A
male
age
51-59,
*e can make it
writes:hello i love me wife and kids. for the last years i have been having sex with many women. as this action has no reason my sexual realationship with my wife has been down hill, following the birth of our son. this action on her part did not help me in my sexual struggles.nonetheless my wife wants too end our marriage, and i do not. can someone out there please help me save myself and my marriage and family. by the way i am free of all std's including aids/hiv.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2009):
 Amen Gina, Could not have said it better. I wish your wife good luck.
What goes around comes around, stop whining.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (13 February 2009):
 Let me ask you this first: (1) What does the term "marriage" mean to you? (2) Did you and your wife have a marriage vow, and did you both stand by it?
I think any willingness to change (in this case, your sleeping with other women) has to come from within you, based on your own conviction that it is wrong to be unfaithful to your wife when you have agreed to be in a monogamous relationship.
Professianal help and support group may be useful to a degree (to identify why you do what you do, for instance, and help you to alleviate it), but again, only you have your own "self control" ... not other people.
The same goes for artificial protection, it is not 100% fool proof, as it depends on (1) what you do before-during-after sex and (2) some STDs may only manifest itself visually much much much later.
If you love your child (who has done nothing wrong), and truly love your wife (whose sexual disinterest to you may have been clinical due to the baby's birth), would you not think that she deserves a better husband? (that could be a reformed you, or you letting her go and therefore you stopped hurting her)
Good luck! I hope whatever you decided, it is for the best for all of you.
Cat
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): If you want to salvage your marriage, you need to get some marriage counseling. Perhaps you could benefit from some therapy by yourself as well. Why did you cheat on her for so long? Why did you do it in the first place? Obviously you've hurt her, and you need to fix the problems that you've caused in this relationship. No one deserves being cheated on, so you will need to do whatever you can to ensure that it absolutely never happens again. Because if you can convince her to stay with you this time around, you won't be able to if you cheat again. You might not be able to convince her to stay with you, though, and if that happens, you need to learn from your mistakes. Sorry if I sound harsh, but you should be sorry for what you did to her, and if she takes you back, you should be on your hands and knees with gratitude. She has every right to be angry and end it. Prove that you actually feel some remorse and don't ever do it again, or else you do not deserve this marriage. Sorr if this was not the answer you were looking for. I really hope everything works out for the best. Good luck to you.
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