A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I need help! Background info: 25 years old, up until very recently I thought that I was incapable of orgasm, I thought maybe something was wrong with me because I've never orgasmed during sex, figured out that I'm pretty normal and can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation. So that's all normal and everythings fine in the sense that I know that I don't have something wrong with me haha. The issue is that because I had convinced myself that I couldn't orgasm, I got used to just faking it with guys, and up until recently, my boyfriend of a year. Because I've been faking, I don't know how to actually get him to make me orgasm, because he expects me to be 'finished' in like, a minute (yeah.. I know, I was stupid.) and now I'm just not enjoying sex what-so-ever because I know that I COULD be enjoying it, but I can't really say to him "hey honey, I've been faking for a year, so... Lets do it completely differently now so that I can actually enjoy it".It's gotten so awkward that I've thought about ending it so that I don't have to explain anything. :/
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (20 June 2014):
 1 minute x average 2.5/week over 1 year = 130minutes 130 FAKE ORGASMS! Ooch!
If he thinks a woman is truly satisfied in e.g. a minute (or 3), he’s either faking he hasn’t PE (premature ejaculation) or he’s a ‘dud root’ (Aussie for slack lover) who doesn’t have the sense or skill to work out something is wrong here? How could he be so naïve in all of this?
Treat yourself kind, stop the charade and start enjoying yourself for more than a minute… He needs to know the facts so as not to think he can go on (dis)pleasuring and learn to make out good and proper with his woman. Be that with you or someone else.
I don’t think you’ll be doing him or yourself a service by keeping this from him. Explain it to him as mentioned; it is something that does occur in live and quite life changing. Give him the benefit of knowing and yourself the freedom to move on if necessary.
Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 June 2014):
 You need to stop faking it right not, not just for his sake but for your own.
YOU get the sexual experience you put into the sex. As in you FAKE it, the question is really why.. because that way sex will be over sooner? Or he won't feel inadequate? Or that you weren't working right?
Either way, stop faking it.
IF you like this guy and want to make it work, you will have to "re-train" him. He thinks he is the King of sex because you "orgasm" after a minutes work. That makes him some kind of sex god.. In reality he HASN'T made you orgasm ONCE in a year. So, IF you like him SHOW him what get YOUR rocks REALLY off. Once he gets you to orgasm for real he will know the difference.
If you don't like the guy (as in don't want to continue seeing him) I would just end it but not bring up sex as a reason.
Unfortunately SO many guys (and girls) starting out with sex think that it's the penetration that gives orgasms. IT IS for most men, but for 80% of women IT IS NOT.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2014): I find it amazing that anyone could fake orgasms and manage to sustain that for a year and not get sick of it or go crazy and also that anyone would not know. I would just tell him and hopefully you can salvage the relationship and have some real orgasms if you want to. A minute?? Are you saying you have sex for a minute or you fake your orgasm at 1 minute and he keeps going?
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A
female
reader, cattycakes  +, writes (19 June 2014):
This can happen because girls are so focussed on their boyfriend that they put their own needs second. Getting a girl to the point of orgasm, can take a bit of work and time. It isn't like the pretence of porn, where everything seemingly happens in an instant of gratification. It can all make it a bit difficult, the pressure is full on. Doubt creeps in, it becomes impossible to relax and an orgasm gets even further away. Frustration.
You could say that you have made a mistake and not been honest because you felt under pressure to be this easily satisfied sex goddess, when in fact you just want him to understand who you are. This means going back to the beginning and would he mind doing this as well as forgiving you?
Just tell him, you may as well let him have the chance as he does not deserve to be caste off for something not his fault. If you love him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2014): There must be something more going on here if you'd consider breaking up with your boyfriend of a year JUST because it's awkward to be honest with him?!
Seriously. Just tell him it's not doing it for you any more and you need more of X, Y, Z.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (19 June 2014):
 The silver lining here is that your being honest at least shows you care about him, and you care about the relationship enough to 'break the cycle' and deepen your intimacy by genuinely engaging in your sexual side.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 June 2014):
 Well, he'll either end it because you've been lying for a year or you'll end it because you've been lying for a year, so what the hell do you have to lose by being some kind of honest here?
Maybe a gradual retraining.
Stop faking the one-minute orgasm.
"No, not there yet, I think I need this [show him] for a while. Ooooooh that feels so good!"
Do you like him or not?
If you don't really, then just break up with him.
If you do like him and think he would be a thoughtful lover and accepting of your newfound sexual awareness then for heaven's sake, woman up and tell the poor guy. He thinks he's pushing all your buttons and doesn't realize you are so dreading sex with him you can't even bear to be honest...
Cut the guy a break. Tell him or break up with him.
"Aiden, I have to tell you something that has been life-altering for me... I don't know how to explain because I don't think guys go through this like women do and I'm feeling so awkward and totally weird about it...
"I realized that I haven't been having actual orgasms with you. I thought I was because that was what I wanted so much to feel. And I have to admit that I didn't want to let you down.
"I'm one of many women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.
"To put it in your perspective, you need your penis stimulated to reach orgasm, right? Imagine if only your balls were stimulated and your penis not touched enough, would you get off? No, right?"
I don't see that you have anything to lose by being honest. You've already thought about ending the relationship to avoid the awkward thing, why not see if he'd get on board with getting you the sexual pleasure I hope he'd want you to have?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2014): Well, you should have been up front with him before, and now you have to tell him before you do anything far-fetched. Like ending it just because you couldn't be honest with him.You've made your bed, now you must lie in it. As with most people, you could naturally expect him to be angry with you, and maybe even a little distant. But when you explain to him about the situation, and how to progress from it, sex won't be as awkward as before. Bearing in mind you might have to wait a while to have it with him again.Generally faking orgasm, male or female, is giving the other partner a false sense of achievement. And that's wrong, which is what you've done. Now you need to tell him and get it out in the open before tension increases between the both of you.
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