A
male
age
,
*hil heatpot
writes:I´ve been in love with Tessie since 1974, Tessie and I began a few moths relationship, we broke, after 7 years, we started a new relation, By then I was married man but somehow Tessie and I kept together for 5 years.In 1989 I got sick with cancer so I got away from Tessie.She met another guy and married him in 1992Last time I saw Tessie was july 1990.A few weeks ago I found a Tessie´s Photo on the WEB and my mind started again, I can´t stop THinking of Tessie.The point is: I have been thinking of Tessie since 1974,I swear it, I have been thinking of her for 14,965 days, She´s been absent of my mind just for the days I was under the anestecia efect (because of the surgeries needed to remove the tumor in my Brain, 20 days or something like that), I dreamed of Tessie everynight from 1974 till 2005 more or less, my dreams were not pleasent at all, from then (2006 more or less)I dream of Her eventually these dreams are e quite nice althought we are not together.Now that I founf her Photo my mind started again I can´t keep her out of my mind, is this a Pathology?, I confess I love to see Her Photo (the last one I download from the WEB). I´m still married, I never got divorced. I would like to look for Tessie although I don´t Know if it would be a good Idea.
View related questions:
divorce, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2013): You sound like the romantic type not the practical type.
Practical people will say stay with your wife, why give up a decades long marriage now for a fantasy.
Romantic people will say you need to follow your heart and if something wont let go of you it means you are meant to follow that path as you have unfinished business. Therefore you should look for Tessie. But realize that to do this you must divorce your wife first. It could be seen as finally correcting a mistake.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2013): ...You're living in fantasy world! Forget her.Grab some happiness before its late...clearly your mind of this woman. Let her go. Starting by filling up your life time with other things. Woman who was by your side when you was ill should be one you give your love to.
...............................
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (2 March 2013):
 Sounds like you are in love with the fantasy tessie and no nothing about the real tessie. Much like fantasising about people on tele. Best left as pleasant memories and not taken any further.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 March 2013):
 Yeah, it sure does sound more likely that when you got sick in 1989, Tessie got away from YOU, not the other way around.
Why wouldn't you let Tessie take care of you? Why leave her to let your wife do it? Doesn't make sense. You could have divorced and lived happily after with Tessie, but you didn't.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013): Yes, look for her.
But not until you divorce your wife.You do not love or care about her so release her.
...............................
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (2 March 2013):
 If you two were that great together why did you:
1. Break up your relationship after the first few months when you were together?
2. Why was there a 7 year separation and when you got back together, why did only stay together for 5 years? Why not get divorced from you wife if Tessie was so great and your love for her was never-ending?
3. "In 1989 I got sick with cancer so I got away from Tessie." Again, if she was so great for you and you were thinking about her all the time, why did you get away from her?
You haven't seen her since July 1990. This means you two don't have any contact. Why haven't you tried getting in touch with since July 1990 if you were thinking about her all this time? Why now, 23 years later? None of this makes too much sense.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013): If you have been thinking of Tessie since 1974, why did you get married to someone else (your wife)?? It's not nice to marry someone when your mind is obsessed with another person. I think the right thing to do would have been to either stay single forever, or do whatever it takes (therapy, counseling) to get the other person out of your mind so you can commit fully to your wife. Being married for decades all while obsessing about another woman every day is being very unfair and DECEITFUL to your wife. I would not want to be married to a man who is thinking about another woman every day of our married life together, even if he has been with me for 40 years and doesn't plan to divorce me anytime soon. But, other people feel differently and I guess feel that as long as you're physically there in the marriage and acting out the role of a husband like paying the bills, taking care of the kids, it doesn't matter if your mind is on another woman every day for 40 years. I think you need to finally either get counseling to push Tessie out of your mind so you can give your wife the attention and love that a husband should, or seriously re-examine if you should maybe divorce your wife and try to pursue your dream of being with Tessie (she might be divorced or widowed, who knows). And maybe your wife will find a new partner who will devote himself to her fully and not always be fantasizing about someone else.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 March 2013):
 "Is this a pathology?" Well, most people don't have brain tumors that need surgery. If you are experiencing thoughts that are so problematic and confusing, I think you should go see your doctor.
As for Tessie, well, the whole situation sounds as though your mind has been nurturing a fantasy for many years. I wonder why?
I like YouWish's question. I wonder if you will answer it?
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 March 2013):
 Tessie has become a fantasy. Don't give up what you have for a dream. If it was meant to be it would have happened the first time.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 March 2013):
 It's very unusual to dream of the same person every night. I would definitely say the brain tumour has something to do with it. It is affecting your ability to devote to your wife. You have to ignore these dreams because it is not an indication that you and Tessie are soulmates. She probably is busy with her home life with her husband. I think your dreams would bother her.
Brain tumour is very traumatic and you could never know, why you? There could be some magical thinking like if you got together with Tessie instead of your wife, your brain tumour wouldn't have happened and life would still be good. Somehow in your dreams you were thinking that Tessie was a solution to life's problems.
Your wife is your reality. You should be grateful that she stuck by you.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 March 2013):
I have a very simple question for you:
In 1989 when you got sick with cancer, and through all of your health issues, who took care of you? Was it Tessie, or was it your wife?
It's one thing to smile at a memory of a past love. Most of us do it, but that's the past. Let Tessie remain in your past, and live the rest of your days pouring all the love you have into making your wife feel happy and loved.
...............................
|
