A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need help getting out a bad relationship I'm 20 years old and been with the same man since I was 14. I love him to pieces but as time goes on he's treating me worse and worse.. He puts me down with words and actions. Physically and emotionally hurts me.. Makes me feel unattractive.. Not confident and really alone at times. I thought he was my bestfriend but I have discovered how many other girls he's been with behind my back even though I'm very close to him and his family and practically live with him. He's borrows most of my mine and never pays for a thing when we are together.. But for some reason it just makes me try harder to be better.. To look better to be funnier to buy him anything he asks for.. And I don't know why.. Because he's making me feel bad. I'm crumbling and I don't know what to do or who to speak to. I feel like a failure and that I'm going to have to watch him love and treat another woman right one day and it's distressing me because i'll never understand why he treats me so bad. I give him no reasons to be so horrible towards me.. I don't even have other men in my phonebook or as friends.. But for some reason I can't walk away and I need help before I become a nobody and ruin my life forever. I've never told family what he's like and never want to paint a bad picture of him as I just love him so much even though he's not right for me
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female
reader, lovehurts818  +, writes (2 March 2013):
 He KNOWS exactly what he's doing and your FALLING for it every single time, I had a boyfriend quite the same and when I ended it, it was the best thing i eer did for myself, and 15 years later guess what????? He's the exact same way with all his other girlfriends. Your NOT special to him and he won't change for you or anyone else. Trust me, let another girl deal with him and I can guarantee you that if you have the faith in yourself and support from others and advice from people like us that you will choose to leave on your own and realize that you were never his priority or Number 1, you were just a convenience and he sees you as nothing else and never will. WHY????? you ask, because you went out of your way time and time again and that type of Man hopefully never finds a girl as amazing as you and what I do is turn my back never look back and make then long for me for the rest of their lives. You will meet a man that will treat you like a Queen and the only reason you don't believe me is cuz it never happened yet, but i'm speaking from experience, you can't choose the man and say I want him to be like this, etc,etc he will always be himself it's the question if you'll be weak enough to deal with it, I hope you have a breaking point. You should have left at the first sign of disrespect, but your so used to his treatment that it seems almost normal, but I assure you it's not even close. Please set your standards high from now on and understand you are gonna be treated as you see yourself, are you weak and worthless or strong, beautiful and A Queen?? I consider myself a Queen as expect to be treated like one, now imagine the kind of respect I attract. Those rude type of men take one look at me and can sense the confidence I have gained and look the other way. Have pride in yourself and stop letting him take you for granted, PLEASE
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (2 March 2013):
 You don't know who to speak to, well I have a link for you. http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
He sounds dreadful, you are not wrong to wish for help and I hope that you get off those eggshells soon.
Go get the practical, local help you need now. If you feel uncertain, please ask a friend or close family member to check out that website for you so you can recover your life. It's never too late to speak truth....
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 March 2013):
 You will need counselling to get out of this relationship because you have lost perspective and have becoming his ever-willing punching bag (both emotionally and more).
He will only be satisfied when you have lost all self respect for who you are.
Love is not trying to meet 'his standards' since he is an abuser.
He has subdued your own belief in you, to the point where he know you will always be compliant and will do everything he requests. So he has no respect for you either.
Though do not just go ahead and challenge him as that would be naive and a threat and a challenge to him.
Then you would really see his fury unleased on you.
Instead do things the smart way and the right way, for your own safety.
Yes, very very soon you must walk away from him.
But right now you don't have the strength nor the awareness of how quickly this could go terribly wrong, if you did it the wrong way.
So in the immediate NOW get some counselling and do this quietly without disclosing this to him.
Because this man is very dangerous to your health.
He has tried to break you emotionally.
You are realizing this. So all power to you.
But what he is doing is not love. It is abuse.
He has cowered you into submission that you still want to see him as the man you hoped he'd become. He will never meet the standard as an ideal man.
He has a different agenda to you. His arrogance transends over everyone else.
You can never meet his 'standards' as he plays dirty and will keep changing the goal posts. This is a NO win for you.
In his mind you are a punching bag and a ball to kick.
This is NOT mutual love. It is all skewed in ways that will ruin your life.
Please arrange for some urgent councilling so that you can start Living and enjoying life instead of enduring the constant abuse you suffer now
That you are writing in to Ask for help about what to do tells me that you are ready for change. But that you are so overwhelmed, by years of abuse, that you need support to identify the right path to get out of the abuse maze you are suffering in right now.
I congratulate you for realizing that what he is doing to you is not acceptable.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Your boyfriend doesn't think about why he treats people badly. He does because you don't give him a reason to stop and is continuing to let him. Sometimes love is an attachment and it's hard to let go off. You have been with him for a long time and is hoping he would change. Love a person because he is relationship material, not because you are afraid to be alone. You are still growing and forming your identity. Don't lose yourself in a relationship. Surround yourself with positive people. In love you shouldn't be so impatient that you stick with someone who hurts you. It's better to be single than be in an abusive relationship.
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