A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:I've had a bit of a low day today. I've been feeling anxious and thinking about my ex girlfriend all day. I know we all have highs and lows, but I really hate days like this and i'm trying to pinpoint where this comes from. I don't even know if I'm missing my ex or whether I just miss having a girlfriend. I get lonely quite easily and i'm not the kind of guy who always has a woman on his arm. Why am I feeling like this? Am I missing my ex or do I just miss having a partner? Can anyone relate to this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Your very welcome.
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (21 April 2011):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all your help, I really appreciate it! :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (20 April 2011):
Off course you are going to feel sad that is totally normal. She was a part of your life and now you are getting over the break up and coming to realise that she will no longer be such a big part in your life therefore it is completely normal to feel sad. But you need to pull yourself out of it and come to terms with it. Accept it and move on.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (20 April 2011):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe called me today. It's amazing how different things feel between us. It was a nice chat, but we quite obviously aren't on the same level we once were and I guess that has to be expected given that we've been separated for almost two months now. I know that in terms of the future that's a very good thing because it means that eventually contact will diminish and eventually stop completely, but for some reason it still makes me feel sad. Why? I'm sorry for all these silly little question, you must be getting fed up with them by now! This will be the last one, I promise.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (20 April 2011):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sure you're right. I accept that even after a while it won't be easy, but I'd like to think it's something I could do. It may sound stupid, but knowing that she is quite keen to remain friends, it makes me feel like if that isn't something I could do then it makes me a weak person. I know that isn't the case, because not everybody can do that. I just feel like I should make the effort. She's a lovely girl who I got on with very well indeed and it'd be a shame for us to lose touch entirely.
I truly believe once I have moved on and found somebody else then friendship would be realistic. I don't mean meeting up or going for days out or whatever, but I'm sure we could trade messages now and again. I understand it could be potentially painful, but it's a pain I think I can endure and a part of me really wants to endure it. I must sound crazy, do I?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (19 April 2011):
I think you need to accept that she is out of your life and take your time to deal with that. You say you do not want to think that she wont be in your life at all. But believe me it is very very difficult to be friends with someone who is an ex because old feelings will always come back no matter how much time you give yourself.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 April 2011):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I have significant items, but they have been out of my sight for weeks. I also removed her has a friend on social networks and I never give in to the temptation to try and find out what she's up to.
I think the problem is that I know I haven't seen the last of her. In a month or so when I leave town (the reason we broke up), I know that there's going to be a day where we meet up and say goodbye. Maybe after that I'll get closure at least, but I'd hate to think that that would be the last time I ever see her. I don't want her to be out of my life completely, but I know that I need more time to adjust the fact that we aren't going to be together. Not for a while anyway, and that isn't something I'm holding out for. What do you think?
Thank you so much for your continued support, you have been a great help. I've heard everything that you've said before from other people, but sometimes when you feel that way it's so easy to lose sight of the guidance you're given. Do you know what I mean?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (18 April 2011):
Yes I guess the best possible thing that you can do here is to try and get your ex girlfriend out of your head completely. Have you items that make you think of her? Do you have her on social networking or still keep in contact with her? Any photos lying around? If so get rid of everything and remove her from your life that way. Yes you will still think about her but hopefully in time it will fade.
Keep yourself busy and create lots of distractions. Going out meeting new girls would be a good distraction. Flirt a little and enjoy yourself. I'm sure you do miss all of the qualities of being in a relationship. They always say the grass is greener at the other side. But dont look at being single as being alone and on your own. Think of it as a time where you get to explore life and find who you are. You get to meet different girls and flirt a little and enjoy there company without having to feel like you are doing anything wrong. Use your time to relax and be independant. Try new hobbies and things you like doing. My guess is that keeping yourself busy and active may stop you from thinking about your ex girlfriend and having anxiety issues.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 April 2011):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for putting things into perspective aunt honest. I just wish I knew where this anxiety comes from. It could be that I miss having a girlfriend to talk to. I won't lie, I probably miss having the physical side of having a relationship also.
The only people I really have to talk about this issue is family, but over the years me and them have had the exact same conversation many, many times, and I don't like talking about it with them because every time I do it becomes quite long conversation, and if I'm talking about, for example my ex in great detail it means I'm thinking about her more deeply and for longer. I'm trying to get to a place where I don't think about my ex very often. I know that I will get there in time, but for now I think the healthiest thing I can do is try to switch off from my ex.
What do you think aunt honesty? Anything else you can add would be great!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (18 April 2011):
Am sure there is lots of people that can relate to how you are feeling belive me you are not alone. As you said everyone has there good and bad days. My guess is that when you are feeling anxious you wish that you had someone to talk to a girlfriend that is close to you that will comfort you and have you in a good mood. Obviously the first person you are going to think about is your ex as she was the last girlfriend that you had.
Have you any close friends or family that you can talk to when you feel like this. Someone that will help you snap out of it and show you everything good you have in your life. You are only young so get out there and meet new people. Live your dreams and be happy. We only get one life. We come in to this world alone and I guess we need to make our decisions on our own and take control of our own life. Goodluck and all the best in the future.
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