A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:myself and my girlfriend of over two years have just split up. Her decesion and not mine.We'd been having a few problems so it wasn't a massive surprise but its still effected me proper bad.The point of my asking this question is to ask for advice. We are both at uni in a very small town. Its the kinda place where you cant go out the door without bumping into lots of people you know, or who know you.I feel like a prisoner. I know if I go out, I wil bump into my ex (I hate calling her that!!). I know that if I do bump into her, she will be with friends and I wont know what to say, i might even get upset and wont be able to stop myself from crying. I asked to see her the next day after she finished with me, not to try and get back together but because i didnt want the first time i saw her to be in the street or pub, etc with all her friends. but she said no and i haven't heard from her since. I've managed to avoid her by not going out unless i've had to and then i've been on my guard the whole time.however I dont want to feel like a prisoner. there are only one or two decent pubs in this town and i know that she will be in one of them so i feel i cant go in them. Then there's the matter that all my friends are either friends of hers or friends of friends of hers and i feel so awkward.I want to get back out there and start meeting people and getting back on my feet but i dont feel i can- its been a week since we split up. I loved that girl so much but now i feel i have to avoid her at all costs.then there's the jealousy- i'm constantly wondering where she is and who she's with. I knew when we were together that she would never cheat on me but now she's single who knows! I want to get these thoughts out of my head!!!Having said i had a question, i dont really know what to ask- i guess just some comments on the situation might be good.Thanks
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (4 October 2009):
 Part of the grieving process is trying to avoid people that you know, also know her; and not bumping into her in a public place .. and as you said, falling apart.
The only thing you can do is start going out. If you see her, just ignore her. If she comes over to talk to you, just avoid her. Be nice, be pleasant, but do your best to ignore her.
That's all you can do. Sooner or later you're going to see her somewhere. But if she doesn't want to talk to you or see you, she's likely to be avoiding you too.
The best thing you can do is just kind of work through this and try and find someone else.
As far as some other guy seeing her, my advice to you is this. If she can walk out on you, then its likely she'll find someone and do the same thing to that guy.
At least in your case you're young and you have a good chance of meeting someone on campus and just going out on a date later. If she sees you with someone else, she's going to be just as upset as you would if you saw her with someone else. Simple logic states: "Living well is the best revenge".
Therefore, just take your time, find some other girls to go out with and get used to going out again.
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