I am holding back or the both of us. It becomes a huge problem if I date other men for him. I thought maybe it makes it interesting if I am not available, but he has so much to say. He has talked to me about whether I think he would be a good boyfriend or not. You still think its boredom or convience?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (11 March 2011):
... Convenience, habit, lazyness. Until he can count on you his basic sexual and emotional needs are covered. He knows he can have sex whenever he wants, he does not need to be by himself unless he wants to, I guess he can tell you his problems etc. So maybe he is not even proactive in seeking "Miss Right ". But you can bet that if he should meet
someone who intrigues him and has potential, he would "upgrade" without a second thought.
5 years is a very long time for a friends with benefit situation, they last less in general. But the fact it lasts does not mean it gets more serious or more intimate. In fact, I think if he had wanted to commit to you, or at least make things more official, he would have done that within the first year or so. Nobody takes so long to decide if you are Gf material or not.
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