A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I am a 17 year old girl and I've been feeling really ashamed of myself about some things and I wondered if I could have some reassurance or honesty.I wouldn't consider myself as slutty because I'm not that kind of person, I have morals, I'm not provocative and I don't cheat, flirt and definitely don't sleep around, I'm a bit of a goody goody generally and I don't mind that at all. But that's probably why I'm feeling ashamed of myself. When I was 14 I had a boyfriend for a year and a half which resulted in underage sex at 15 I also have a new relationship with a 25 year old man, a good man I wouldn't go out with anyone sleazy - he is respectable who I am in a sexual relationship with. I've been reflecting back at how I'm 17 and have already had sex with two people, one underage. I'm even to the point where If this relationship didn't work I wouldn't want to have a relationship with anyone else for a long time until I'm an acceptable age to have had sex with two people.Am I slutty from this and if I am how do I make sure I justify this? Sorry this is a long message.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): The real question is how you justify feeling ashamed that you've had sex with two people.
Where does this holier-than-thou guilt about something you have no reason to feel guilty about come from?
Why do you think you have to feel guilty?
Oh and do you have some kind of chart of how many partners you're allowed to have at certain ages?
You live in the UK, you've had less than normal sexual partners for your age and "slutty" is not a term that really means anything anymore. Most people have their first time under-age, as long as it was consensual and safe then there's no problem.
You're legal age now and a willing, consenting partner to the guy you're with who you say treats you well. Again there is no problem there, even if people really aren't going accept of understand the age difference.
OP stop beating yourself up. There is nothing morally wrong about having lots of sexual partners and even at that you've only had two.
So tell me, where have you heard all of this stuff from, where did you get your ideas of being a "slut" from? Because almost no-one thinks like that anymore.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 January 2014):
 This is not a long post by any means.
Promiscuity is rather subjective, but I wouldn't consider you promiscuous by ANY stretch of the imagination and I don't think most people would either.
A word of advice though for future relationships or potential relationships. Do not feel obliged to provide details of your experiences. This is entirely your business and no one else's. Decline any future requests for this information but do not lie about it.
As for your boyfriend, keep in mind that a grown man of 25 isn't normally interested in a young girl who isn't even allowed to vote yet. So when they are, you have to ask yourself why.
This doesn't mean he's a bad guy, but it does suggest he feels more secure with someone not his equal. And make no mistake, you are not his equal. He has life experience you lack and can make important legal decisions for himself you cannot. Food for thought.
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A
female
reader, Jaeger12  +, writes (28 January 2014):
I agree with the answer below.
I wouldn't consider this slutty at all. I think when we are young we do worry about 'The number' but as you get older you will realise that it wasn't worth worrying about.
You sound like you have your head screwed on, keep it that way :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): NO NO NO! You experimented early on; but please don't feel guilty about that. It doesn't make you a bad young lady.
It's good that you're not irresponsibly sleeping around. It was a little risky; but that is now in the past, and a learning experience. Forgive yourself. We do all sorts of things we're sorry for when we are very young. The good thing is that you didn't get hurt, get an STD, or get pregnant.
You don't have to make it an issue with the 25 year-old. If
he is going out with girls your age, he'd be the last one who should be passing judgement. You don't even have to bring it up.
You confessed it here. Leave it with us, and go about your life.
Good luck, my dear!
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